It's from a movie. I won't tell you which one in case some of you want to see it. However, I should warn you, there's a scene where someone's head ends up in a box. I haven't seen it because movies like that sound traumatic. And I have enough traumatic scenarios going on in my head without the help of Brad Pitt, however
Also, it's entirely possible it wasn't Brad Pitt's wife's character who met an unfortunate demise. I don't know. I haven't seen the movie. Didn't we already cover this?
"What's in the box?" is the question many of you asked yesterday even though I'm pretty sure I already told you. It's a bomb.
I'm mildly concerned by how many of you refused to accept this answer (although incredibly proud of how many of you freak out when someone comes to your door). Bombs aren't a joke, people. They kill. And you should take them seriously.
Even the husband, who looked at me like I was a lunatic when I told him about the bomb, believes there's a bomb in the boxes. Why else would they still be unopened?
Don't believe me? Here's a picture.
Every day he's like, "I'm getting those boxes out of here."
And every day, for three weeks, they've stayed put. Cuz he's scurred.
He claims those boxes, and their contents, are for his clients, but if his clients are going to start having bombs delivered to our house, he needs to get some new ones.
I can't tell if this whole thing is better or worse than the time someone mailed us Anthrax. True story.
One day I got a package in the mail addressed to me. It wasn't large enough to contain shoes, so I was immediately suspicious. And then I looked at the return address label.
Me: Do we know anyone in Fairfield, Ohio?
The husband: No.
Me: OMG! Do you think someone mailed us anthrax?
The husband: That'd be the biggest waste of anthrax ever.
Many of you also told me the shoe fairy hasn't visited you either. Which is an outrage. Because I have it on good authority that all of you are very deserving shoe whores. I bet she's keeping all the shoes for herself. Bitch.
And now, someone who's NOT a bitch...
I've been tagged by Ado of the Momalog to answer some questions. She's awesome sausage and you should read her blog.
If you met your favorite movie star and could say whatever you wanted to him or her in 140 characters or less, what would it be? (And who is the movie star?)
Hey Marky Mark. Remember when you used to take pictures of yourself in your underwear? Me too. You should do that again.
The movie star is Mark Walhberg. Obviously.
What’s your dream?
Well last night I dreamt about buying wine and cannolis. I also dreamt someone broke into our house and tried to kill us. So I guess if I ever gave a "I have a dream speech" it would go something like "I have a dream I will one day live a world where people don't try to kill me and I have an endless supply of wine and cannolis."
Ever had a scary parenting moment?
Yes, the time I read the pregnancy test wrong. Two lines = pregnant, not one! I think. Maybe it's the other way around. Pregnancy tests are hard.
Something besides your children that you are proud of.
Woah woah woah. I have children? Someone should probably feed them, or something.
What’s your favorite book? Why?
The one I'm writing. Shameless book plug! Boom!
What’s in your fridge?
Not bacon. Which is a freaking tragedy.
Do you make your bed every day? Is this a trick question?
Do your kids make theirs? Why/why not? My kids are still in the egg and sperm stage. I'm guessing that's probably why they don't make their beds.
What’s your best kid’s riddle or joke?
The one where I say to the husband, "Guess what! We're pregnant." And then he turns white and has to lie down. It's hilarious. For one of us.
Epidural or au naturel?
How about we just all agree I'm not squeezing anything out my vagina? However, if anyone ever cuts me open to extract another human being, there better be drugs involved.
Ask your kids what they like about you and what bugs them about you and write it verbatim here.
Me: Hey dogs, come here. What do you like about me and what about me bugs you?
Evil Cody: Shut up and give me a treat.
Sweet Riley: I have to poop.
Do you have any advice for Snooki?
Snooki sounds like something that happens when Chewbacca goes to the bathroom. I refuse to comment on the bathroom habits of Star Wars creatures.
Now I get to tag 11 others and ask them 11 questions. I'm going to attempt to tag people who haven't already been tagged, but the blogging community is a little incestuous, so um yeah...
Before we get to the questions and the tagged, here are the rules:
- You must post these rules.
- Each person must post 11 things about herself on their blog.
- Answer the questions the “tagger” listed for you in her post, and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
- Choose 11 people to tag and link to them in the post.
- Let each blogger know that you have tagged them.
Life Ever Since
Bees With Honey
The Robot Mommy
Coffee Lovin' Mom
Fox in the City
it's so Fuzzy!!!!
My questions are:
1. What reality show would you most hate to be on?
2. Would you rather have your spouse/significant other forget your birthday or buy you a dress that's three sizes too big? Show your work.
3. Where do unicorns get their magic?
4. What dessert best describes you?
5. Where do you fall on the paranoia scale: One being totally not paranoid, and Ten being they're out to get me! Explain.
6. Salty or sweet? I'm talking food, obviously. But I suppose you can answer that any way you see fit.
7. If a train leaves Boston at 6 a.m. going 100 miles per hour and another train leaves Chicago at 11:00 a.m. going 250 miles per hour at what time will the bacon be most delicious?
8. What modern convenience would cause you so sit in the corner and eat your hair if you had to go without it for the rest of your life?
9. What is your least favorite word?
10. Which is creepier, a teletubby or a furby?
11. What makes your blog awesome sausage?