The songs I chose don't tell a chronological story of my life, but represent themes, life-changing moments, or a period of time that in some way have shaped who I am.
1. Bye Bye Bye - N'Sync
Of course I had to pick a boy band song, considering I grew up in era of boy bands. But, to me, this song is more than just silly lyrics and
It's hard to give this song choice justice without explaining how oppressive that relationship was. But to put it simply, this song represents freedom. A time to sing loudly in the car. A time to laugh and be silly. An end to being controlled and belittled and manipulated. A time to begin to discover who it is to be me and not the person someone else wanted me to be.
2. It's My Life - Bon Jovi
My senior class trip was to Europe. We visited four countries - Germany, Austria, Switzerland and Italy - in two weeks. On our last day we went to an amusement park where the rides looked like they had been assembled in the 1940s and hadn't been maintained, repaired or inspected for safety since. Their one modern "ride" was Bungee Jumping. As two of my classmates got harnessed up and began their ride up to the top of the jump, It's My Life started playing.
I'm not sure if it was planned this way or just coincidence, but they jumped just as the chorus started playing:
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life
I wish I could explain the feeling that came over me in that moment. So many things loomed before us: the end of our trip, graduation, the end to everything we had ever known, and the beginning of the unknown.
But not just yet. We had this moment to live.
I haven't seen many of my classmates since graduation and I'll probably never see most of them again. We've all gone on to live our lives. But we will always share that moment when time stood still, where we were caught between the past and the future, and "lived while we were alive."
3. Intergalactic - Beastie Boys
I was a cheerleader for six years. I have enough stories about those years to fill a book or twelve. The days cheering for the TKA Lions and being a part of the most awesome sausage wackiest group of girls will always be some of the best of my life. This song makes the list because it was the opening of our 1999 Nationals routine and I cannot think of it without thinking of those six years.
|Can you guess which one is me?|
This song represents my battle with depression, when my brain lies to me and tells me I'm not worth it. I would give anything in those moments to believe that I am perfect. Just the way I am.
You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than f*ckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me.
5. Crazy Girl - Eli Young Band
Anxiety. It's almost as much fun as the depression. Especially when it makes me act outside my mind. One of the hardest things about depression and anxiety is knowing the toll it takes on the people who love you. Some days I worry the husband will get tired of it all and leave me. When I say that to him, his response is something like this...
Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you?
And I wouldn’t dream of goin’ nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl
6. Better Together - Jack Johnson
There are no two words more appropriate to describe me and the husband. Better Together. On a beach in Jamaica, watching t.v. on the couch, sitting in a airport for nine hours (on the first day of our honeymoon) because our flight has been cancelled...everything is always better because the two of us are together.
7. The Anthem - Good Charlotte
I have been a rule follower my whole life. Played it by the book. Did what was expected. I don't regret being a "good kid," getting straight A's, going to college. All those were things I was "supposed to do," and I wanted to do them. Truly.
But then what? I got a good job. Made good money. Worked long hours. Was respected. Admired. There was very little risk to my life. But there was also little reward. Because in playing it by the book, I had sold my soul.
I don't think there is anything wrong with wearing suits, making speeches, sitting behind a desk, working hours dictated by someone else. But it wasn't me. It wasn't right for my life.
Because my life, my anthem, is to write. And so I quit my good paying job with the stability and the certainty. I stopped doing what was right for everyone else and started doing what was right for me.
...Get a real job
That's what they said to me
But I could never, live the way they want...
'Cause I don't ever wanna
I don't ever wanna be, you
Don't wanna be just like you
What I'm saying is, this is the anthem
Throw all your hands up
You, don't wanna be you
8. This One's For the Girls - Martina McBride
This song represents my relationship with my friends and the journey we've taken together- a road lined with laughter and tears, good times and bad. It represents memories of a more youthful time, the days we're living today and the life we've yet to live...all more enriched by the special bond that is friendship.
9. Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
This represents me and the husband right now. I am not the only one who is pursuing my anthem. A year and a half ago, the husband quit his "good well-paying job" and started his own business. We are both defying convention, pursuing our dreams and yes, living on a prayer.
It might not work out. We may have to go back to our nine-to-five. But at least we gave it a shot.
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We got each other and that's a lot
For love we'll give it a shot!
Oh, we're half way there
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer
Livin' on a prayer!
10. Amazing Grace
I think the lyrics to this song say it all. If there is anything I would add, it would be this: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8