Sunday, April 1, 2012

I'm a Fool. Are You?

Today is April Fool's Day and in an effort to be the biggest fool of all I decided to participate in the A to Z Blogging Challenge. I wasn't going to participate because blogging every day would require me to stop shoveling food in my face long enough to bang out some crappy sentences and call it a post.  But then I thought, you know what I haven't done in awhile? Fail miserably at something.

So, here we go. This is my pathetic embarrassing awesome attempt at blogging every day (except for all Sundays but this one) as I go down the alphabet.

I know you guys are peeing yourselves with excitement at the thought of reading my mind vomit Every. Single. Day. But don't get too comfortable with your box of wine, tub of bacon and leopard-print Snuggie. If I'm expected to be here every day, so are you. And by that I mean, comment.  That's right.  I expect all of you to comment every single day on every single post, no matter how craptastic it is. I know that sounds incredibly demanding, but you guys should know by now that I'm redonkulously needy and attention-whorey. But only on the interwebs. If you pay attention to me in real life, I'll run away and hide behind a table.

Are those flaming batons? I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. But there's no need to set your hair on fire.

For serious though, I love your comments more than bacon, so YOU BETTER KEEP THE 'EM COMING!

Please?

I thought long and hard...

It's nice to see I'm remaining true to myself and not approaching this challenge with decorum and maturity.
As I was saying before that outburst, I thought long and hard about what I would write about for the first day of the challenge.  I created a list of possible topics, but found reasons for rejecting each one of them:

A is for...
Anxiety - This was way too obvious.
Anal Bleaching - The only thing I really have to say about this is why?! WHY! Would anyone do this? How much time are you spending examining your anus that you determined it needs to be whiter?
 Ants - Um, they're hard workers and they can carry heavy things? Oh, and you shouldn't stand in a pile of them. It really pisses them off.
ACHOO!  - Ew, cover your nose when you sneeze. Also, maybe go to a doctor. You sound terrible.
Appl- Can we go back to anal bleaching for a sec.? Does anyone know if white is the only color they offer? Can you dye it purple or blue or maybe aquamarine? I'm asking for a friend, of course.

Finally I decided on April Fools, not only because I love acting like a fool but because if I end up failing this challenge I can be all, "April Fools! I wasn't really participating! Haha!"

In case anyone is wondering, I'm number 1552 on the challenge (update: as of right this moment. when I first posted this I was 1553. the number doesn't really matter, I suppose. you're here, and that's what counts :)) Come visit me! 
Wait... if you're reading this, I guess you already are.

I already suck at this. 

P.S. Let me know if you're participating in the challenge so I can visit you and find out what a real post is supposed to look like. 

P.P.S. My bloggy friend, Ellen, has a dream of going to space.  And we can help send her there! Won't you please vote for her and make her dream come true?

Help send a blogger to space!

Click here to vote 10x daily!

Quote of the Day:
Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals.
~Don DeLillo

Word of the Day:
avarice: an excessive desire of gain; greediness.




32 comments:

  1. Hahahhaa very nice first post. Oh anal bleaching...like seriously, how picky can someone be? "Sorry babe, I'm not attracted to you unless you consider anal bleaching."

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  2. A) Avarice is a superb word
    B) I already had to pee; now, more
    C) Way to go on your first post!
    D) I love your drawing of you "long and hard"

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  3. Visiting from the A-Z challenge. <3 sarcasm and humor! You had me at anal bleaching. Not really. Eww. I had to read it twice because at first I thought it read anal belching. Which, granted is not much better! HA! Fun post, I'll be back!

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  4. The blogoverse is peopled by fools such as we are. Hugely entertaining bodily humour Sarcasm Goddess. Keep it up and we'll all be in nappies (or diapers).

    Denise

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  5. I love this, you gave us six A's - that's gotta be good value, right :-)

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  6. Nice job! I look forward to B. Will it be "Boogers"?

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  7. Good for you for doing this challenge. When I first started blogging I wrote everyday. It was exhausting.
    I will read.

    I especially love the character peeing and jumping.
    Yes.

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  8. I can't wait for the craptasticness..seriously, you are going to take the serious out of it and make it fun. Why wouldn't I be here every day? :)

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  9. "Rut Roh".... bwah ha ha ha HAAAA! TOO much fun, as always, SC. Count me in for a month of craptastic. I think craptastic will be my new word of the week.

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  10. I can't commit to that kind of posting, but if you keep drawing posts like this I will come back every day! Anal bleaching, the cool kids are doing it. Don't forget to wax first.

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  11. My question is: Who was the jerk that came up with the idea of anal bleaching? I mean, what was he thinking? And I know it had to be a he.

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  12. I, too, am visiting from the A to Z challenge! Great writing style, no sarcasm about that. I think I could learn a thing or two from you so I'm glad to be following your blog. And my first post was A is for Advice so I welcome any advice from the Sarcasm Goddess!

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  13. I started at the bottom of the list instead of the top. Long and hard? That's what she said.
    Have fun and good luck (my husband said I should do Boobs for the letter B) I am undecided.

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  14. I could totally post every day, no problemo, but with each letter of the alphabet? TOO MUCH PRESSURE! I'm going to go take a Klonopin and lay down.

    And for tomorrow, I suggest bunions. Take it or leave it; whatever. It's just a suggestion.

    ~The G is Silent

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    Replies
    1. I will give this suggestion serious consideration.

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  15. Anal bleaching....wth??? Who wants to get that close to see if it's bleached???? Sometimes I wonder!

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  16. Thanks so much for visiting my blog! This post is hilarious, I can't wait to see your future posts (and the inner debates you have with yourself about what to write for them lol!!). Good luck with the challenge, I'm looking forward to keeping up with your blog :)

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  17. I AM so excited there will be a Sarcasm Goddess blog post EVERY DAY this month! It's the best birthday present you could have given me! (By the way, my bday is the 16th. Not that you should mention it in your post that day or anything.)

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  18. And I thought American Psycho was morbid! Anal bleaching is much more disturbing. I really can't wait to see what future societies have to say about that one.

    And good call about April Fool's! Might have to use that trick if things go south...

    Still, good luck! Looks like you're off to a great start!

    Cheers! From M of Feed Me A Stray Cat!

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  19. Good luck on doing this challenge. I'll be sure to check in every day and leave a comment. That'll be my challenge. Love your drawings. :)

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  20. I am, I am a fool. And not ashamed to admit it! I like your style. Hope to see more of you.

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  21. This was hilarious...and scary. Someone must have had way too much time on their hands for them to come up with bleaching back there. Or maybe they were kin to that creepy Marquis guy.

    Enjoy the A-Z Challenge and have a great day!

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  22. Great post! Looking forward to following you through April. Every single day of bloggy goodness!

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  23. Wait. So are you really blogging every day or is this an April Fool's joke? If I come back here tomorrow and there's no new post I'll kick your ass a little. But only after you bleach it aquamarine.

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  24. Hey, I'm visiting from the A to Z challenge.
    Pleased to declare I am bleach free!

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  25. I didn't even know about this challenge until today. It's a great idea to start on April Fool's Day just in case. But I know you'll be able to do it.

    (What happens if you start late? Do you still start with A or just skip the letters you missed?)

    Love the new header, BTW.

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  26. Now, I want to start a band called Aquamarine Anus. We would cover Elvis Presley's "Now and Then There's a Fool Such As I" in your honor. :)

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  27. Anal Bleaching - I don't even want to think about that!

    Visiting from the A to Z challenge!

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  28. Once again, I have never in life thought about anal bleaching until I came to this blog. I love how you educate me.

    And leave me alone with my flaming batons. As it so happens, I like my hair to be toasty and a little singed. It's how I get rid of my split ends.

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  29. So is THAT how the porn stars get such nice looking...er...um... well yes. I've seen pictures. I won't lie. I've always wondered how they can take so much...uh...action...and still look like that.

    Wow...tmi

    You should've stuck to anxiety.

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  30. Seriously just had a conversation with my little brother about anal bleaching about 2 or 3 weeks ago! Up until that point I don't think I'd ever thought about it before! (My siblings and I don't "normally" discuss such topics but some friends said that they heard all the gay guys bleach their stink-star. Since my brother is gay and LOVES to debunk all the suburban stereotypes about gays it became a text message conversation. Which he then decided to post upon the Facebook. Gah!)

    Much looking forward to reading your future posts everyday!!!

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I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.