But her awesomeness does not end there. She started the Witty Women community, of which I am a proud member. When I joined, I hit her up on the twitter and was all, "I joined. Where's my prize?"
Her response? "Check your ass."
I was smitten. I knew we would be Best Friends Forever Ever. Laura aka @lauramiri is also responsible for all the vagina kicking that goes on at the twitter.
So without further ado, let's all welcome Laura from Catharsis!
|Image via Wikipedia|
This is embarrassing. I know we don't know each other very well, but I feel it's important for us to get some things out in the open.
You see, those signs plastered around the neighborhood with our pictures on them? So. Not. True. For one, we are NOT bigots. Not at all. Sure, we may be uninformed about a few things, but the accusation that we are homophobic is complete nonsense. And as for that visit from CPS? I assure you. We are NOT showing our son pornography and encouraging him to call passersby explicit names. That pornography is not for him, no matter what that social worker's official report suggests.
See, my son, my three year old, he has a bit of a speech impediment. He has a hard time saying his L's. A reawy, reawy hard time. It's not a big deal. I mean, he is only three. Should correct itself in time. But this speech impediment? It's responsible for that
What everyone else thought was, "Hey! Daddy, look! A fag! A fag! Daddy, there's a fag! Over there! See it? Do you see that fag, Daddy? Do you SEE THAT FAG?!" was NOT in reference to that nice gentleman's sexual orientation. Really, it was in reference to his lovely flag. The lovely, patriotic flag he enjoys carrying on his person whilst strolling. See, no fags here.
And what the neighborhood thought was, "And that cock! Mommy, look at that cock! That cock right there! The cock on the sidewalk! Look, Mommy! A cock! That cock! That COCK ON THE SIDEWALK!" was in NO WAY in reference to that nice man's son. No. Way. In actuality, my son was talking about that son's clock. The clock he brought with him to time his stroll. The one he laid on the sidewalk while he tied his shoe. Clock. So, again, cock-free over here.
And the nice man's wife? My husband accidentally slipped and punched her nose. It WAS NOT intentional. It was merely an outgrowth of high tensions, and that's ALL. That's precisely what you should say to the detective next time he stops by. Pure. Accident. Nothing to be concerned about. Won't happen again. Promise.
Really, what I'm saying is, it's okay to revoke that restraining order and remove the bars from the windows. You have nothing to worry about from us. Honest.
Your Completely Sane Neighbors
P.S. Are we still on for that play date?
Liked what you read? Of course you did! Visit Laura at Catharsis for more awesome hilarity, become a follower and hit her up on the twat: @lauramiri
Thanks so much Laura! Love you, my vagina kickin sister!