Wednesday, August 1, 2012

You Googled What? - The Here We Go Again Edition

I'm a day late with this post, but being late is one of the few things I'm good at so I try to be REALLY good at it.

Once again, it's time for the bizarre, the baffling and the downright mind-blowing Google searches that led people to my blog. Some of them are just too disgusting to include, but here are a few that won't have you asking for the brain bleach when finished. Hopefully.

not going to see my boobs
Well, fine. I didn’t want to see them anyway.

hey girl mondays ugh ryan gosling

E.L. James said her writing is crap
I couldn’t agree more. (For those of you who don’t know, E.L. James is the 50 Shades author)

how often do people get bitten in the penis by spiders
Umm... I have no idea. But I'm going to venture to say that once is too often and you should get thee to a doctor ASAP!
someone told me today i stink but no one else thinks i do
Newsflash. You totally stink. Everyone else is either too nice, too embarrassed or too gaggy to tell you the truth.

does anyone think 50 shades of grey is redundant
Funny you should ask... Fifty Shades of Oh Jeez and Other Redundancy
hubies pie building fire
Oh, totally. Couldn't agree more.

write bacon contest
Best. Contest. Ever.

ballerina monkey
This is the fifth highest all-time search that directs people to my blog. Is there some weird ballerina monkey club I'm not aware of? Because that would be awesome. But only if club activities involve watching monkeys do ballet. Not if you actually have to BE a monkey, who does ballet no less, to join. That would suck. Because I don't know ballet. Also? I'm not a monkey. Obviously.  

Honestly, I shouldn't have to explain these things.

On second thought, I hope no one is making monkeys do ballet. That just seems mean. And eventually someone's going to get their face ripped off. And everyone's going to blame the monkey, which is just ridiculous because THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE MONKEYS DO BALLET!

This is common sense, people.

Want more You Googled What? Check out the previous months. But before you do, make sure you read the Comment Gems!

You Googled What? - The Poor Grammar and Other Horrors Edition
You Googled What? - The Baffling As Ever Edition
You Googled What? - The "Um..." Edition
You Googled What? - The Bizarre and Not-So-Profound Edition
You Googled What? - Anal Probe Edition

Comment Gems:
Marianna Annadanna This made me smile. Which I needed. Thanks. Also, it's mine and Hubbys anniversary tomorrow apparently. 11 years together. We don't really count the wedding anniversary. Because I regret marrying him. Just kidding!

Ducky: I am stellar at bowling! My high score is 69 for the pins....heh....and 7 for the people. Yeah.... Don't ask. It was a tad embarrassing which I'm sure you're wondering how given my pin score is shameful enough. Nothing scatters folks like an airborne bowling ball!

Coffee Lovin' Mom: I challenge you to a bowling suck off when we meet again...


  1. I think those Ryan Gosling things are hilarious but I'm very proud to say I've NEVER seen one of his movies. Shut-ins for the win!

    1. You have GOT to watch Crazy Stupid Love. Seriously. Watch it. Like, now. In fact, I'm coming over to watch it too. I'll bring popcorn. And napkins. For the drool,I mean butter, of course.

  2. It's the universe giving you really weird writing prompts.

    1. Ha! I never thought about that before but it's an excellent idea!

  3. Ballerina Monkey had me cackling...which I've just learned is not an acceptable behavior at work. Thanks for that lesson. Your blog is so multidimensional!

  4. You should put links to the posts that these people were referred to with these searches. :) So newer readers (like me!) can easily find and read all these shenanigany (good word) posts. :)

  5. i'm so glad someone else has bowled a 7, except that was my only chance of making it into the guiness world record book. at least i was a child when i bowled that bad :)

  6. Monkeys in tutus, not as funny and happy a mental image as I thought it would be before I pictured it :( I'm forwning because I'm laughing though? Are people going to see this comment? I'm confused now.

  7. I'm also FROWNING beacause typos. And monkeys in tutus. Your blog makes me laugh!

  8. and now I have to go read your 50 Shades post. Holy crap, holy cow, holy this, holy that. It drove me crazy. I only read the first one and hated it.

  9. The most searched phrase that leads to my page is "Hamster that poops glitter". I've never heard of such a thing, but now I know what the people want.
    This edition of You Googled What? is awesome as usual.

  10. But what if the monkey has a PASSION for ballet? Surely you wouldn't take that away from him with your restrictive "monkeys hate ballet" stereotype?

  11. For some reason I found myself tightly crossing my less over the spider bite...and I don't have a penis! Yikes!

  12. I don't know....I find Mondays always get a bit of a pick me up when I look at my boobs. or maybe that is, I have to pick them up on Mondays? I don't know....oh look -- dancing monkey!

    Crazy, Stupid, agreed. everyone watch it Now.


I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.