Thursday, March 29, 2012

You Googled What? - The Bizarre and Not-So-Profound Edition

I think Google may be the greatest insight into the character of our society.  Which is a scary, scary thing.

However, it does make for an interesting blog post.

I give you this month's edition of...things people googled that led them to my blog.

Asshole trophy
For that special asshole in you life.  Aww.

No ho's allowed
Why you gotta hate?  Hos are your friends.  

But they're also your enemies too. And you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Hos don't act right.  And they always have runs in their pantyhose.  

Man that Ludacris sure knows a lot.

I retract my earlier statement and agree with the googler. No hos allowed!

Idiot can love
Well of course they can. Idiots are people too.  Unfortunately.

Wed MD lump elbow
It's comforting to know I'm not the only one to turn to Web MD to diagnose the mysterious and most-likely deadly lumpy elbow.

Seriously though, that sounds dangerous.  You should probably go to a doctor.

Dancing Penguin Interview
Does the penguin dance while giving the interview?  I hope so, cuz otherwise it's just a regular interview about a penguin who dances.  And there's nothing special about that.     

Forget what I said in the title about the searches not being profound.  These next two are brilliant.

All the bacon
Best search ever.

Let's Get Crazy Bacon Pictures
Yesssssss!

Thong Poop
Alright.  Who let the sickos use the internet?        

Pissed off UPS Man
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your next package?  Is going to be a bomb.  

Mastirbating [sic] hippos
That's it.  All perverts report to the gymnasium and hand in your internet cards.  Your googling privileges have been revoked.  

Always think I'm dying
I feel your pain. Literally.  I'm always dying too, even though WebMD says I'm just having a panic attack.  But honestly, what do they know?  I've heard they're not even a real doctor.  

Quote of the Day:
I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about. 
~Oscar Wilde

Word of the Day:
  pablum: something (as writing or speech) that is trite, insipid, or simplistic

33 comments:

  1. i wonder about some of these. My blog was once found by searching David Bowie pants.

    I have never written about David Bowie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Google just likes to screw with us sometimes.

      Delete
  2. It always shocks me to see how people get to my blog. Sometimes...it scares me. You'd be amazed at how many people Google stuff about their husband wearing panties. *mine doesn't for the record*

    ReplyDelete
  3. Glad I'm not the only one who gets wacky searches leading to their blog. Maybe Mastirbating Hippos is a band name? We can hope, right? ;p

    I posted about this on my blog a while ago, too. Fun, funny stuff!

    ~Tui

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love checking my stats! But sometimes I get scurred. People search for some really sick stuff.

      Delete
  4. Every so often I get some head-scratchers too... I still don't know where people ended up with:
    he is very attached to his sister
    • "high level of smarts " definition
    somalinomadic shelter
    historical romance to be hung marries her instead
    old mature incest

    ... ah... the Wisdom of the Google.
    :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. Google IS awesome, even if its users can't make a ho plural correctly (but you did, and I love you for it). I get variations of "big nose" and "slutty grandma" in Google searches for my blog every. single. day. If they ever get together with your masturbating-hippo lovers, the world may very well explode.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's nothing worse than an improperly plural ho. Except maybe when the slutty grandma and the masturbating hippo get together. Gah.

      Delete
  6. I am somehow always stunned at the gross things people will look up on the internet. YOU CANNOT UNSEE THIS.

    As to why they end up with your site? Just lucky, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, no you cannot unsee it. There are days I really, really wish I could.

      Lucky, indeed.

      Delete
  7. I love you 500 times more now that you sang a little ludda!
    You's a HO.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why thank you. It takes a ho to know a ho. I love you, ho!

      Delete
  8. I thought pablum was that rice food that you fed to babies as a transition from breast milk to real food.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mine said morbid sex kitten. I shit you not. Sounds like a punk band.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So dang funny. But it makes me try to picture the people who typed in those search terms, which is...eww.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! I have images of some very weird sickos in my head.

      Delete
  11. I LOVE your searches! Why don't I get crazy ones like that? Oh yeah, we don't write about the same things. But we're so much alike in other ways.... So funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't say for certain, but I'm pretty freaking certain I've never written about masturbating hippos. The hell?!

      Delete
  12. I love poking around through the searches! The best one this week was "naked bushy women"...., uh wow

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love looking at the google searches...they're only occasionally very disturbing, but usually fairly mild. Apparently 'wetsuit wedgies' are all the rage, though.

    I tagged you on my post today :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. You know, I've never thought about masturbating hippos in life. Ever. Until now. This is why I read blogs. To broaden my scope and world vision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once you think about masturbating hippos, you can't unthink about them. Congratulations. Your life just got a whole lot more disturbing. Or better. It's about perspective, really.

      Delete
  15. Dancing Penguin Interview and Always Think I'm Dying make me laugh so hard. I think I'm going to need to do a post like this because the shit that leads weirdos to me is MESSED UP.

    I bet so many people are disappointed in not finding the Dancing Penguin Interview - you should post one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent idea. I did post a picture of dancing penguin once. But I didn't interview him. I hate it when I miss a good opportunity.

      Delete
  16. Every time I read one of these I go and check mine. Nope, still nothing interesting :-(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. Maybe you should write about masturbating hippos? Or no. I'd go with not.

      Delete

I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.