I kept waiting for an epiphany of genius, but sadly it never came, so this is what you guys are gonna get. And I'm not even sure what that is yet.
So since I'm an ego-maniacal ego maniac with a big ego, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to ramble on for about 4,000 words of absolutely nothing and you guys are going to ooh and ahh and tell me I'm funny and brilliant and the best writer Evah! And if you really can't do that because this is so egregious you may comment on how pretty and shiny my hair is.
(P.S. If you're new here, you're probably gonna wanna skip this post and go read, well any one of my other posts is probably going to be better than this. But the rest of you, stay right where you are!)
Are you overcome with egritude yet?
Here, have some egriot:
Maybe I should blog about how delicious elephant ears are.
I can't even remember the last time I had the doughy sugary goodness of an elephant ear. I don't go to fairs. The animals in the livestock tent are always foaming at the mouth and look downright miserable and the husband has to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't set them all free. And the rides? No. I do not go on those.
Any ride that can be folded up, packed in a box and wheeled from town to town isn't exactly considered safe in my book. Also, have you seen the toothless, tobacco spittin, dirty-fingernailed, prostitute-lovin' gentlemen who put those things together? (Forgive me. That was a totally unfair generalization of carnies. I'm sure some of them have teeth.) I don't think quality control ranks high on their list of priorities. If I had to guess, I'd say it falls somewhere below butt scratchin' but definitely above hand washing.
I'm just waiting for the day one of those rides come crashing down because the bolt or the lug or the nut or the screw or the whatever it is that holds the whole thing together has gotten lodged in an unfortunate place and extricating it from Candy the Crack Whore is going to cost an additional $25. And let's face it, how many ride-putter-together people have an extra 25 bucks lying around? I mean, besides the 25 they shelled out for some late night companionship behind the taco/gyro/turkey leg wagon.
Am I right?
OH MAH GAH. What the hell did I just write? This, boys and girls, is exactly why we never blog without a plan.
You wanna know the truth? I know exactly what E word I should be blogging about. In fact, I know exactly what E word I should be doing.
EDITING. As in mah novel.
That's right. Shameless book plug in
BOOM! I wrote a book. I am currently on the fourth edit and am working with my editor to iron out all the kinks. It's going smashingly but...there is one rather large kink that I'm not sure what to do about. And I'd really like to tell you about it and get your thoughts and infallible wisdom. But not today. Because truthfully, I think you're all too distracted thinking about Candy the Crack Whore and the missing lug nut to give me your full attention.
But one day soon, we'll get down and dirty with this thing. So prepare yourselves. It's going to be epic.
(Please come back tomorrow. I promise tomorrow won't suck.)
And now for something that doesn't suck, here are some comment gems (emeralds, to be exact) from yesterday:
Jacqui: I love your pee cheer! Awesome! Speaking of being not-so-smart, top this: my niece asked me whose picture was on the ten dollar bill yesterday. And I didn't know the answer! I knew the one, five, twenty, etc. I knew the coins too. But not the ten. How is that even possible??
Don't feel bad Jacqui. I bet 90% of Americans don't know the answer to that question. Hey, why don't we find out for sure! Hurry, everyone go take my poll on the side bar. And no cheating! Remember, cheaters never prosper.
Ducky: I peed on the floor once but it was to prove a point. :)
Jim: son of a . . . I owe you a million dollars now?? But I already knew what a chevron was! hehe. . . you said "rectify" when talking about anal bleaching.
KimP: First of all, I got stuck in MAJOR traffic right after the exit with the gas station and eventually I had to make the decision to just pee. Go ahead Kim, pee in the car. Do you know my body fought me for like 30 seconds. It was so confusing.
Quote of the Day:
Whether or not you write well, write bravely.
Word of the Day:
ephebe: a young man