Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Tis the Season to Be Tacky

25 Days of Christmas Blogging
Day 11

Every year, the husband and I attend a Tacky Sweater Party hosted by a few of our friends. In addition to wildly tacky attire, it’s filled with intoxicated geo caching at one a.m., inappropriate White Elephant gifts, and idiots diving into shallow pools. Pretty much your standard holiday party shenanigans.

There are many things that can make a Christmas sweater tacky. In fact the name alone – Christmas sweater – implies tackiness (as does any sort of themed sweater, in my opinion). But add to that an embroidered Christmas scene, or glitter, or bells, or lights, or any combination of those, and you’ve got an article of clothing straight from fashion hell. Or, you know, your grandmother’s closet.

Last year, the husband and I visited our local Goodwill and put together an entire tacky ensemble. We ended up looking like Todd and Margo from Christmas Vacation.

 "And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?"
"I don't know, Margo."

 While it was fabulous, this year  we decided to focus solely on The Sweater. To us, what makes a sweater truly tacky is not something that’s really outrageous, but something somebody, somewhere (probably shopping at Wal-Mart) would actually wear. And like. And say, “Idn’t this just the cutest thang?”

The husband and I put our brains together over some sausage (which is to say we went to a sausage restaurant and ate sausage) and came up with THE BEST IDEA EVAH! After consuming sufficient amounts of animal guts shoved inside an intestine casing, we hurried on over to our local craft store to purchase our supplies. We came home, and like giddy children on Christmas Eve, we made our sweaters.

I know I’m probably a little biased, but they are fantastic. So much so that I see why some people wear sweaters like this. So much so that I kinda wear a sweater like this for reals. All day every day.

The party is this weekend. I want to keep it a surprise until then. After it’s over, I’ll post pictures. You’re probably gonna wanna stock up on some Depends, because when you see them you’ll be so happy you’ll pee.

Comment gem!

This happens to me a lot. It happened at Staples a while back and I swear, I was ready to stab myself in both eyes with a dull pencil.


  1. I really hope it features reindeer and snowmen re-enacting the Nutcracker. With glitter and working light-noses.

    1. Hmmm, you should probably lower your expectations.

  2. I am SO excited to see these sweaters!!! xx

    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    2. You should be. They are epic. Maybe.

  3. My mother had the plethora of Christmas sweaters and sweater vests.. She would wear them starting right after Thanksgiving and I would shake my head and say "REALLY?? You are wearing that in public, with me" Right now I would give anything to see her in one.. sighs.. sorry didn't mean to get sappy here. I too cannot wait to see your creations..

  4. I can't wait to see it! I have always wanted to go to a tacky holiday sweater party.

  5. Oooh! I am interested in seeing this! I hope they scream, "Look at this UNIQUE, FESTIVE, and FUN sweater I found right next to the off-brand anti-fungal cream and 'fine' jewelry at K-mart!" Bonus points if they make a NASCAR reference.

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