Wednesday, January 23, 2013

In Which No One Wants A Hug

The other day I went to a meeting. The attendees are all Very Important People in the community.

And then there's me.

I'm not exactly sure who decided I should be a part of this illustrious group that meets monthly, but I get paid to be there, so whatever. Please don't take my ambivalence to mean I don't contribute. Because I do. I nod my head vigorously and knit my brows together, giving the appearance that I'm paying attention and giving thoughtful consideration to what's being said. But really, I'm thinking who the hell are these people that I've met no less than eight times?

On the way to the meeting, I ran into a fellow attendee. She is someone - whose name I actually remember! - I know in only the strictest professional sense. We are polite. Cordial, even. But we are not chummy.

So it makes perfect sense that the following took place.

We say hello to each other.


And then she extends her arm.

Which I naturally take to mean she wants to hug me. I mean, sure I think it's weird. After all, we're polite. Cordial, even. But definitely not chummy. Certainly not huggers. Then I think, maybe she's resolved to give more hugs this year. Not wanting to be the one who stands in the way of her fulfilling her New Year's Resolutions,

I...

Lean...

In...

I'm getting closer. It's almost time for our hug. And then I see her face.

And so it occurs to me...
I stand up straight, clear my throat, straighten my jacket and follow her gaze to the door we are standing in front of.
That door has been there the whole time. I bet you guys didn't even see it. Don't feel bad. I didn't see it either. But this woman, who I know in a strictly professional sense, did see it and was extending her arm to open the door to the stairwell. She was not trying to give me a hug because of course she wasn't.

I followed her up the stairs and into the meeting room where I sat very far away from her.

I spent the next hour nodding vigorously and knitting my brows together, giving the appearance that I was paying attention and giving thoughtful consideration to what was being said. But really, I was trying to telepathically jedi mind-trick her into forgetting what happened.

I don't think it worked, and I'm pretty sure that's the last time Very Important People will invite me to anything.

Don't forget to join me on January 31st for...
The Procrastinators' Year in Review!
I'm hosting a linky open to all bloggers. Link up one or two of your favorite posts from 2012 and/or link up one of your most favorite posts of another blogger! And please, spread the word so we can meet lots of new bloggy friends!
The date again is January 31st, because what better day to celebrate last year than on the last day of the first month of this year!

Comment gem!

...what better day to celebrate last year than on the last day of the first month of this year... Sounds logical.... um... I like that. I myself like spending money. I totally suck at saving money, so I'll just take your excellent advice and do what I'm really good at. I mean, last week I bought two suits in under a minute. Under a minute! I'll do it. I'll save the economy all by myself, and it will all be thanks to you. :)

44 comments:

  1. Sure that was awkward but at least you didn't have to really hug her.

    This only actually happens to people who don't like to hug. We don't want to do it but we know sometimes we have to and we're so busy dreading it that we think it's happening when it isn't.

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  3. Maybe she really wanted a hug, but she saw your uncertainty and changed plans to aim for the door. I bet if there was Mandatory Pre-Meeting Hugging, the meeting would be a lot more cordial. Or creepy. One of those.

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  4. Oh my god that was a delight to read! Love it. I totally can see this happening to me. lol :-)

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  5. Ahh see I would have finished the hug with something like.. wait I see something on your shoulder here.. I mean as a woman we are designed to even notice lint on others, loose hair we see it. Of course all of those powers only work on other people, never ourselves. Which is why you always see 2 women brushing off the shoulder of the other or checking their backs for dirt or lint.. Yep that is what I would have done.

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  6. AHHH THAT IS SO AWKWARD. I hate stuff like that. AHHHH

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  7. laughing out loud!!!!! Great recovery! ;)

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  8. I am somewhat new to your blog, so maybe you always do this, but I love how you're the one with the random pink antler (or perhaps your feather mask.) I sincerely hope you wear that mask as often as possible.

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  9. Well, that was funny as hell! (completely at your expense.)

    You know, since things were taking an awkward turn anyways, maybe you could have just rolled with it and when you got to the meeting, just hugged every damned person there, and completely turned the tables on her?

    Of course, this sort of brilliance never occurs to me until I'm back at home and have been in bed for 3 hours......but still? :)

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  10. Seriously, this made me uncomfortable just reading it. But whatever, I have to change the channel when Matt Lauer starts asking his (not very) hard hitting questions on the Today Show, so obviously I don't do well with awkward situations. How you sat through the entire meeting after that is beyond me, so bravo for that.

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  11. Ha! I'm an inappropriate hugger too. I feel your pain.

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  12. This made me laugh. This just happened to me. Can't remember who or where (maybe with the embarrassment I blocked it out) but I went in for the hug and soon it became clear they did not think we were hugging acquaintances. Loved the illustrations.

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  13. Oh my god, awkward moments like that are the WORST, and I have many, many of them. Love the drawings!

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  14. I think you'll get invited back. Bring cookies!

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  15. Oh holy shit. You leaned in to accept the hug of someone you don't know who wasn't offering one. I am laughing at your expense. I'm sort of sorry but really enjoying the laugh and your cartoons.

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  16. Oh, too funny! I've been there, done that, but was the person targeted of the hug instead of offering it.

    A new professor on campus was coming into a lunch that several staff members and I were hosting. I had sat in on his interview and had met him once. I was welcoming him to the lunch and opened my arms to gesture to the dining room we were using and he almost hugged me, probably because he was new and glad to see a familiar face. After he was out of earshot, I turned to my colleague and said, "Was he totally going in for a hug" and she said, "Oh, yeah. Awkward!"

    I didn't hold it against him and think that the lady will likely not hold it against you, either :)

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  17. Well, hello Awkward Moment! It's been so long since we last met.

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  18. This sort of thing happens to me waaay too often. But it does make perfect bloggy material at least :)

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  19. Haha, oops!!

    I'm not a fan of hugging so I tend to look panicked if someone is coming at me.

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  20. THIS WINS THE INTERNET. THE WHOLE THING. THIS POST WINS. THIS.

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  21. Maybe at the next meeting you could give an in-service on hugging? Your colleagues might like that. . .

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  22. I am such a touchy feely kind of person that I'm sure I've creeped out many a folk with my hugs.

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  23. "trying to telepathically jedi mind-trick her into forgetting what happened?"
    That was my favorite line. I'm still laughing. This was totally enjoyable, not only a funny story, but well-written.
    Leslie (aka Gwen Moss)

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  24. Aaaaahwkward!

    I hate it when you're kind of close with colleagues, and you can't tell if they want a handshake or a hug in a semi-professional setting, so it's either a really awkward handshake, or a really crappy half hug... not that I do this all the time because I'm friends with half my colleagues or anything... nope. Nope.

    So needless to say, I can totally picture this happening. You should have just curtsied and moved along your merry way. Humor fixes everything!

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  25. I'm such a bitch.....although only the most loving kind of course. cuz I totally would have just went for it. maybe even sang a bit of "what the world needs' now...is love, sweet love.." just to see her squirm a bit.
    I'm a hugger....it's better for you if you just go with it.

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  26. Welcome to my life, full of misread social cues and subsequent Jedi mind-tricks to erase my blunders.
    You handled it beautifully.

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  27. I have faced the same situation twice and managed to make them more uncomfortable by trying to make them comfortable. Good times.

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  28. I would've so hugged her anyway. I don't stop midhug. Ever.

    Does that make me the hug date rapist? Cause that doesn't sound like a good thing to be.

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  29. Abort abort! Pee your pants! Haha you know how to make the Blue one smile and pee his pants, getting rid of some surviving ants in the process. I thank you for that. Those ants were quite annoying. Let's hug. ;)

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    1. Those ants are STILL bothering you?! Yikes! Maybe you should set them on fire.

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  30. Totally scrolled back up to see if the door really WAS there the whole time.
    Anyhoo, I do not hug. I'm the person who immediately glues her arms to her sides if people launch at me. I feel her pain, you dirty hugger you.

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    1. I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't notice the door.

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  31. Oh holy hell. So funny!! I don't really hug people (especially if I don't really know them) but I also don't want to make people uncomfortable so I would probably have done the same thing. I'm sure this does not make you feel better in any way at all. But I did love this post.

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  32. Hahahahah!!! I think that the funniest part of this was actually visualizing myself in the same situation because it's happened more than once. This was a quite funny read!

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  33. This is fabulous and you will have to tell me who it was one day. Happens to me way too often and I've even thought about wearing a pin that says "I'm not a hugger." I hate this type of hugging just as much as the kiss on the cheek.

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