Well technically, my blog wasn't. But a blog I had linked on my sidebar was flagged for malware and I was guilty by association.
Cue PANIC ATTACK and IMPENDING SENSE OF DOOM.
I was alerted to this very terrible thing by @chemgirljaime and then @jenannhall and I immediately called the husband and had a nervous breakdown.
He was all, "don't worry, it'll be fine. let's go to lunch."
And I was all, "DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?!! MY BLOG IS INFECTED!!!"
He picked me up and drove us to a very fine dining establishment called Ruby Tuesday's and I proceeded to have to lose my shit the entire way.
Me: I'm supposed to find Webmaster Tools. Webmaster Tools. Where is it?? Great! I don't have it! My blog will be infected FOREVER!!!
We were shown to our table and the husband was all, "let's have a nice lunch and worry about it later. i'm sure we can fix it."
Me: Nooooooooooo. We have to fix it NOOOOOOOOOOW. Find Webmaster Tools.
The husband (taking my phone): here it is.
I followed the steps to find out if I was diagnosed with malware. And guess what? I wasn't.
Happy day, right? WRONG! Google chrome was still telling my followers that I was infected.
Me: What am I going to do!!! What if I'm infected forever? I will lose all my followers! I'll have to start blogging all over again. No one will ever trust me ever again! My life will be over! OVER!
The husband: I'm sure we'll fix it. Don't worry about things that haven't happened yet.
Me: You say that now, but what if the virus travels to your computer? To your files? Last night I backed up my blog to the hard drive. WHAT IF THE WHOLE HARD DRIVE IS INFECTED?!! AAAAAAA!!!
The husband: I'll worry about that when, if, that happens. And then I'll deal with it.
Me: You won't be so calm when all your stuff is gone. FOR-EV-ER!!!!
The husband: You see this? How you're acting and how I'm acting? This is the perfect example of two ways to deal with a potentially bad situation. You can freak out before you really know anything has happened, or you can remain calm until you know the entire situation.
Me: Something really bad has happened! MY BLOG IS INFECTED!!!! AND YOU WON'T BE CALM WHEN ALL OF YOUR FILES ARE DESTROYED!!! FOREVVVERRRR!!!!
The husband: Put your phone away and let's try to enjoy lunch.
Me: We're going to end up homeless!!
The husband: Eat your salad.
Me: We'll be digging through dumpsters for food!!
The husband: Eat your salad.
Me: I'LL NEVER OWN CUTE SHOES AGAIN!!!!
The husband: Eat your...
For those of you who like visuals, here's what "enjoying our lunch" looked like.
We then proceeded to have a "discussion" about mayonnaise. The husband likes to dip his french fries in it, which makes me want to vomit all over the place.
Me: Mayonnaise is a spread, not a dip.
The husband: It's both.
Me: No, ketchup is both.
The husband: Nope, you're wrong again.
Me: Being wrong again implies I was wrong a first time. Which I wasn't. I'm never wrong.
The husband: Nope. Wrong again.
Me: BE NICE TO ME OR I WILL THROW MYSELF IN FRONT OF TRAFFIC!!
The husband: Wow, you really know how to shut down a conversation, don't you?
Me: DON'T JUDGE ME! MY BLOG IS INFECTED!! CAN WE HAVE OUR CHECK? WHERE IS OUR CHECK!!!!!
This went on for quite some time. We got home and the husband calmly backed up his files and then ran away from me.
I turned to the twitter.
Me: HELP MEEEEEE!! I'M DYYYYINNNNG!
Twats: We are here to help!
And they were. Not one, not two, not just three of them. But many amazing twats walked me through this terrible tragedy. I would no doubt be eating my hair and rocking myself in the corner right now if it weren't for them so I'd just like to talk a moment and acknowledge each one of them.
@chemgirljaime, @jenannhall, @mommy2cents, @blogginglily, @mytimeasmom, @supermomboots, @JessCJared, @troublesometots, @SingleishMom, @analogyqueen, @Thypolar, @onechunkymama, @nearnormalcy, @notbagels
I think that's everyone, but if I missed someone please feel free to yell at me.
As for the rest of you, follow these twats! They are amazing and are there for you in times of tragedy. And what can be more tragic than an infected blog? Absolutely nothing.
Although this blog is one of sarcasm and should not be taken seriously AT ALL, I would like to point out, especially since this is the season of thanks, that I am EXTREMELY BLESSED and there are very real tragedies in this world happening to people every day, and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to me, I will consider myself a very fortunate girl.
Oh, and if anyone is wondering, all I had to do was remove the link that had been flagged with malware from my blog and the problem was solved.