Well, I may have been a little harsh. Judged it a little unfairly.
That book sucks balls.
But that doesn't mean we can't learn something from it.
If you want to write a best seller, write about and/or allude to kinky sex. Your audience will be so sex starved and stupid to notice the crap that runneth betwixt the pages.
As true as that may be, that's not what I'm talking about. I've heard a lot of rumors about this book. Some I believe to be utter hogwash (in my mind, there is absolutely no connection to Twilight), but there is one I choose to belief. Perhaps some of you can confirm its veracity.
I've heard several times that E.L. James never claimed to be a writer. In fact, she wrote the books (or at least the first one) without the intention of it ever being read by another soul. In other words, she wrote for the pure joy of writing. She wrote a story she wanted to read.
Say what you want about her books (they sucketh), but you've got to admire a writer who writes for herself first and the market second.
Or you don't. Whatever, it's your call.
I've been bashing my head against the wall for weeks trying to figure out how a book like hers even gets published, but somewhere amidst all that bashing, a light bulb went off. Or maybe my brain just exploded and it was the ethereal white light beckoning me heavenward. Either way, I realized that in my effort to get published (hahaha!), in my effort to write the best book evah! (hahahahahahahaha!) I have become paralyzed. Paralyzed to write. Paralyzed to let go. Paralyzed to lose myself in the story.
I worry about what my editor would think. I worry about what readers would think. I worry about what people -people who will likely never read my book - will think. And I don't write. I'm so worried that I'll write crap that I don't write at all.
My blog is called For the Love of Writing, but truth be told, I have grown to hate writing. Every time I think about sitting down at my keyboard or bringing pen to paper, my face curls in disgust, my stomach turns and bile rises in my throat. I know I tend to have a flare for the dramatic, but I promise you guys I'm speaking the truth when I say the thought of writing literally makes me disgusted.
I am "friends" with a self-published writer on facebook and twitter. He has published more books in the last year than I could ever dream to in my lifetime. As I read an excerpt from his latest book I thought, "Wow, this guy must really love to write." It wasn't until then that it hit me how much I have grown to loathe writing.
And that makes me sad.
So, I came to a decision.
I am writing a book for me. Just for me. The plot is ridiculous. The characters are cliche. But I. Don't. Care. Because no one is ever going to see this book but me. I'm not worried about beautifully crafted sentences, or believability, or pacing, or character development or N-E-THING! I'm just writing. Heck, I may even insert a "throbbing manhood" just because I can.
My goal in doing this is to re-discover my love for writing. To rekindle a flame that has been doused by criticism and self-doubt.
I'm 3,600 words in and it's amazing what it's done for my writer's block. Every time I think I have nothing to write, I say "Write anything! Who cares! No one is going to read this but you!"
The story may end up to be pure, unadulterated crap. Or it may be the next bestseller (hahahhahaha, omg I think pee just came out). Either way, I'm writing. And right now, that's good enough for me.
Speaking of pure, unadulterated crap, not only did Fifty Shades inspire me to start writing again, it inspired the next new phenomenon in bloggy awards...
|Yes, that is grey sausage. Appetizing, isn't it?|
I still have a couple more bloggy awards to accept and pass on, but I thought I'd take a break from that and create my own.
Here are the rules of the award:
1. Accept the award with Fifty Shades of Excitement (aka post it on your blog whilst squealing and in general waking the neighbors with your shrieks of delight)
2. Be Awesome
3. Pass the award on to at least one other blogger you catch being Awesome Sausage.
People, I expect this award to infect the bloggy community like an STD from Mr. Grey himself.
I bet you're all dying to know who is going to receive this coveted award. You're probably about 50 Shades of Peeing Your Pants From Excitement right about now. Don't be ashamed; let it flow, because guess what? I have it on good authority that if you follow my blog you are AWESOME! So...every follower receives the 50 Shades of Awesome Sausage Award!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, I can feel your excitement from all the way over here. It's overwhelming. And inspiring. So inspiring, in fact, I just might make more awesome sausage awards.
*and the crowd goes wild*
And now for some awesome sausage comment gems:
Reinventingrobin: Mojoshmojo...You are a rutless coward. Ok maybe bot cowards, but I couldn't find a good word for a play on gutless. Sigh. It's less funny when I explain it. Regardless. Awesome funny post. Love!
I have no idea what half of this means and it made me feel a little drunk...I'm pretty sure that's the key to a good comment.
Jana: Quilting just looks like a good way to kill a case of wine and pass out in a heap of scrap fabric.
My sentiments exactly.
P.S. If the blog is full of typos or is more of a mess than it normally is, it's not my fault (of course not). Blogger is being an asshat right now. *sigh* The trials and tribulations of being a blogger.