Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It's Like Fight Club...But Not

 The A to Z Challenge is over! Yippee! I bet all of you who participated are breathing a sigh of relief. 
I am too. Except I'm not really, because I didn't get to finish. So instead of being the Sarcasm Goddess I'm more like the Sad Goddess.
But being sad sucks, so I decided to make up my own rules and continue the challenge where I left off. Which means you guys have to pretend it's still April and I'm right on track. And you have to keep commenting and cheering wildly when I finish.

According to where I left off, today is "P" day. Today's story is one for the children, specifically gullible little girls. So go get your kids, settle in and listen to a tale from your Auntie SG.

I have always wanted to be one of the cool kids.

Okay, that's not actually true. But if I had to choose between belonging and being a total outcast, I'd go with belonging. Unless, of course, being an outcast involved shaking it like a Polaroid picture. Then I'd totally be an outcast. But still, shaking it is always more fun when others are shaking it too.

Ah, dilemmas.

When I was a wee lass, a group of boys came up to me and asked me if I wanted to be in their club. Their Pen Fifteen Club.
I had no idea what a Pen Fifteen Club was, but I was so excited! Had I been invited to be a part of clubs more often I would have known to ask questions. Like, what kind of club is this? What do you do? Where are the other girls? Is there an initiation process? Am I going to end up crying?

But no. I squealed, "YES!" and started hopping around the room like a bunny on crack.

Finally, one of them grabbed my arm.

Me: What are you doing?

Him: Making you a part of the club

Me: Yippee!!!

I waited with excited anticipation while he wrote this:


But it didn't matter what I wanted. I already had penis on my arm, and once you've had penis on your arm you can never not have penis on your arm. That's how life works.

So gather 'round little girls and listen to your Auntie SG very closely. One day a group of boys is going to approach you and ask you to join the Pen Fifteen Club. They may have cookies. They may even have bacon. They may be cute with dimples. They may promise you fame and fortune. But it's all a lie. Turn and run away!

If you learn nothing else from me, learn this: The Number One Rule of the Pen Fifteen Club is Don't Join the Pen Fifteen Club!

And now...the best part of every post: Comment Gems!

Meredith: It is amazing the things that people will search for. One time I was Googling "is it okay to shower during a thunderstorm" and I got search results for "is it okay to put a centipede in my vagina".

A Daft Scots Lass: I detest the new interface. It sucks balls!


32 comments:

  1. that's horrible... boys are terrible!

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  2. Oh dear! I'm going to pretend that this happened to you in the winter and you had long sleeves to cover it up. Don't worry, you live in the internet so I can make up your life story to suit my mental needs.

    Also, thank you for telling this story so all unsuspecting little girls can be aware. Maybe we can can talk to the D.A.R.E. people about adding your story to their school talks. I think it would fit in nicely with stories about drug use.

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  3. Yes, Ten more days of April. Since I planned to start my diet in May, I won't start until you finish the Challenge! Thank you, Sarcasm Goddess. Wings for dinner!!

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  4. Ahhh yes, the Pen15 club. I was asked to join but thankfully they had asked my best friend to join first so I had seen the writing on the wall, or the arm if you will.

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  5. Here I thought I had seen it all. That one is a new one on me. Of course growing up in the sticks of KY most of us girls were meaner then the boys, perhaps they liked their pen 15 where it was attached. Cause had they pulled that on us it wouldn't have been long.

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  6. Hey, at least you're finishing now! The story in this post...that had to be terrible! Kids can be so cruel. Not that I was ever mean, oh no...not a day in my life LOL.

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  7. Hahhahah pen 15 club. I have experienced that. Thanks, older sister.

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  8. You're lucky it was just on your arm. If i remember correctly, young boys spend quite a bit of their time looking for someplace to put their pen 15's. :)

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  9. I am totally NOT sharing this story with my kids! They will totally want to do it :P This really made me laugh!

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  10. New to me. I hope I never have to explain to my (now) 6.5yo that this is not a nice thing to do to girls. :-/

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  11. That was f'ing hilarious! Can I say f'ing on your blog? You said penis, so I'm guessing I can. Either way...that was f'ing hilarious. =)

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  12. Hilarious! My daughter was offended at her Family Life class in 5th grade a couple weeks ago because they forced all the girls to read a passage with the word "penis" in it to get them used to saying the word. But why would they need to??? I may tell her this story :)

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  13. I had never heard of this before, but if they're offering bacon, I'm totally in!

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  14. ok. i'm totally doing this to my kids. it's ok to sharpie on a 4 year old, right?

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  15. Nowadays you would prolly just initiate the bastardly boys in the "Sock in the eye" club.

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  16. I have all boys - surely they couldn't be so cruel, but ha-ha. Oops I probably shouldn't laugh at your misfortune should I????

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  17. Funny... I am so gullible it would have worked on me. Even though I wouldn't have been wearing that cute little dress. It would have been shorts, tomboy that I was. But gullible.

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  18. OMG--that's right...once you get PENIS on your arm, it really doesn't come off!!!!! I am filing this one under important notes to self...LOVE IT!

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  19. Oh no! You poor thing! Booo to those boys and I will remember this sage advice. :)

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  20. wow, how mean. that's so much worse than a "hurts donut".
    I swear I still have lingering bruises on my arms.

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  21. You know those boys all totally had crushes on you. That's what I would tell myself in a similar situation. Great post!

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  22. You made a funny, cheerful, uplifting post out of a creepy bummer of an incident; how did you do that?! Oh well, it's like eating something divine in a restaurant; I'm just going to enjoy it and not worry about how the chef put it together. Cheers!

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  23. See?? That is what you bring to the table-----funny in the face of utter crap. Loved this piece. Get on the other grid, won't ya? I want to vote "Hellz Yes!" for this! Erin

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  24. That is classic. I've never heard of that. I think those boys actually made it up on their own! They're geniuses. Evil geniuses, true, but still. Do you know what they're up to now? Is one of them Mark Zuckerberg?

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  25. Never heard of that one. That sucks. At least it's not a pen15 tattoo, I guess?

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  26. I cannot write on command. I'd rebel. Might get to B. I didn't harass girls till I was 18.

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  27. Haha, boys are so horrible! Next time someone asks me to be in a club I'll be sure to ask questions...

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  28. I usd to do things like that, but i was much kinder. I would say "hey, sg, can I write something on your arm?" The I would write "sg's arm" on your arm.

    Of course, I am also not a boy. Just a goofball.

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  29. Sweet Jebus that's funny.
    Beware coworkers! Monday you're all going to be asked to join a new club!

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  30. You should have really taught them a lesson and become president of the club. Then you could have issued your master stroke on unsuspecting boys' arms.

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