Thursday, December 6, 2012

I'd Like a New Secret Santa, Please

25 Days of Christmas Blogging
Day 6

Although I don't believe that Christmas is all about the presents, I really enjoy giving and receiving them. And I've always thought the idea of a Secret Santa is kinda fun. It adds another layer of excitement to the gifting process. I wonder who my Santa is and I wonder what they will give me?

There are many benefits to the Mysterious Gift Giver process. If you have a large family or circle of friends, it can be a way to save money. It also allows you get a nice gift for one person instead of buying a hundred rejects gifts from the half off bin at the dollar store.

Surprise! I got you a coat hanger/tooth picker/toe nail cleaner in one! Watch out for the rust. Or maybe it's blood. Oh, who cares! Happy Hepatitis Holidays!

However, there is a downside to the Secret Santa process. Sometimes, the person who draws your name has absolutely no idea what to get you. They try to find something you'll like. They really do. But you still end up with a gift that sucks.

I was a recent victim of such gift suckage.

Allow me to set the stage:

11:30 p.m.. last night. The husband is sleeping on the couch. I take the dogs outside to do their business. We come back inside and I go downstairs to the office to get some work done. Two minutes later I realize I left something that I need upstairs. Two minutes fifteen seconds later I begin shouting.

"Poop! I stepped in poop! EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Where did it come from. Poooooop!"

The husband wakes up. "Huh, what's going on? What's all the shouting about?"

"POOP! I stepped in poop! In the house! There's poop in the house!"

The husband: Is it the dogs'?

Me: Well, unless you took a crap on the floor, yes, it's the dogs' poop.

Me to the dogs: Which one of you did this? I just took you out to poop! Did you have poop hanging from your butt and it dropped in the house? Huh? WHO DID IT?! Oh this is so gross. WHOSE POOP IS THIS?

Sweet Riley

Evil Cody

The husband: Maybe if you keep shouting at them they'll answer you.

Guess what, guys? The husband does not like to be woken up to the sounds of someone screaming about poop.

Oh, I'm sorry, husband. You try stepping in poop and not screaming about it.

I live with three boys. There was poop on the floor. No one will own up to it. So typical.

Listen, my loves. I appreciate the effort. And it really is the thought that counts. I think. I also respect that you're trying to maintain the integrity of the "secret" part of Secret Santa, but how about from here on out we leave the gift giving to the real Santa and just give each other hugs? Poop free hugs.

Don't forget! I'm hosting a Blogger Ornament Exchange!
Send an ornament to another blogger, receive one from a mystery blogger. It's one part white elephant, one part secret santa, all parts AWESOME!
For more details read below or click here.

Send me an email to SarcasmGoddess (at) ymail (dot) com . Be sure to include your name, blog name and address.

I will randomly match up participants. You will know who you are sending the ornament to (duh!) but you will not know who will be receiving an ornament from. So it's one part white elephant, one part secret santa, all parts AWESOME!

  You can send any kind of ornament: wacky, tacky, silly or pretty. Just please try send something your recipient will actually want to hang it on their tree. (However, everyone should be prepared for the possibility that you may receive an ornament that doesn't quite fit your style/morals/life code, etc. The fun is in the exchange and the surprise of not knowing who your Secret Santa is and what you'll get!) You may want to consider sending something that represents your blog, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO. You can send any kind of ornament you want.

The deadline to participate is December 10th so that I have enough time to match everyone up and you guys have time to mail your ornaments before Christmas!

Comment gems!

I love that Drummer Guy was so into his work out that he's doing a full on Phil Collins drum along on his treadmill. It's very Honeybadger of him.

Hahaha I love this post. One of the things I hate most about the gym, is the women who think its acceptable to spend ten minutes moisturizing their entire body in the changing rooms while completely naked. X



  1. Poop free hugs are probably the best kind.

  2. Happy Hepatitis Holidays!!!! Hysterical!!!

  3. Happy Hepatitis Holidays!!!! Hysterical!!!

  4. And that's the reason I wipe my dogs butt after every poop! 90% of the time the toilet paper comes back clean -- dogs are so good at dropping, but there's that other 10% where it's messy. I don't want to see my little one scooting across my carpets ever! She automatically heads for the bathroom whenever she comes in from the outside, but only if she's pooped.
    It was always part of her training. :)

  5. Stepping in poop is definitely grounds for screaming at the top of your lungs. And hopping around while flailing your arms hysterically.

  6. Oh my, that is the ultimate gift suckage. Of course I've never been so gifted...with four Chihuahuas...yeah right...

  7. Total. Gift. Suckage. We don't have dogs, but every once in a while one of the cats will have a dingleberry. Why couldn't it be a holly berry instead?

  8. Two Chihuahuas, one cat, one Hubby and a teenaged daughter. I win. For example, two weeks ago teenaged daughter (heretofore referred to as "Filly") was sick. So was the cat. Both dogs. Hubby slept. I walked to the kitchen, almost completely dark because Nightwalkers are naturally nice people (read: prefer silence and being left the hell alone) and keep lights off, sounds muted. *Squish* *Gag* *sniff* WTF?!

    I blamed the cat. After all, he does his holiday suckage gift giving at least once a week after engorging on cat food, dog food and anything in the sink. I yell at the cat. Curse the dogs.

    Filly, "Mom, my stomach..."


  9. 1. Stepping in poop in bare feet is so freaking gross. It happened to me one morning at 5 a.m. in the dark hallway. I still have not recovered.

    2. Whenever I find pee or poop, I ask my two dogs, "Who did this? WHO? WHO POOPED?" They are like, "Mother, we see you are in a rage. Do our pitiful faces help you to forget your disbelief and disgust? I'm not sure, but I think the father did it."

  10. I have not stepped in poop before but I have stepped in cat vomit. That wasn't fun either :/

  11. maybe it was chocolate?
    If I had a dollar for every time I had to ask one of my 3 kids, "is that poop or chocolate on your fingers?": I'd own All The Bacon.


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