Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Pretend This Is a Picture

On Monday, the husband and I celebrated seven years of wedded bliss.

We commemorated the non-itchy occasion by going to dinner. Then, in the tradition of seven year anniversaries, we went bowling.

What? That's totally a thing. One year is paper. Ten years is tin. Seven is bowling.

It is common knowledge that I am the world's worst bowler. Typically, I bowl my age. If I were seven.

When it comes to knocking down white pins with brightly colored balls, the husband does not sucketh. So it goes without saying that I never come close to beating him.

Until Monday. When I actually was beating him.

True story.

It was the sixth frame and I was kicking his ass. Knowing no one would believe this without proof, I grabbed my phone to take a picture. But it was dead because of course it was.

I yelled at the husband to give me his phone, but he just ignored me and took his turn where he knocked down, like, 37 pins at once. Which was both inspiring and confusing because I'm pretty sure there's only ten available pins, but math is hard, so whatever.

Had I taken a picture, this is what the screen would have looked like:



I didn't end up beating the husband, but I did bowl a 142. Or a 137.

Either way, that's, like, a whole lot more than my usual seven. I was all, "In you face, world! I am awesome and you should worship me!"

Then I bowled a 1 on the first frame of the third game. Which, naturally, I blamed on the fact that I had to pee. Then I bowled a gutter ball. And then another 1, which made the husband yell, "Go to the bathroom!"

After that, very bad things involving wayward balls and stubbornly upright pins happened and I consoled myself with a Brownie Bowl a.k.a. Bowl of Awesome.

It only stands to reason that two, young, healthy, finely-tuned athletic machines such as ourselves would experience excruciating back pain after only three games and hobble to the car. When we got home, we rubbed each other down with Bengay and got ready for sexytime.

Just kidding.

We didn't use Bengay. We used Bio Freeze, which I'm pretty sure is the exact same thing only less geriatric sounding.

In case anyone is curious, nothing spells sexytime like the smell of menthol between the sheets.

All in all, it was a fantastic anniversary. Definitely a very close second to our five year, in which we celebrated in the Turks & Caicos, sipping coladas on the beach and swimming with sea turtles.

Happy Anniversary, the husband! I love you more than words can describe.

P.S. Can you do me a solid and scratch my right shoulder blade? I've suddenly developed a fierce itch. Don't worry, I'm sure it's just a mosquito bite.

Probably.

P.P.S. Seriously, though. There's no one I'd rather spend my life with. *Smooches*

35 comments:

  1. Bowling's cool. I just can't do it - feel like my wrists are going to disconnect from my body and sail down the lane with the ball. Darn carpal tunnel.

    Well at least you didn't commemorate your wedded bliss like my parents: an anniversary trip to the dump. I kid you not. And they did it the following year too.

    I have threatened to tie them to the roof of my car and drop them off, bound and gagged, in the middle of a Chuck E. Cheese if they EVER do that again.

    Happy Anniversary!!!!

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  2. Congratulations on your anniversary!!! I think I'm the only person on earth who has actually gotten a gutter ball with the bumpers down. Yep, that takes a special kind of talent!!!

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  3. You never cease to amaze me. Sounds like you had a lot of fun.

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  4. Happy Anniversary!

    You are not the world's worst bowler. I could (at the very least) give you a run for your money. My problem is my thumbs - they are shorter and wider than the average thumb (I'm totally NOT making this up because my dad has the same thumbs and we are the ONLY two in our ENTIRE family with these whacked out thumbs). Anyway, my thumb won't fit into the thumb-hole for the size ball I *should* be using. So I have to use one that's nearly way to heavy so the thumb-hole is big enough. Otherwise, I'd be sliding down the lane with the ball towards the pins because my freaking thumb was freaking stuck. Or the ball would come back up and hit my square in the face. Seriously. I'm totally bowling-handicapped. (and no I don't bowl enough to warrant buying a ball and having the holes made to fit my pudgy little hands . . . I have thought about it though. lol)

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  5. This made me smile. Which I needed. Thanks. Also, it's mine and Hubbys anniversary tomorrow apparently. 11 years together. We don't really count the wedding anniversary. Because I regret marrying him. Just kidding!

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    1. Bahahahaha! This is quite possibly the best comment of all time.

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  6. mamawacks and hubbyJuly 25, 2012 at 10:12 PM

    Congratulations on your Anniversary! 23 years later and the celebrations ae just as exciting. Love him more every day and the years just fly by. Our love to you both and here's to many more (even if it's bowling).

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  7. Happy Anniversary!
    I love bowling. Did you go to one that has the banging 80's music and psychedelic light show?? Cause, that's an anniversary party right there. way better than some tropical island and fruity drinks beachside.
    at least, that's what I tell myself each year
    Glad you had some good menthol fun :)

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  8. Happy 7 years! My husband and I love to bowl but we rarely go. Of course we have so much fun when we do that we end up bowling too long and are hunched over the next day and not able to lift our bowling arms.
    Glad you guys had so much fun!!

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  9. awww ..this is adorable. Happy 7 years!

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  10. Happy Anniversary! I don't know how, but I stumpled upon the greatness that is your blog & your pretty awesome too. Holy hell you have me laughing so hard!

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  11. I absolutely suck at bowling as well, but I still love a good game every now and again. You have to be careful with Bengay type stuff and sexytime...had to google "how to get IcyHot off of sensitive parts" once. Just remember olive oil...life saver!

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  12. Sweet - but Dude! You broke 100! That's a serious lack of gutter balls.

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  13. One day I will learn that I shouldn't read your blog while alone in public places. I ALWAYS laugh out loud and get stared at and today was no different. I'm pretty certain the stares are saying "aw poor girl is trying to make us think she has friends by looking at her phone and laughing."

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  14. I challenge you to a bowling suck off when we meet again...also I must know about this brownie bowl please and thank you!

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    1. Picture this: a warm brownie, vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, whipped cream and...nuts? There may have been nuts.

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  15. I am stellar at bowling! My high score is 69 for the pins....heh....and 7 for the people. Yeah.... Don't ask. It was a tad embarrassing which I'm sure you're wondering how given my pin score is shameful enough. Nothing scatters folks like an airborne bowling ball!

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    1. Please elaborate. This sounds like a fascinating story.

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  16. Happy Anniversary! Bowling is definitely the official 7 year celebration! I read it on the internet and you know the internet is ALWAYS right!

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    1. Always. If it's on the internets you know it's true.

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  17. So since I just had my 30th anniversary a few months ago I felt compelled to look up the marking gift. It was pearl but more interesting then that, the site listed popular songs from 1982.

    YMCA by the Village People. We were happening peeps even then.

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    1. Congrats on your anniversary. Congrats, and thanks. I now have that song stuck in my head.

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  18. Happy Anniversary! Why is there never a camera to hand when these momentous occasions occur? (the score, NOT the bio-freeze, I don't need to see that) - Congrats on the almost-win! I haven't been bowling in ages (I suck anyway).

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  19. Aww, this is so cute! Now were you taking secret bowling lessons behind your husband's back? Hmm. Menthol between the sheets...d

    Happy Anniversary to you both!

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  20. Bowling sounds like a great date. I'm sure I would be unable to walk the next day.
    Happy anniversary

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  21. Happy Anniversary!!! We just celebrated our 10th and this time, we went to Grand Turk! It was one of the stops on our cruise, what did you think of the islands? Where did ya'll stay?

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    1. Thank you! We loved the Turks. I can't remember where we stayed but their was a reef right behind out hotel. We could swim right out to it and snorkel all day. So awesome! Congrats on your 10th!

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  22. Aww. I'm all teary-eyed and crap. Happy anniversary! I'd take bowling over a sun-filled beach vacation any day.

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  23. Came in on this late, but Happy Late Anniversary! New follower from PYHO and I've been going through older posts. Definitely have one of my new favorite blogs.

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  24. I'm pretty sure I got that mosquito bite too but mine was after seven months. Fast mosquito.

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