We are soulmates. Best friends. From the very first exchange of shockingly white smiles in the black light of a tiny dorm room there seemed to be unspoken agreement that we were committed for the long haul.
So imagine my surprise when I learned the husband was back on the market. The match.com market. About a month ago, I discovered an email congratulating the husband on setting up his match.com profile.
I'll give you all a moment to let the shock settle in.
How could he do this? Don't the last ten years mean anything? I mean, I know I can be a total psychopath from time to time, but we made a vow! For better or worse, in sickness and health, til death do us...
insert sound of screeching record
I think I should back up a little. Yes it's true that "The Husband" signed up for match.com. But apparently there is another "The Husband" in the world and that "The Husband" is actually the one who signed up to meet women over the internets, not my "The Husband."
Confused? Me too.
About a month ago, the husband texted me the following: I just got an email from match.com welcoming me. Apparently I was born in 1962 and I am a man seeking a woman. I must take necessary safety precautions though because they do not do background checks.
Me: Well, at least you're not a woman seeking a man!
The husband: Or a man seeking a man!
The husband: Or a dog seeking a cat!
And then I laughed for 427 hours at the image of a dog creating a match.com profile in the hopes of finding a cat companion.
|"Seeking cat who has all of her nine lives left, is good at throwing tennis balls and ignores her name when called."|
I was dying to see who these women were and what this guy looked like. But the husband forbade me from signing in under this guy's profile. Every night we would lie in bed and review the day's emails from the interested single ladies. The husband would declare that he had to contact match.com to put an end this and I was all, "you should totally do that," but secretly, I hoped he never would because this was the most fun I'd had in, well, ever.
Positively dying to know what this guy looked like, I went on match.com but unfortunately you're not allowed to just troll for people like a creep without creating a profile. I was seriously tempted to create one just so I could find this guy, but then decided that was probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had.
Even though the husband and I were having the time of our lives with this whole thing (or at least I was) we felt bad for the poor guy who was probably wondering why not even one single lady was interested in having ring put on it.
|It's not as easy as it sounds, Beyonce.|