Sunday, January 6, 2013

You Googled What?! - New Year, Same Craziness

Many people enter the new year with a renewed sense of hope, conviction or determination that this year will be their year. The year when anything is possible, the year when dreams come true, the year when they will not sift through the dirty clothes, smell the armpits of a shirt and determine it's clean enough to wear to that important business meeting.

But for other people, the new year is filled with uncertainty. They are consumed with questions. So many important questions. Where did we come from? Why are we here? Does my urine smell funny to you?

Where do these inquisitive folks turn for answers? Why none other than Google, of course.

That's right, it's time for 2013's very first edition of You Googled What?!


Can you thaw a turkey on a balcony?
Can you thaw it in a box? Can you thaw it with a fox? 

Wanna play hide the salami?
I feel like this is a trick question. 

I don't like people shout at me, be careful with your words.
Looks like you’re the one who should be careful with her words cuz you’re missing one. 

charolettes writes asshole in web
That Charlotte and her shenanigans! 

i love you cow
So much romance in 2013. 

Spider with a penis
No. Just, no.

Estrogen makes me happy
Huh. It makes me a raving lunatic.

Why do they cram turkey neck in its ass?
I'm guessing it has to do with the general lack of respect we have for turkeys in this country.

Boss is a twat 
Maybe offer her some estrogen?

Is ranting good for you? 
I sure hope so, because I do it. A lot.

Big fat pig the animal saying what do you mean your out of icecream?
It's 2013. Pigs have learned how to talk, we haven't figured out how NOT to run out of ice cream, and we still don't know the correct usage of your/you're. The future looks grim, you guys.

Why are people so obsessed with chevron?
People love gasoline, I guess. Oh wait... You mean the other kind? Yeah, I don't know.

"while you were reading this" I farted 
I'm guessing you did this while shopping at Walmart.

Phil Collins what is he doing in 2012
 If I had to guess, he’s feeling it coming in the air tonight.

Comment gem!

Tell the truth, did you touch his bird?

 

9 comments:

  1. I'm more then a little disturbed by the thawing a turkey on the balcony question. Yes, that's the best way to thaw meat! Nothing could ever go wrong with that plan! You totally won't get any diseases or ravenous buzzards!

    This is pretty much why I try not to eat at other peoples houses.

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    Replies
    1. Hahahah and this is also why I don't eat meat. Ick!

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  2. I love these posts. And I'm really sorry about the Walmart thing. I didn't realize it was you behind me.

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  3. I feel like you missed an important part of that pig search, in that the person felt the need to qualify "Pig..*the animal*...". As opposed to "Pig the Persian rug".

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  4. Spider with a penis. Sorry I can't comment anymore, I'm dead. I died after reading that.

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  5. Not real sure I need to know about a spider's genitalia, but to each their own. LOL

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  6. Did you say, 'Spider with a penis'? How about a spider with a blue um... head? And it's upside down too... Yep, ranting is what estrogen does to a minority of women. You know, the ones that don't go nuts. And as for Phil, he should really tell us what IT stands for. I've been curious to know half my life now. It's driving me nuts. It's like estrogen.

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  7. I think you should start your own Google through which you just reply to what people search.

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  8. I don't ever remember Charlotte writing that.... but if spiders do have penises, she would know. She had about 5 million babies.

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