Tuesday, January 31, 2012

You Can Make Up Your Own Title For This

The other night, the husband and I went to dinner with new people.  They weren't new at being people.  They were just new to us.  As in, we had never met them before.  Actually the husband had met them, hence the dinner date.

Naturally I was seven kinds of anxious because OMG NEW PEOPLE! and also because I spent time doing my hair when I should have been drinking wine.

Our dinner friends were lovely, and quite good at being people considering they were rather new at it.

But I thought you said...

Honestly, it's like you guys are on drugs or something.


I ate all the food on my plate.

This is noteworthy because I ordered fish.

I do no like fish.  But I wanted it.  And so I ordered it.  And I ate it.  All of it.

Weird, huh?

Gasp!  Weird food craving!  You must be...

Hold that thought smarty pants.


After dinner, I wanted chocolate ice cream.

This is noteworthy because I hate chocolate ice cream.  In fact, I hate all things chocolate.  Except chocolate.

Chocolate cake?  Gag.

Chocolate cupcake?  Gag.

Chocolate ice cream?  Gag.

Chocolate frosting?  Ga...okay one time I may have spooned chocolate frosting directly from the container into my mouth.

Chocolate syrup? Ga...okay, I like that too.

We went to the new people's house and had jolly good fun playing games, but the whole time the voices inside my head chanted chocolate ice cream, chocolate ice cream, chocolate ice cream.

On our way home at 12:30 in the a.m. I was all, "Do you think CVS has chocolate ice cream?"

The husband: Maybe...

That was good enough for me.  I cut across six lanes and swerved into the CVS justintime!

I selected a carton of Breyer's Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry (Now bursting with more sun-ripened strawberries!) instead of a carton of Just Chocolate because:

1. I hate chocolate ice cream (have I mentioned that?).  After two spoonfuls, the craving would be gone and then I'd be stuck with a bunch of gaggy ice cream.

2. The husband likes strawberry ice cream and I was trying to be thoughtful (although you should know, strawberry ice cream makes me gag.  in fact, strawberry anything makes me gag...except strawberries).

3. I love vanilla ice cream.

Here's what you need to know now:

1. It's been three days and all of the chocolate ice cream is gone.  Craving for chocolate ice cream is still here.

2. Vanilla ice cream makes me gag.

You may now finish your earlier thought.

Weird food cravings!  Aversion to certain foods!  You must be pregnant!

"You have to have sex to get pregnant."

"How does she look right now?"

*wipes mouth with paper found in trash*

"Like she just realized she's pregnant."

And, scene.

The point of this post is NOT that I'm pregnant (hmm...that sounds misleading. i'm not pregnant, people. seriously.).  The point of this post is that I'm out of chocolate ice cream so I'm eating vanilla ice cream.  But I'm eating it under protest.

I mean, sure it makes me gag.  But what am I going to do, just not eat ice cream?

I know.  The very idea is ridiculous. 

Also, if I turn up dead tomorrow, it's most likely because the chocolate syrup I smothered my vanilla ice cream in expired two or seven years ago. 

*If you can name the movie quoted above, I will give you a 1/3 carton of strawberry ice cream.  The husband's not eating it and I promise it's only mildly gaggy tasting.

17 comments:

  1. Of course you have to eat the vanilla ice cream. You can't let good ice cream just go to waste. Strawberry on the other hand, yuck.

    Are you SURE you're not pregnant? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love vanilla! And can someone please tell me WHY is vanilla ice cream so good with chocolate syrup on top? Why not just eat chocolate ice cream? BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE SAME! But WHY??

    Can you 'splain, SG?

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  3. I wonder if strawberry ice cream would taste mildly less offensive if you mixed it with the remaining vanilla, thus you would still be consuming ice cream but also working your way through both of the less desirable flavours faster so they weren't wasted?
    Ok, that movie quote is driving me crazy, I swear I know what it's from but it just won't come out of my brain!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm picky. Chocolate chip mint or bust.

    Okay, that's not true I'll eat plenty of others. It's my fav though

    ReplyDelete
  5. Neapolitan ice cream solves your issues nicely. You're craving chocolate. . . it has chocolate. Your husband likes strawberry. . . it has strawberry. . . you like vanilla. . . it has vanilla.

    And IF this craving goes away, you only wasted a third of the pint or. . . container. . . whatever.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Strawberry ice cream is my 7YO's fave. But I can't figure out the movie you quoted. Bummer!
    I can't eat ice cream. Can't eat cold stuff or lactose stuff. I sound like an old lady. Sheeesh.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Here's a title-Mass Confusion...on many levels. New people that aren't new at being people...and yet....are. Fish and ice cream and yet you hate both but chocolate makes you gag, well, sometimes...I think. And I still don't know if you're knocked up. I feel like I just dropped acid and tried to watch The Matrix. However, I still enjoy your blog.

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  8. I'm totally confused myself, but I know I get weird cravings certain days of the month. Or maybe your tastebuds are maturing.

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  9. Here's the kicker: These symptoms not only point to pregnancy, it could be a tape worm instead.

    Either way, congratulations on your parasite. :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. Knocked Up! I LURVE strawberry icecream, yay me! If one day you do get pregnant, I probably won't believe you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You may be preggers but if not, just tell people that you are so they will do all kinds of shit like carry heavy things and drive all over the place day and night just to get you the chocolate ice cream that obviously the baby tapeworm demands.

    ReplyDelete
  12. -Even your randomness is interesting.

    Hand me over some of that ice-cream, please.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Um...Hello!! Movie quote is totes Knocked Up!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I was wondering why there was no ice cream. You're lucky I already wrote about you this week.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You. Are. Pregnant.

    Also? I am not fond of mint chocolate chip ice cream but if you put a container of Bryers mint chocolate on front of me?
    I'll it that shit like its my last day on earth.

    ReplyDelete

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