Many of you know I have a hate/hate relationship with Facebook, in that I hate it. And also? I hate it.
As recent commenter, Klahanie said, Facebook, everyone's favourite social 'notworking' site where my 'friends' can keep up with my 'vital to their lives' profile updates.
Ahhh, sarcasm. You complete me.
I really couldn't agree more. That being said, my blog now has it's own facebook page! Go like it, wouldja?
I held out on having my own (personal) FB page for the longest time because I just didn't get it. But when my friends no longer talked to me in real life, I finally broke down and got my own page. And let me just say, "Wow, what a rewarding experience it's a been." For the most part, the only real-life friends who give a shit about my updates are the ones I actually talk to in real life. The rest of my "friends" wouldn't comment if I posted the status: An intruder is in my home and said he will kill me if ten people don't comment on my status and 14 of them don't 'like' this.
Crickets, is what I'd get. Crickets!
(Unless, of course, you are one of my bloggy friends, who is also one of my FB friends. Then you care way more about what happens to me in real life than most of my IRL friends. I believe that's what they call irony. Or not. Whatever.)
Almost a year ago, my amazing friend T (who is amazing in real life and on FB) created a FB page for my blog which I did absolutely nothing with because I was all, "how many places can I expect people to worship me?"
Apparently? A lot. Because just this week I got my page up and running and I think I speak for the 29 people who already like it when I say we are having THE BEST time.
And you can too, if you go 'like' it. Hint, hint. Like my page!
Don't worry, I won't bore you with inane comments like, "Just put on deodorant." For the most part I tell you how amazing you are and post pictures of Ryan Gosling...
In honor of "F" day, I'm going to cheat a little and re-post the post I wrote the night I was trying to create my personal FB page a year ago. Some of you may have read this before, but I think it's worth a second read.
This Was a Bad Idea
Well I done did it. I have my own facebook page. And IT DID NOT GO WELL!
That shouting right there? That's just to give you a taste of what went on in my house during the facebook setup process.
There was much screaming. And shouting. And yelling. And all the other synonyms of screaming and shouting and yelling. And cursing. Much cursing. And throwing of knives. It was a mess ya'll. A big freaking disaster.
But honestly? Did we expect anything else?
I'm pretty sure having my own facebook page will be the thing that finally puts me in the loony bin. Or jail. Or gets me pregnant. I don't know. I'm still not sure how facebook works.
Apparently, though, security is very important to them. I didn't realize I was applying for a top secret government job. Seriously, it's ridic. I kept waiting for the knock at the door from two men in black asking me to pee in a cup.
It sounds simple, right? Email. Password. Viola! Facebook page.
Why? Well, I couldn't use my email address because it was already in use by the husband's second facebook page. Remember the one? He set it up to communicate with his flag football team, but couldn't use his email account because that was already in use by his other facebook page, which he does nothing with.
So, I created another email account. And everything was going well. Setting up my profile. Uploading my profile pic. Adding friends. And then facebook freaks out and tells me I have to verify my account with my phone number. Which I don't want to do. Because as much as facebook is all fingerprints-background-test-drug-screening-four-references-please, I've heard they're not very good with protecting your information once it's out there.
But there seemed to be no way around it. So I entered my cell phone hit "next" and was prompted to enter my code. Uh, what code? Are the men in black supposed to delivery it to me? So I clicked the "I did not receive a code link" and it took me back to the screen to enter my phone number, which I did again and finally got a clue. Ohhhh, I will get a code texted to my phone.
Tried again. And again. And again. Commenced mass screaming and cursing.
The husband: Maybe I used your cell phone to set up the second account.
The husband: You can just delete that account entirely.
My celebration was premature.
Do you have any idea what is involved in deleting your facebook account? Not just de-activating, but deleting. As in gone forever.
It goes something like this: I see you want to delete your facebook account. If you do, 100 baby seals will be clubbed. Are you sure you want 100 baby seals to be clubbed?
Uh, no. I just want to delete my facebook page.
We're sorry, but the only way to delete your facebook page is to club 100 baby seals. It's THE ONLY WAY.
Fine, club 100 baby seals. Whatever. Just get rid of my page.
Congratulations. You no longer have a facebook page. And the blood of 100 baby seals is on your hands. Should you choose to, you have 14 days to reactivate your page. But the baby seals will still be dead.
I'm sure you know what I'm going to say next. Deleting the husband's superfluous page and killing baby seals didn't allow me to have a text sent to my cell phone. Therefore, no facebook page for me. Bring on more cursing and yelling and WHAT THE HELL! PEOPLE'S GRANDMOTHERS HAVE SET UP A FACEBOOK PAGE!! WHY CAN'T I?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. JUST NEVER HAVE A FACEBOOK PAGE? AND IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN CALL THE HELPLINE. IT'S F*CKIN FACEBOOK!! THEY DON'T HAVE PEOPLE JUST SITTING AROUND FOR TECHNOLOGICALLY INEPT ASSHOLES TO CALL UP AND SAY UH EXCUSE ME, BUT HOW DO I GET ONE OF THEM FACEBOOK PAGE THINGIES!! BECAUSE IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HARD. EMAIL. PASSWORD. DONE!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGG! I NEED TO STAB SOMETHING!
Guess who was on the other end of the yelling? The husband. He tried to be a doll and help.
The husband: Look, they have instructions for verifying your account if you don't have a phone.
Me: Yeah, scan in your driver's license. Okay, sure facebook. While I'm at it why not just give you my social security number and my bank account number and my address and a key to my house so you and your 49 billion friends can come rape and pillage me in the middle of the night.
I took the computer back from the husband and reactivated the account I deleted and received the following message from facebook.
Welcome back! We knew you couldn't stay away. And because we knew you'd be back, we held off killing the baby seals...Kidding! They're totally dead.
I rooted around on the husband's page to see if my cell number was listed somewhere. But it wasn't. I tried to change the name of the husband's page to my page. But it wouldn't change. Time to delete his page again.
I see you want to delete your facebook account. If you do, 100 baby seals...
Yeah, yeah. Club 'em.
Me: I'M SO PISSED OFF I'M GOING TO THROW THIS COMPUTER!!
The husband: Don't you dare!
He says it all harsh and menacing like, because he knows it's a very good possibility I will throw it. Like that time in college when he got a better grade on a test than I did and I threw his $90 calculator cuz I was hella pissed.
Me: CURSE CURSE CURSE STAB STAB STAB Oh, look, I have a facebook page.
The husband: I guess if you bang around on the keys long enough you'll have your own page.
And that is how I joined the facebook world. Also? NASA just announced there is a giant asteroid headed for earth big enough to wipe out civilization. I don't have any proof, but I'm pretty sure the two are related.
I really appreciate all of you who stuck it out with me through yesterday's crap-errific post.
Comment gems from yesterday: ALL OF THEM.
Seriously, if you commented on that crap, you deserve a damn medal. Or at least a cookie.
Here are snippets from each one:
Gia: hahahha...stream on consciousy. Nothing to be embarrassed about!
Paul:While sharing chocolate covered flies, I often wonder to myself, which famous fascists preferred females with freckles with whom to engage in their fornication?
Jacqui: I love how you added my lack of knowledge about currency to your post...that's not too Embarrassing.
Justin: Clearly F is for Flava - who else could write "Flava flav the flav of all of flavors. Onion and garlic french fried potatas."
TriGirl: You know what's funny? In your blog roll there are other people doing the challenge too...so their E posts are right there :P What's that? That's not funny? Oh. Well, I blame it on my illness...I happened to enjoy this post.
Elise Fallson: Excruciating. That's an E word, which your post was not!
MamaMash: Ok, for real though, every single time I see bacon, I think of you. For what it's worth.
The Writer, Rinser, Repeater: I once saw a chicken running around beneath my feet and then my head as I rode a carny ride.
Coffee Lovin' Mom: You are brilliant and funny no matter what you write.
Jennifer A. Hall: I think you are far cleverer than you let on!
ClassicNYer: Actually, as soon as I saw how pretty and shiny your hair was, all the rest was forgiven.
Chemgirljaime: This is why I love reading your shit.. cuz even when it's shit, it's still funny.
Kate Ground: Awesome! I was " enthralled "
Alison @ Mama Wants This: Enter the Extraordinary, Excellent, Ever-Entertaining Sarcasm Goddess!
Quote of the Day:
Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.
Word of the Day: