Friday, January 13, 2012

I Think I'm Supposed to Lick Something Now

If this post makes less sense than usual it's probably because I'm concussed.  Which is to say I smacked myself in the face with a weight bench ala Clark Griswold.  You know, in Christmas Vacation when he's in the attic and steps on the board and smacks himself in the face?  I did that today.

But with metal.

In the interest of full disclosure, it wasn't an intact weight bench.  It was a weight bench in pieces.  The piece that I stepped on?  Is the piece that hurts.  Apparently.

It used to be a functioning weight bench but then one day I was all "Husband!  Why lift weights when we could eat cookies!"

The husband was like, "Excellent point!  Great ideas like this are exactly why I married you."

So we disassembled the weight bench and two years later it punched me in the face. And the neck.  And the collarbone.  It was a big piece.  I seriously cannot wait until I start to bruise.

I think I'm supposed to be leading up to something...

Or maybe I'm supposed to lick something.

It's all very confusing.

And it's Just Jennifer's fault.

A few nights ago I was on the twatter with the usual band of miscreants (@jenannhall, @coffeeluvinmom, @therobotmommy) when Just Jennifer is like, "I have a great idea for a linky!"

And then someone *cough* @therobotmommy *cough* was all, "Ooh what are we licking?!" Updated...there seems to be some dispute over who instigated the licking.  How about we all just agree that if the four of us are left in a room together for too long the world will implode.  But first, it will be licked.

And then things went downhill quickly.  And Just Jennifer was like, "No no no, not LICK.  LINKY.  As in a blog LINKY."

And we were all, "Ohhh.  A linky!  Why didn't you say so?"

And then she came through The Twatter and punched us all in face.

So, her linky is I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours.

I know what you're thinking, leave it to Just Jennifer to come up with a dirty linky.

But don't worry, that's not what she means.  We're not supposed to show anything.  We're just supposed to lick things.  Wait...what? 

OMG you guys I feel nauseous and my head hurts and I really want to go to sleep.

Don't worry.  It's probably just the concussion. 

The purpose of this linky is to show you the behind-the-scenes-look at blogging.  My blogging, to be more specific.  The who's, what's, where's, and WOWS of my blogging magic.

Before we get started you'll want to suit up in full body armor.  You never know when a knife might come flying or a weight bench might sneak up behind you and karate chop you in the kidney.

Suited up?  Great.  Let's go.

This photo contains almost all of my necessary blogging equipment:

Laptop: One day I will be able to think the words and they will magically appear on the internets.  But for now, this is where the magic happens.  Take a look at that website on the screen!  For the Love of Writing.  Wow.  I bet the person who writes that blog is super awesome.

Mask:  The mask is very important for dealing with the dreaded writer's block.  I put it on and stare out the window.  Most of my blogging is done at my kitchen table which is in front of a bay window, or maybe it's just a window.  Either way, it overlooks the street.  It's super fun when people walk by, look in my window and see a crazy person in a mask staring back at them.  It was especially awesome during the homestretch of NaNoWriMo when I wore the mask and a Santa hat.

Wine:  I don't think much explanation is necessary.  Wine is an essential ingredient in composing a perfectly deranged blog post.

Knives: Because you never know when a home invasion will happen.  Or when "I'm Gonna Love You Through It" by Martina McBride is going to come on the On Demand Country Station.  For the record, a home invasion is preferable.

Cookies: In case you're wondering, yes those are the most amazing cookies on the planet.  Made by yours truly.  Also, there were two plates of cookies when I started this post.

Bacon: I know what you're thinking.  I ate it all before I could take a picture.

Moving on...

Sometimes I blog in the morning...if I've been awake all night.  In which case I drink coffee. Spiked with wine.


They taste terrible together.

Candle: day or night, there is always a candle burning when I blog. 

Knives: Pretty sure we already covered this.

Phone: my phone is supposed to be in this picture (I am constantly checking the twatter when I blog) but I have a concussion so STOP JUDGING ME!

Little White Things: What are those?!

Let's have a closer look...

Can you find the hidden messages?
 When the writer's block is really bad, I turn to The Words.  In truth, it doesn't really cure writer's block and I spend most of my time trying to come with naughty phrases to leave the husband on the fridge. 

Well folks, that's it.  The secrets of my blogging revealed.

Now link up with Just Jennifer and start licking!...or something.



  1. And I never got to lick something. Sad sad sad

  2. Brilliant even in your concussed state. Curious, is it the dance naked that leads to the cold sex? It is January after all??

  3. It's said you sit at your kitchen table, yet the picture was obviously taken next to your stove. Curious.

    When I saw the mask on your laptop, I thought, well isn't that appropriate?

    Pretty sure this post is everything I hoped it would be!

  4. brilliant!
    but what do I ask the monkey?
    I thought he had my wallet...but no, it's a tremendous pickle...?

    maybe I'm concussed too!

    *gasp* did the monkey lick the pickle!? for shame.

    I have no idea; whatever you've all got, I think it's spreading.

  5. There was a whole lot of licking going on - of what nobody is really sure..

  6. Oh dear goodness.....I just had to hit Delete, Delete, Delete when I wrote of what my poor innocent eyes rested upon in your word pool. But, I'll take a cookie! :>

  7. Oh dear goodness.....I just had to hit Delete, Delete, Delete when I wrote of what my poor innocent eyes rested upon in your word pool. But, I'll take a cookie! :>

  8. OMFG, I am laughing so hard hubby is frowning at me. It's the picture of scared faces when they look in your window and see you in your mask.... HILARIOUS!!!

  9. I love that you have a mask that you put on. :) It's awesomesauce.

  10. So while I agree the licking thing went on, I don't believe for one second it ended that fast. Oh, that's cause it didn't. The audience it attracted was hilarious! We should all wear masks when we blog and I love the words, but are you hinting at something? When you come live with me can we make me a mask and write cryptic messages to the people on the boats?

  11. I bet your neighbors think you're interesting.

    I was briefly on the Twatter the night that convo took place. I was all excited to start liking things. Oh well!

  12. I think this is the most fun I've had on blogger all week.


  13. All I can say is "that'll leave a mark"

  14. We have many similar blogging props...but I'm not saying which ones. I really hope you're not too sore and bruised! :(

  15. I'm guessing the knives are also used to open wine bottles in times of desperation.


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