Monday, March 25, 2013


My life lacks balance. I don't possess the ability to do all the things life demands of me. Or I demand of myself. And  by "all the things" I mean "more than two." As in, woah, woah, woah. You want me to go grocery shopping? But I already planned to do the dishes and pluck my eyebrows today.

It's  not that I'm lazy, it's that I over commit. When I commit to doing something, I REALLY do it.  I do it so hard that everything else is sacrificed. When I'm working on my novel, days can slip by without  me noticing. My house could crumble to the ground around me, and I would sit at my computer, typing away in happy oblivion.

While that sounds like every writer's dream, (and it is certainly preferable to the dreaded writer's block) it does start to pose some problems. Like needing to purchase an industrial razor because the hair on my legs is starting to look like Chewbacca's. (Personally, I'm okay with the whole mountain woman meets ape look, but the husband, unfortunately, is not.)

In 2011, I quit my job to focus on writing full time. In May 2012, I decided to go back to work. The position is only part-time, which I thought was perfect. I could work (thereby contributing to my shoe obsession) and write. Unfortunately, my brain lacks a shut-off valve. One that says: You have completed your 20 hours of work this week. It's time to focus on something else. Like your poor neglected novel.

When I'm not actually logging work hours, I'm thinking about work. I should call this person, send this email, write this article. Since I am only equipped with a regular brain and not a SUPER BRAIN, I can't think about those things while simultaneously experiencing Darcy's angst over whether the hot football stud really likes her or is setting up an elaborate practical joke at her expense. (The life of teenager is so hard, you guys.)

Not only am I not writing, but I'm not blogging, tweeting, or facebooking. Which makes me a little sad, because I really like all those things. Lately, all my days consist of is working, cleaning, cooking and working out.  In case you weren't counting that's four things, you guys. FOUR. Four is pretty great. Four is something to be proud up. Except that those four are really all about one: work. Instead of focusing on my core while doing lunges, I'm thinking why won't Mr. Big Shot at the Big Shot Factory return  my call?

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job. I really do. I believe in what I'm doing, and I know it's making a difference in a lot of people's lives. And I get to work with some really amazing women. Women like my friend who has the super-human ability to work full time (at an incredibly demanding job), be a mom (to a little one with another one on the way), wife, friend, chair a major fundraising event, and be active in many community organizations. It's inspiring to watch her as I curl into the fetal position and try to decide whether to brush my teeth or shave my legs? Brush my teeth or shave my legs? BRUSH MY TEETH OR SHAVE MY LEGS?!


I don't know how all you amazing, multi-dimensional, do-it-all women do it. I once read (from Jen at Maybe If You Just Relax) that you can do anything if you don't have a choice. Maybe that's what I need. To view the things in my life as a lack of choice.

Or maybe...I need a cape! That's how super heroes accomplish all their heroic deeds, right?


Today, I'm calling an audible. Instead of washing the sheets, checking emails, and cutting my split ends, I shall search for a cape that will give me super powers. Or maybe even just regular powers. I'd settle for those too.

Behold The Sarcasm Goddess! She possesses the ability to accomplish more than two things in a single bound at least four bounds!

Comment gems!

Chevron deserves to be pissed on. It makes my eyeballs dance.

At least it wasn't inserting cheerleaders into your vagina.