Have you guys met my friend Elise aka @NoBagels? She blogs at Things That Are Not Bagels. She's hilarious, and I suspect a spy, even though she claims otherwise, because her name is not really Elise. Anyway, if you don't know her you should. Because she saved my life once.
True story. I was about to be eaten my an alligator and she twatted me, which is to say she sent me a tweet. How exactly did that save my life? Well you see I was dreaming about being eaten my an alligator. Now you may argue she didn't save my life because it was only a dream. But not so. See alligators are just like Freddy Krueger. If they kill you in your sleep, they kill you in real life. This is basic science.
She's also the smartest person in the history of persons.
I sent a tweet to @jenannhall of Just Jennifer saying I had writer's block and wondered if she had any advice. She responded by asking whether I'd had anything remotely healthy in the last several days. I struggled to make the connection, but she's a mom and they worry about things like that.
Well @notbagels jumped in and said that in order to cure writer's block I should do the following:
1. Listen to 4 "story" country songs
2. Write 1500 words about one of them
3. Drink wine
4. Return to work
I was dubious about the 1500 words, because HELLO I can't even manage to write one, but she did save my life, so I figured she knew what she was talking about. So I took her advice. However, I combined steps one and three. I figure the sooner wine is involved (no matter what the situation) the better.
The first song I listened to was You and Tequila Make Me Crazy by Kenny Chesney featuring Grace Potter.
At first I was super confused. I was all, "the husband? I didn't know you wrote songs."
You want to know what phrase, besides "I love you" the husband says to me most often?
"You drive me crazy."
Aww, thanks honey. You make me crazy too.
While I found this song to be super sweet - it was a love song from the husband to me, after all - it wasn't exactly a "story" song as @notbagels instructed.
I knew just the song I needed: Don't Take the Girl by Tim McGraw.
Not only is it a good story song, it is the song that made people think I was a lesbian.
Perhaps I should explain.
Which I will do.
But first let's listen to the song.
Johhny's daddy was taking him fishing
When he was eight years old
A little girl came through the front gate
holding a fishing pole.
His dad looked down and smiled
said we can't leave her behind
Son I know you don't want her to go
But some day you'll change your mind
No Dad! Don't do it! Leave her behind! Trust me on this. This is only going to end badly.
And Johnny said
Take Jimmy Johnson
The racecar driver? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's not going to go, but nice try Johnny.
Take Tommy Thompson
Yes! Great idea Johnny. Take him. Even though he's a little jerk who puts frogs in Mrs. Gillicutty's desk drawer.
Take my best friend Bo.
He's not that great of a friend Johnny, but yes! Take him! Anyone's better than that blonde haired blue eyed Sally with the tough exterior and the sweet heart. She's only eight but wow can she cook a mean apple pie. And her skin is so soft. Not that you should be touching her. You're eight years old, Johnny. For crying out loud child, get your act together.
I wanted to say " get your shit together" but it seems wrong, somehow, to curse at an eight year old. Good call, me.
Take anybody that you want, as long as she don't go.
Take any boy in the world, Daddy please...
Don't take the girl
If only your father had listened to you Johnny.
You know that saying, father knows best?
Not true, Johnny. Not true.
Same old boy, same sweet girl
Ten years down the road
He held her tight and kissed her lips
in front of the picture show
Stranger came and pulled a gun
Grabbed her by the arm
Said if you do what I tell you to
There won't be any harm
Run Johnny run! Leave the bitch behind!
And Johnny said,
Take my money, take my wallet
Take my credit card
Really Johnny? Is she worth that twenty-seven fifty you have in your wallet? I highly doubt it.
Here's the watch that my Grandpa gave me.
No Johnny! Not the watch! Your Grandpa gave it to your Grandma when he left to fight the Nazi's. It was his promise to her that he'd come back. She'd lay awake at night listening to the tick of the hands. As long as it ticked, she knew his heart was still beating.
Keep the watch Johnny! Give up the girl!
Here's the key to my car.
Mister give it a whirl, but please...
don't take the girl
Seriously? It's a 1957 corvette. You don't know it now, but one day that will be a classic. Honestly, have you seen the red leather interior? Men today would give up their left testicle for that car and you're willing to give it up for some broad with a nice rack?
Same old boy, same sweet girl
Five years down the road
There's going to be a little one
And she says it's time to go.
Way to knock her up there, champ.
Doctor says the baby's fine
But you'll have to leave
Cause his momma's fading fast
What kind of jerk doctor doesn't let you stay to say goodbye? She's the love of his life, doctor!
Sheesh. Some people just don't understand love.
And Johnny hit his knees and then he prayed
Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
Don't take the girl.
Great. Are you happy Johnny? I'm freaking crying over here. Tears. Streaming down my face. You're lucky I'm not wearing mascara.
Johnny's daddy was taking him fishing
When he was eight years old.
Yeah yeah. We know how that ends. Thanks, Johnny's dad. Thanks a whole freaking lot.
So why did this story make people think I was a lesbian?
Well in college, my friend A and I were listening to it while lying in her small twin bed and when the song was over we turned and just looked at each other. We were devastated! But it was at that moment one of her hallmates came in. To see us gazing at each other. She slowly backed out of the room.
Rumors started to swirl after that.
But we showed them! We dragged every girl into my friend's dorm room and made them listen to this song. There were tears everywhere.
College was fun.
I'm not sure if I've reached 1500 words yet, but I'm definitely drunk. And sorta sad... which is exactly the emotion of my main character in my current work in progress.
Off to go write!
Thanks Elise aka @notbagels. You've saved me again!