Before we get to all the weirdos on the internets, I have an announcement to make! You've heard me talk about my Just Plain Awesome bloggy friend Just Jennifer. Well just when I think she can't get any more awesome, she does.
On Saturday, she talked about me on her blog. In fact, she made a pretty big announcement about a recent project of mine. I had planned on mentioning it here, on my blog, on the same day, but I was out of town and my internet decided to crap out on me, which means I also wasn't able to tweet, facebook, instagram, or text. As if that wasn't a big enough sign that the world was ending, I went to a bar and ordered cheesy bacon fries. When the waitress delivered them they were missing the bacon. We promptly (and hysterically) reported the gross oversight and she promised to bring us a plate of bacon.
But she never did.
And then it became clear.
The Bacon Apocalypse was upon us.
It's amazing I even have the strength to type this post, what with my body's lack of pig fat consumption. It's like I'm learning how to live all over again.
The point is, Just Jennifer is amazing times infinity and you should head on over to her blog to read about the Very Awesome Thing about me that she announces. It may or may not have something to do with my vagina.
(P.S. It has nothing to do with my vagina. Why would you even ask that? Honestly.)
When you're done reading that post, come back here to read the latest edition of the bizarro things people googled that led them to my blog.
Cat plan of world domination
We are so screwed, you guys.
Girls tiny boob falls out at swimming pool
Don’t worry, honey. No one noticed. Except that one kid with a video camera who is going to post your humiliation all over the internets.
Hi guys i show my boobs on the internet for likes meme
Silly girl. Everyone knows if you want likes you gotta show your “biscuit.”
Super girl boobs
I bet they’re full of super powers. I wish my boobs had super powers…other than hypnotizing the husband into doing anything I want. Not that that’s not totally awesome, it’s just that sometimes I wish they could shoot rockets at idiot drivers. I’d be a true super hero then. Not only would I be making my life easier, I’d be making the planet safer for everyone. Win!
everytime you eat bread it makes ryan gosling cry
Bahaha. I can’t even express how much I love this. And how much I love bread. And Ryan. This is a hard decision, but I think I love bread more.
dumb people and things going straight over their head
If I had a dollar…
head hurts all over
I’m sorry to hear you’re dying. Or having a panic attack.
hey mister wanna see my boobs
Uh…of course he does. Unless he’s a gay mister. But even then, he might like to see them, you know, for funsies.
husband sleeps 15 hours, awake 6 hours
I see the husband’s been googling himself again.
Guys, it is easier to lose an argument to your girlfriend, when you compare it to losing her forever
True. But the easiest thing of all is to just accept that you’ll never coming close to winning an argument so don’t waste your time trying.
Hey girl spiders
Unfortunately the spiders got to this googler before they got to finish their search. What they meant to type was: Hey girl spiders are freaking scary and will eat your face off.
my husband doesn't know i'm a prostitute
Well won’t he be happy when he finds out. I think you should wait for a very special occasion to tell him. Like your anniversary. “Happy 8 Years, Honey! You have herpes!”
I love that you have breasts
Thanks. I love that I have them too.
Eat, sleep, figure skate
What else is there to life?
Guys revving engine at stoplight
Are stupid, annoying and over-compensating
Shove your green card up your ass
Do I hafta?
I peed my pants poor grammar
It's to know that even after you've humiliated yourself you're concerned about grammar