When I was six or seven years old my mom and I lived in an apartment for six months. It was a crazy place. Lot's of really weird stuff happened there and every night I dreamed that someone was trying to kidnap me. The kidnapper would come to the door, politely knock and say, "I'm here to kidnap you."
I would beg and plead for him to come back tomorrow.
"I promise, you can kidnap me tomorrow," I would say.
And he would say, "Okay," and the next day he'd be back and I'd beg him to come back tomorrow. This happened over and over and he never took me.
He was the dumbest kidnapper ever.
I had a friend who was evil. One day we were playing outside and she ran inside my apartment and locked me out.
We had a gerbil, a cat and a dog as pets. One day the gerbil got out of its cage. The cat chased the gerbil, the dog chased the cat and my mom chased them all. I sat on the couch and laughed.
The girl that lived above us had black hair on one side of her hair and white on the other side. She was either a drug dealer or a prostitute. Probably both.
Yeah, a lot of weird things happened there, but the weirdest was the night of a thousand cats.
My mom and I left one day to go somewhere fabulous. I don't remember where but I'm sure it had puppies and unicorns and lots of glitter. When we returned home hours later our front door was open. Inside, were tons of cats. Everywhere.
Most of them left as soon as we stepped inside. But two of them, Siamese cats, hung out with my cat under my bed for hours. Is suspect they were trying to recruit her because days later she ran away and never came back.
When I was six I all, "Yay, kitties!" But I was also like, "This is kinda weird."
But now that I'm an adult, I'm all, "That is totally freaking nutballs bizarre. Seriously, where the eff did all the cats come from? How did they get in our apartment? Did they have a key? Did someone put them there? Who the hell would do that? Do cats have superpowers?"
To be honest, I'm not sure which is more terrifying: someone putting them in our apartment (apparently herding cats is not as hard as it sounds) or a posse of pussies traveling around the neighborhood breaking into people's apartments.
I have always loved cats; growing up, I had three of them. I will never own a cat again because the husband is allergic. However, I sincerely hope they remember the day I allowed them unadulterated access to my room to aide in furthering their plans for world domination.