I know you're all expecting something awesome, and witty and funny, but today, all I have is marriage advice.
I shouldn't say it like that. "All I have" makes it sound like you're getting something sub-par, less than stellar, lame. But if you've read the marriage advice I've given in the past, you know it is anything but lame. It is stupendous. And relationship saving. You're welcome.
We all know it takes a lot of things to make a marriage work, but what is the most important component to a successful marriage? That's right.
We know about the importance of using "I" versus "you" statements, and being a good listener, and finding ways to compromise, and counting to ten before you lose your shit over the dirty socks that were left in the middle of the living room floor. Again.
We work really really hard to do all of these things, but sometimes, communication still breaks down.
And that's okay. As long as you recognize it and try to learn from it.
Take for example, a recent drive-thru experience the husband and I had. Now, neither one of us is a big fan of fast food. But sometimes, on road trips, it is necessary. Especially if you're starting out at 8:00 a.m. and you were up till to 2:00 a.m. talking with your super fabulous friend J and you don't seriously expect me to get up right now I just went to sleep omg someone give me coffee before I stab you in the face.
Also? We love us some McDonald's breakfast.
Okay, so technically I'm the only who wants to roll around in a pile of Egg McMuffins while simultaneously eating their cheesy, eggy, Canadian bacony goodness.
But I've digressed.
We were in the drive-thru and the husband was placing the order.
Guy: You can place your order whenever you're ready.
Me: I want a number one with a coffee and I also want a bottled water.
The husband: I'll have a number one with a water instead of a coffee.
Me: No, I want the coffee. And the water.
The husband: Okay, we'll have a number one with the coffee and a bottled water.
Guy: You want two bottles of water?
The husband: No, one.
This is going well.
Guy: Okay. How many cream and sugar?
Me: A lot!
The husband: A lot.
Me: Four creams four sugars, four creams four sugars, four creams four sugars!
The husband: *silence*
Guy: Okay, that'll be $5.
Me: Why didn't you say four creams four sugars?
The husband (throwing his hands up): Cuz I don't know what you want!
Now at first I was thinking are you serious? You don't know what I want?
But then I realized I had committed the number one sin of being a poor communicator: Expecting the other person to be a mind reader.
How often have you gotten upset over your spouse/fiance/significant other not doing exactly what you asked? I'm guessing a time or twelve. But did you ever stop and ask yourself, am I clearly expressing my wants/needs?
It's difficult to take a good hard look in the mirror and realize it's you who may be to blame.
But I didn't need a mirror to realize I was at fault this time.
Let's take another look at the conversation. The husband asked me how many creams and sugars I wanted, and I responded "a lot." Now "a lot" can mean different things to different people. To some "a lot" may be two, to others it may be twelve. To me, it is four.
But how was the husband supposed to know that unless I told him? He may be many things, but he is not a mind reader. What I should have said is, "I want four creams four sugars."
Okay, I said it. But maybe he didn't hear me. There was a lot of other noise that could have distracted him, like wind, and...stuff.
I shouldn't have just assumed he heard. I should have said it again: four creams four sugars, four creams four sugars.
Okay, okay. So I said it twice. Ladies, since when has your man ever heard you the first two times you said something?
Everyone knows third times a charm.
If only I had said, "Four creams four sugars, four creams four sugars, four creams four sugars!"
Yeah, I give up.
Whatever. Communication is overrated. Someone pass the wine.