Monday, April 30, 2012

You Googled What? - The "Um..." Edition

Oh Googlers, you never cease to amaze me.  Or traumatize me.  Seriously, what is up with the things people Google?  Some of them are even too disturbing for my taste.

Here are some of the tame(r) Google searches that landed people on my blog.

Maybe you should eat your makeup
Hmmm...that's an interesting idea.  Here's another one: maybe you shouldn't.

What is with all the bacon on twitter?
It's what the cool people tweet about. Duh.

Really lame writing
Gee, thanks. Tell me how you really feel.

Crapped myself embarrassing
If you googled this to find out whether crapping yourself is embarrassing, let me assure you.  It is.

Shark in assless chaps
Um, what?

It's about a writer and a hooker
Yep. That about sums up my blog.

My cat had a lot of poop
Um, congratulations? 

Do you have to cut your vagina?
What?! No! No, no, no! You never, ever, never, never, never have to do that!  

Do I look like I give a F?
Well, I can't really see you right now, but I'm going to go

Just show me some bouncing eggs
Um, why? 

Lovegra to love your partner until last
Either I'm having a seizure or that makes absolutely no sense.

Image baby monkey growing out of forehead
Honestly, people! What is wrong with you?! 

Coffee thong
Is this coffee that you can wear or a thong you can drink? I'm confused and have a headache now.

Head up your ass trophy
Baha. This is actually a good one. I know a few people I could give this to.

I'm supposed to die tonight  
And you had nothing better to do than hang out on the google? 
Cute puppies in love
Aw. My faith in humanity is restored.


Friday, April 27, 2012

And Then I Sliced Off My Finger

Hey, hey, hey, guess where I'm playing today?

I'm over at Studio30 Plus talking about the rights of humans to keep their internal organs. Or something. You should go read it and tell me for sure. I wrote it yesterday but I forgot already. Probably due to the massive amounts of blood loss I'm currently experiencing.

Remember awhile ago when I said I wanted to make a quilt? Well now I am and everything was going well (shocking, I know) until I sliced my finger open on the rotary cutter. I wasn't even using it. It was just sitting on the table and I reached for some fabric and BOOM! Sliced finger!

It didn't really hurt and I barely noticed it but a few minutes later I looked down and my finger is spewing blood. I probably need stitches but that would require putting on a bra and pants and leaving my house. I think I'll just consult WebMD; however, they'll probably just tell me I'm having a panic attack.

Honestly, WebMD is so unhelpful. Awhile ago I asked them what it means that my pee smells like Cheerios. It spit out a bunch of articles about kids doing strange and/or hilarious things and none of them involved pee and/or Cheerios.

Way to blame the victim, WebMD.

Anyway, you really should go read my post at Studio30 Plus. And please leave a comment so I don't look like a loser with no friends. Correction, a loser with a blood-spewing finger and Cheerio-smelling pee who has no friends.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Um, Hi? And also. WTF!

Hey there! Did you guys know there's this thing called the A to Z Blogging Challenge?

Me too!

Did you know I was participating until life decided to go all craptastic?

Me too!

It's like we're psychic or something. Telepathic? I don't know. Which is not surprising since I don't know much these days.

Oh! But I d know my kitty is still here. It's a kitty miracle!!! Thank you everyone for your kind words and concern and tweets and comments. You are all awesome sausage and should have received your cookies in the mail. If not, please let me know and I will speak to someone about it immediately. I'm not sure exactly who I should speak to, but when I find out, I can assure you I will be speaking like whoa.

I was going to pick up where I left off on the challenge, pretending I was never gone, and hope you guys didn't notice. But then! Something magical happened. Amy aka Coffee Lovin' Mom reminded me that I am guest posting on her blog today!


I know. I'm excited too.

I'm not exactly sure what I wrote because I wrote it months ago, but I'm pretty sure it's awesome and amazing and almost as good as bacon and way better than what I would be writing if I kept writing this post. So scoot on over there and check it out.

Oh, but first, a mini rant: WTF Blogger! I go away for a few days and you change everything? EVERYTHING! I would just love to know what gives you the right to do something so heinous? Okay, maybe heinous is a strong word. But honestly! As if life hasn't been traumatic enough, you have to set my hair on fire too? Okay, so maybe that's a slightly dramatic comparison. But next time, a little warning would be nice. Better yet, how 'bout there never be a next time. Don't touch my shit without asking, okay?

And scene.

Now click on over to Coffee Lovin' Mom and read my fabulosity.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Olive Oil and Obscene Phone Calls

Editor's Note: This post is meant to be funny. However, at times, it may be unintentionally sad or even down-right depressing. The Sarcasm Goddess' cat is dying. Some of you may be saying, "Didn't that already happen?" The answer is yes, yes it did. Now her other cat is dying. And she's not really sure how one is supposed to deal with the death of two of her childhood cats within an eight-ish day period. It's entirely possible there may be a kitty miracle but...

Okay, The Sarcasm Goddess has to stop talking about this now.

Editor's Note P.S. This blog has no editor. Clearly. If it did, posts like this would never happen. I hope you all brought  your helmets. Also, I think, according to proper grammatical procedures it should be, "This blog does not have an editor."

Meh. Grammar.

Editor's Note P.P.S. If this blog has no editor it means The Sarcasm Goddess was referring to herself in the third person in the first paragraph (and is apparently still doing it). That probably means something significant. Like when your heart is filled with grief you become detached from reality. That, or you really really really should never hit Publish without an editor's approval.

Or maybe you shouldn't blog when you're dead.

That will make more sense later.

Probably not.

I just got home from the longest eight hour trip. It wasn't long in the way eight hours is long, and not even the way twenty-seven hours is long, but rather the way eight-hours-seems-like-twenty-seven-hours is long. And no, I can't explain what that means or how that works. I'm not a mathematician, people.

I should probably also explain that I was on a car trip, not some other kind of trip involving illegal drugs. The only tripping I engage in is the walking up stairs variety and 27 hour car trips. However, if someone could give me a drug, legal or otherwise, that would reverse the death and impending death of my cats, I would take it.

However, I think someone did that once and it was called Pet Sematary, except maybe without the drugs, and it did not end well. I can't say for certain, though, because someone is hawking up a loogie in the pool and I'm distracted. Also? Vomiting.

Which is alarming, and also possibly miraculous, considering I'm dead. Or maybe vomiting is a typical day-in-the-life of a dead person. 

I don't know. I've never been dead before.

By now, you are probably seven shades of confused. But don't worry, none of the stuff I've said so far really matters. I think this is called working through your grief and you should probably just skip everything up to this point. However, if you reached this point it means you probably did read the above, in which case, I'm sorry.


Okay, the real post is going to start now and the amount of sense it will make will likely be equal to or less than the amount of sense this post has made thus far.

(Oh, and in case anyone is wondering: I'm dead because when I got home from aforementioned car trip, I made coffee, momentarily thought we were out of creamer, had a nervous breakdown and died.)

Do you ever have one of those days you wish someone would come save you from your own stupidity?

Me too.

Today wasn't one of those days. Obviously, everything went according to plan seeing as how I ended up dead and am now constructing the most brilliant blog post in the history of ever.

My I'm-too-dumb-to-function day happened a few days ago. After several comedic episodes, which were less "comedic" and more "good job, dumbass", I started making notes in my notebook because Hello! Awesome blog post!

Some of the notes I can read, some are illegible and the others? I have no idea what they mean. Like: scarf, Target, choke. I'm guessing that means I almost choked myself trying on scarves at Target. Which sounds pretty accurate since it's happened before. Except "Target" was my house and I did it while the husband was sleeping upstairs. I tried to scream for help but it's pretty hard to do when you can't breathe.

I'll spare you the details of the other idiotic stuff I did and skip to the part where I sat on my patio and lathered myself in Olive Oil, officially confirming to my neighbors that I am The Crazy they always suspected.

Why did I do this?

I think the better question is, why wouldn't I do this? Either way, though, the answer is my skin hates me and has decided to get really dry and Olive Oil is good for dry skin.

You know what's not good for Olive Oil coated skin? Lying out by the pool. Which is what I did approximately ten minutes after I basted myself because I have the memory of a person with a very bad memory and had forgotten I coated myself in an active frying ingredient. As the hot rays beat down on my skin I was all, "Mmmm, something's cooking." And then I was all, "It's you, dumbass."

I think that was the end of my dumbass shenanigans, unless ouch, wall hmngmhb means I later walked into a wall. Which is, of course, completely within the realm of possibility.

You know what else is within the realm of possibility? Inadvertently getting involved in an obscene phone call.

Sort of.

I would explain it to you but this post is already way too long to be a post about absolutely nothing. And also? Sadness. And also x 2? "O" day is almost over. So I'm just going to hit Publish and wish you all the very best of luck reading this. Don't forget your helmets and also probably a flotation device. You know, just in cases.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Naughty or Nice?

Today is a very special day. Perhaps THE MOST special day in the A to Z challenge. Today is the birthday of a very dear bloggy friend...

Just Jennifer!

Probably the very best thing to come of out of this crazy bloggy business (besides all of you telling me what pretty, shiny hair I have) is "meeting" other amazing bloggers. Just Jennifer is one of those bloggers.

I'm not really sure where or how I met Jen or as I like to call her, Just Plain Awesome, but we reached BFF status right away. Or maybe the correct term is BBFF - Best Bloggy Friend Forever.

If you know Jen, you know she's been through some pretty heavy stuff lately. If anyone deserves a Just Plain Awesome Birthday, it's this girl.

In order to give Jen a proper bloggy birthday, I asked a few bloggy friends (who are also amazing people that I have had the crazy pleasure - and I do mean cra-ha-zy {Vagina Shenanigans and labia legwarmers come to mind} - to get to know.

The theme for Jen's bday celebration is, of course, naughty or nice? As in, should Jen be naughty or nice on her birthday? We all know Jen has a proclivity for the naughty. Remember that whole lick something debacle, which actually turned out to be "show me something" and then tons of bloggers thought Jen was asking them to show her their naughty bits, but what she actually meant was that we were supposed to show her where we do our blogging?

Confused? You're not the only one. There was mass hysteria and the world almost imploded.

But that's how it is with Jen. She's wild and crazy. But also funny and sweet and supportive and down-right amazing.

So without further ado, here are a few birthday wishes for you Jen, from some of your Snoop Bloggity Blog friends.

From Jenn at Fox in the City
My dearest Jen,
Today on your birthday I am overcome with the need to express to you just how amazingly nice you are!  In the new fangled dictionary beside the word amazing is a picture of you.  You, my dear Jen with one “n” are simply the picture of strength, grace, positivity and just plain awesomeness.  Enjoy this birthday!  Go forth and drink too much wine . . . each too much cake . . . . and do a little sexy dance for Mark . . .  NAKED!!
Love Jenn aka Fox in the City

From Rach at Life Ever Since
Ok, part 1:  Neither naughty nor nice.  But knitting.  As in more legwarmers and let's add some fingerless gloves to complete the look.  Wear around town, esp at your children's schools.

Part 2:  Happy Birthday to my friend Jen.  Jen, you are kind, sincere and an incredibly strong woman who, even during difficulties, still manages to stay sane and graceful.  I liked you before, but I really grew to love and respect you after reading about your recent struggle with Mark's health.  I love seeing what a strong wife and mother you've become and am very proud of you.

From Stasha at The Good Life
Happy 26th Birthday Jen. Again. I think very soon and definitely before you turn a year older you should make your way up to our island. Once here I will treat you nice, like great friends should be! I might even take you to our Starbucks for some naughty handsome barista spying. So hurry up!

Photo by Stasha

From Dr. G. (Deborah Gilboa, MD) at Ask Doctor G

For your birthday I think you should indeed be a little naughty. After all, your lives for the past few months have been a roller coaster, and you've had to focus on the needs of everyone else. So here is my naughty (and slightly sneaky suggestion).

You have wishes and desires and nobody can make them come true if you don't speak up. So as lovely things occur to you today you're going to Need them. At the beginning of your day I hope you'll say to Mark and the kids, "Everybody, today I have Needs. K?" Just for today Jen, anything you want is a Need! Feel like a foot rub? "Hey, I Need a foot massage!" A cup of your favorite coffee from across town? Shout it out! Total piece and quiet to noodle around on the internet or watch brain candy TV? Speak up with your Need! Your family wants to pamper you and you Need it so let 'em know.

Here is my birthday wish for you. I know that you have huge stores of strength and love for whatever life throws at you. I wish for you that this year be a year of storing strength rather than needing it, of hoarding love and happiness, of stockpiling fun and great health.  Thank you for the friendship you have given me so freely despite having never met!

Much love,

From Amy at Coffee Lovin' Mom
My well seasoned birthday advice to Jen would be:


never never never

and I mean NEVER

(I can't really stress enough nevers in this situation) do a bunch of shots of Goldschlager and try to sing karaoke on your birthday - you will be the suckiest singer there, even if you're normally soberly pretty decent and you may inadvertently grab the wheel of the sober person driving on the ride home, ending up in a ditch or possibly fall up the stairs - twice. ALSO?  NEVER under any circumstance try a drink called the Three Wise Men - ever.  We're talking keys locked in the car, lost earrings and people having to assist your every move only to remind you how completely stupid you were the night before when you wake up wearing someone else's pants the next morning.  Wait, there's one more - if someone dares you to buy any hard liquor that is over 100 proof, just pass (unless it's a triple dog dare and you can't)...really it's not worth being told that you beat the crap out of your cousin (for being a slut), ruining her glasses or having the Southern Comfort flu until the following evening.  Not that I have ever had *ahem* personal experience (there is no photographic evidence) with any of these situations but I guess this would mean you should be nice instead of naughty.

Jen, you deserve the best birthday EVAH - I hope your day is Tony the Tiger GRRRrrrrrRReat!!!

From Scotty at Dads Who Change Diapers
Happy Birthday to the newest member of the Diaper Dads Rogue Gallery of Awesomeness! Welcome aboard. And remember, always use your powers for the forces of good.
Awesome Image by Scotty

And from Kristi at The Robot Mommy
For Jen's birthday, she definitely needs to say F*CK YOU to the rain and yuck that has been taking up her precious time and energy.

Go grab her polka dotted socks because studies show polka dots reduce stress, make you say the word "fuzzy" more and is the best part of sex because you leave THEM on!!

After your sex romp in your dots, you have a dirty martini robot mommy style ( that's extra olive juice and 6 olives- I are 3 before this pic was taken)
Most of all, have a bitchin' birthday and remember you are loved!

From Me:
My Dearest Just Plain Awesome Girl,

You should be a little bit naughty and a little bit nice. A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. A little bit salty, a little bit sweet. And if Bon Jovi shows up at your doorstep to serenade you, well...I leave that completely up to you to decide what to do.

I hope one day we get to meet in real life. But until then, I will enjoy our twitter/blog/facebook conversations and Draw Something/Words With Friends games...sometimes all the same time.

You are truly the best and I hope your day is filled with nothing but fabulousness.

Love ya, girl!

So, my peoples. What do you think? Should Jen be naughty or nice?

What is the nicest thing you've ever done (or had done for you on your birthday)? What is the naughtiest thing you've ever done (why do I having a feeling I'm going to regret asking that question?)?

Spoiler Alert: If you didn't play green glass doors with us on Saturday (first of all, why not?) and still want to play don't read what's next...

The rule is that you can be any word that has a double letter in it. So you can be a grEEn glaSS dOOr. You can be an aPPle but not a banana. You can wish Just JeNNifer HaPPy but you can't wish her birthday.

And now for some gems of things people could and couldn't be yesterday:

Yana Verbitskaia: You can be almost any member of the cast of Jersey Shore, except for The Situation and Pauly D. Amazing.

Pish Posh: Well as I know all too well I can be poor but I can't be rich. I can be a puppy and I can poop and pee but I sure as shit can't be a cat.

Super Earthling: Oh yeah…piece of cake. Here’s mine: You can be a clueless moron like Super Earthling who hasn’t figured out the key to this damn game—but you can’t be a chocolate covered pretzel because--ha-ha--I just ate them all and there aren’t any left.

Word of the Day:
nonplus: to render utterly perplexed; puzzle completely


Saturday, April 14, 2012

More Game Fun?

Some people subscribe to the theory that there can be too much of a good thing. But I think that's absurd. Bacon is good. More bacon is better. Wine and cheese are good. More wine and cheese is better. Diamonds are good. More diamonds are...well you get the idea.

Since we all had so much fun on our picnic yesterday, we're going to play another fun game. Why? Because... When... We... Party! We party hardy and when we boogie...

Oh sorry. I slipped into a cheering camp coma for a second there.

Obviously we're playing this game because it's fun. But also because it's Saturday and who wants to do real work on Saturday? And also? This challenge is causing me to double up on my anxiety meds and posts like this prevent me from having to eat my hair and rock myself in the corner.

Here we go. The game is Green Glass Doors. 

Same rule as last time.
1. You don't know what the rule is.
2. You have to figure out the rule in order to know what you can "be" and what you can't "be."
3. The object is say one thing you can be and one thing you can't be.

My animal friends and I will get you started. Make sure you pay close attention to how I respond to each animal. And please play along in the comments!!

Good job, Gerald! That is right! Try to keep it together, please. It's just a game.

 Actually, Arnie, you can be both of those things. Try again.

Sorry, Chrissy. You can't be either of those things. Try again.

Good job, Brown Cow! You rock this game.

Okay, everyone. Tell me what you can be and what you can't.

Spoiler alert: If you still want to play the picnic game, don't read the key below.

The key to the picnic game is that you can only bring things that start with the letters of your first and last name. Which is why, I, the Sarcasm Goddess can bring Skittles and a Game Boy. Or a slinky and a gorilla. Or a sandwich and grapes.

And now, a few picnic gems from yesterday:

Justin: Can I use an alias for this? If so, my name is Gaylord Baldinger and I will be bringing Gary Busey. If not, I'll just bring a jackass. (which could also be Gary Busey, come to think of it!)

Catherine Dabels: My name is Catherine and I do not understand this game. Not even one little bit. But.....I am coming to the picnic and I plan on bringing Diet Pepsi and a bucket of friiiiiiiiied chicken.  Please tell me I can bring those.

Mizzou: My name is Oates. I am bringing my bearded dragon (he shaved) and a cooler full of ice. May I come? If I can come, I will wear my animal print pants. #WaitingAnxoiusly

Quote of the Day:
Be obscure clearly.  ~E.B. White

Word of the Day:
macaronic: composed of a mixture of languages 


Friday, April 13, 2012

Let's Play A Game! UPDATED with a hint at the end!

It's Friday! And you know what that means...

Free Day Friday Football Fun!

When I was in elementary school, that's what Friday's were called. It all had to do with P.E. On Friday's we didn't have to play dodgeball or capture the flag. The boys could play football (I assume that's where the football fun came from) and the girls could pick daisies and start fights on the four square court.

Or if you were like my friend T, you got your finger stuck in the Tetherball pole. Don't ask me how or why she did it, just know it happened. And it was traumatic. For everyone. Or if you were my friend K, you tried to give me a high five, missed my face and jammed your VERY LONG and INCREDIBLY POINTY fingernail into my chin which spewed blood like a geyser spews geyser-y stuff. (P.S. I sport a scar to this day.) Or if you were like me, you got stung by a bee on the boob but you were too embarrassed to say boob to the teacher so you just suffered quietly and tried not to rub yourself lest you be accused of being inappropriately "free" loving with yourself on Free Day Friday Football Fun.

What does all of that have to do with today's post?


Oh right! We're going to play a game because it's Free Day Friday Football Fun, and you all have to play. Because it's fun. And because on FFFFF you give up the freedom to do what you want and have to do everything I say.

In related news. I'm an only child. Can you tell?

Seriously though. This game is going to be soooooooo much fun. It's called WE'RE GOING ON A PICNIC!

The rule is very simple:
1. You don't know what the rule is.
2. You have to figure out the rule.
3.You state your name and say you're bringing two things to the picnic. Some things you're allowed to bring, some things you're not. You have to figure out what you're allowed to bring based on what everyone else is allowed to bring.

Make sense? Don't worry, me and my animal friends will start so you can see how it works.

Also, the husband hates this game. But he also refused to dress like Peter Pan for Halloween. Clearly, he doesn't know what fun is.

 That's okay, husband. I still love you.

Here we go. (P.S. Don't forget to tell me your name and what you're bringing in the comments. And if you figure out the rule, don't tell anyone!)

Yes you can! Good job, Chrissy!

You can bring Gushers but you can't bring Doritos. Try again, Gerald.

It's a little weird that you'd bring ants to a picnic, Arnie. But good job, you can bring both of those things.

I appreciate your enthusiasm Brown Cow, but you cannot bring either of those things.

Okay, my Free Day Friday Football Fun-ers, it's your turn! What are you bringing to the picnic?

UPDATED: Pay attention to what other people in the comments say they're bringing and if I say they can bring them or not.

Very Important Note: Just because YOU cannot bring something to the picnic, doesn't mean someone else can't. 

Now it's time for Free Day Friday Comment Gems! Yaaaaaay!!!

TheOtherLisa: I like to sing along with my iPod while I vacuum. I can't hear it and it's a great punishment for my children.

Anthony J: ah it was like reading about my grandmother she is still like that and i noticed that i turned out semi like her when i host dinners ( even though im a guy, does this mean the above applies to guys too?!) gotta love Italian women!

RoryBore: I went to an Italian wedding once. including the dinner. the 7 course dinner. and of course, open bar.  It was about 14 years ago....I think the indigestion is coming along pretty well. any day now I could probably eat some chicken.

Yana Verbitskaia: Listen, I buy invisible shit at the grocery store all the time. What are you trying to say? ;) 

Pish Posh: As long as you don't lick my pants and pee my face.  We'd both be sad.  my pants are dirty  

Quote of the Day:
I love being a writer.  What I can't stand is the paperwork. 
 ~Peter De Vries 

Word of the Day:
lucent: shining.

Word of Yesterday:
kef: a state of drowsy contentment


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Kill 'Im Karaoke Style

I am a terrible singer. Terrible like whoa. Imagine the worst singer you've ever heard. No! Image the worst sound you've ever heard. Any sound that's terrible. Perhaps mating cats clawing a chalkboard? If you've heard a sound more terrible than that, first of all, I'm sorry, second of all, imagine it.

Are you imagining?

Is your nose scrunched and your eyes squinted and your ears bleeding at the mere thought of the sound?


Now multiply the awfulness of that sound times a kajillion billion.
Oh geez. We're going to be here awhile. Anyone got a calculator?

I know Harold. I know.

Honestly, I should be brought in during the interrogation of war criminals. Three notes in and they'd be confessing to crimes they didn't even commit just to get me to shut up.

Needless to say, I don't karaoke. It seems unnecessary to subject innocent people to such heinous torture. However, one night after half a beer, I decided karaoke would be a fabulous idea.

The husband: Uhhhh, are you sure you wanna do that?

Me: Yes! I've been practicing.

The husband: Uhhhhh, what are you going to sing?

Me: Adele!

The husband: That is the worst idea ever.

Me: No really, I'm good. Oh! I have an idea. I'll practice right here for you first. Tell me what you think, ok?

The husband (to the waitress): What's the strongest shot you've got? Anything that can make me instantly black-out?

The waitress: Ummm, well we might have...

The husband: Never mind. Just bring me ALL THE ALCOHOL. STAT!

I cleared my throat, did a few warm up exercises and began to sing for the husband.

I can't say for sure, but I think the husband stabbing himself in the ear with a fork is a bad sign. So, sadly, I did not karaoke.

You may have noticed that it's nearly "L" day. I'm getting this post in under the wire so I'll double up on the comment gems are words and quotes of the day tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Just For Fun

Just for fun, let's take a tour of some of my Pinterest boards. Oh, relax it won't be that boring. And no, this is not my shameless attempt at trying to harass seduce you into following me over there. To prove it, I didn't even link any of the previous words to my page.

I really should wait until "P" day for this post, but instead of approaching this challenge with planning and purpose, I'm flying by the seat of my assless chaps.

When I first joined Pinterest I was SUPER EXCITED and INCREDIBLY ADDICTED although I had no idea why. I spent 97 bajillion hours creating color themed boards: Hello Yellow! Think Pink! Green with Envy! and pinned a bunch of stuff that fell into the appropriate color category. It was rip-roaring good fun. But that was months ago and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with any of that now.

The best use I have found for Pinterest is pinning hilarious and/or snarky sayings and animals. Yes, animals can be snarky.

Here are some of my faves. If you find even one of these remotely funny or shout "oh, heck yes!" then congratulations, I am your friend for life. Yay, you.

Have I mentioned lately that I love you people? For seriousness, I do. The fact that you are sticking to me through this challenge means you are grade A superstars. Either that or we should stop wrestling in syrup.

Get it? Stick to me. Syrup.

Oh fine, that wasn't funny. They can't all be winners, people. It's called a challenge for a reason.

Now for some people who are winners, here are today's comment gems (just so we're clear, every comment is a gem and the fact that you take the time chat with me makes me want to pee my pants and lick your face. if that's not incentive for leaving a comment, I don't know what is.)

J. Day: You went to see Jake Owen? I hate you. And I swear I saw a Luke Bryan reference somewhere else. I hate you even more. I would LOVE to see them. Especially Luke.

Anyone who can make me feel so loved by telling me they hate me is a winner in my book. Thanks, J.Day.
Brett Minor: That was great. I hope there are more to come.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Quote of the Day:
Pick one from the above. I think I'm going to go with the one about pooping in the hallway.

Word of the Day:
jettison: throw away or over