Did I say fun? I meant terrifying. And also kind of inspiring.
Here are some of my favorite searches that brought Googlers to my blog.
1. Whores be crazy.
Yes they be!
2. Mom Thong
Cuz there's nothing worse than panty lines when you're rockin the mom jeans.
3. A picture of a person putting in a diaphragm.
I hope these pictures were helpful.
Also, if the person who searched that did so because they actually have a diaphragm, give me a call and let me know where you got it. After Gertie exploded and I tried to get my prescription filled, every pharmacist I went to told me they've been discontinued. If there's some guy making some in a basement somewhere, I want to know about it. Unless that guy has dirty fingernails and food stuck to his beard. In which case, never mind.
If you're new to my blog and are wondering if you entered the twilight zone or some kind of bizarre alternate universe, the answer is POSSIBLY. Either that or you're drunk. Probably that one.
4. Adult Female Slumber Party
We don't have pillow fights in our underwear! Let it go, dude. Let. It. Go.
5. Congratulations you are a whore
Aw yay! Way to go! You worked so hard! And people said you couldn't do it. You showed them! Never let anyone discourage you from going after your dreams.
6. Help my brother get his shit together
Sorry, I can't help you. Cookie?
7. Baby Clothes for Whores
These are the searches that scare me.
The next three just warm my heart:
8b. Bacon whore
8c. Crazy bacon
9. Rooster get well soon
Oh no! I"m so sorry your rooster's sick. Here, show him this picture of roosters rioting. He'll be back to being the cock of the walk in no time.
10. Good to be a gyno
If you love spending your days elbow deep in vagina, then yes, I guess it is good to be a gyno.
11. Ideas to write about your most embarrassing moment
Tell them about the time you pissed your pants in public. Wait...never mind. That was me.
You know what today is? That's right. It's....FRIDAY! Which means it's time to link up with Just Jennifer for Terrific, Grateful, Important Friday.
While there are many things that aren't terrific: a sick rooster, a brother who can't control his shit, whores trying to wear baby clothes, I think it's important to focus on the positive and be grateful for the little things: the end to mom panty-lines, a sweet girl achieving her dream of being a whore, bacon, being a gyno. I don't know about you, but all of those are pretty terrific, and I, for one, am grateful.