Wednesday, September 14, 2011

WARNING: Stabby objects in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear

The husband and I?  We're starving ourselves dieting trying to live healthier lives.  The husband is doing this because he's in competition with his father to see who can reach his goal weight first.  Kinda like their own version of The Biggest Loser.

The reasons I am doing this are twofold:

1.) People are frequently confusing me with a hippopotamus and it's getting embarrassing. 

2.) I am ridiculously out of shape.

Seriously, it's ridiculous.

Six years ago, this is what a simple trip up the stairs looked like for me:

This is what it looks like today:

This decision could not have come at a worse time.  Because my favorite season is here.

Football season.

And what food goes best with football games?  That's right.  Junk food.

So instead of watching the game like this:

I'm watching it like this:

Yeah, it sucks.  I keep telling myself the three pounds I've lost are totally worth it.  But I'm starting to think they're totally not.

Each day this "healthy living" continues, the chances of someone getting stabbed increases tenfold.  So, silver lining I guess.  Or something.  Whatever.

Feed me.


  1. I can't ever stick to a diet so kudos to you for that three pounds! My only advice? Allow yourself a weekly treat. It'd keep you from stabbing someone.

  2. I hide Hershey's bars in the veggie drawer..

  3. You can do this. It will be okay.

  4. Hey, I know how hard it is to lose even a pound! So keep up the good work, bite and stab whoever you want, just as long as you stick to your goal, girlfriend.

    I'm here if you need some extra help stabbing people, by the way. I'm really good at that.

    You go, girl!

  5. I really really feel your pain. Best of luck to you.

  6. Gah...I swear that I can't manage to comment... Sheesh....
    It took time to adjust, but you CAN do this. I promise!

  7. I made the mistake of making chocolate chip cookies the other day, and then polished off a dozen in one sitting. DIETING FAIL.

  8. It is not a diet, it's a lifestyle change! Bwhahaha. Sorry, please don't stab me.

    I hate dieting, I hate everything about it. I enjoy my treats and my carbs and my chocolate. But I am trying to drop some of the junk in my trunk, so I am right there with ya. Congrats on the 3 lbs that is awesome.

  9. Hang in there.



  10. Do it when your young because the older you get...Take it from me now that I'm older I regret I didn't do it at your age when I had more energy!

  11. I know this is serious... but gosh, you told it in such a funny way. The snack table drawings killed me... maybe because we ALSO have football snacking issues going on at our house? You're not alone there!

  12. Stairs?! Phfft... Wasn't there an elevator?!?

    Seriously, I cook rocking low-fat Super Bowl feasting food. We'll talk :)

  13. I lost 5 pounds and sometimes at night, I'm so hungry I'm considering eating my husband (He doesn't know that.)
    But you know what, I can already run up the stairs without feeling the need to call an ambulance.

  14. 1) Good luck! Always blows when you first start but in a few weeks when you're making those stairs your bitch you'll be feeling champion-like.
    2) Never have dieting competition with men. They can loose 10 lbs by simply putting less sugar in their coffee.
    3) How did you draw your informative diagrams? Have been struggling to do same on my site. Help please?

  15. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

    Except nachos.

    But you can totally do this! And when swimsuit season rolls around again, your rolls won't be!

  16. You can do it - and you have a perfectly good excuse for stabbing someone. It will totally hold up in court.

  17. The drawings are fantastic!

    I'm trying the hell to get into better shape because I'm going to be in a swimsuit in Nov.

    It's not going well!

  18. --I can tooootally relate. Great pictures. x

  19. Great drawings. I agree--the best part of football season is the snacks. Go Pats and pass the nachos!

  20. I used to be able to watch what I ate and do a little more exercise. But stupid menopause keeps packing it on darn it.

  21. Way to go!! Hang in there. They say it gets better, I wouldn't know because well I'm in your boat. Hub has been doing this whole eating healthy thing for almost a rwo years now and I just haven't picked up on it like he has. But I'm trying. And let's face it, he does body building competitions and I have no (and I mean NO) plans on getting my ass up on stage.

    Have you tried eating several small meals throughout the day? It has seemed to help me out. Football season is super hard and you know what else...Thanksgiving is coming up. My FAVORITE holiday because what other holiday can you get together with family, stuff yourself silly and watch football?

  22. You are hilarious. I love your pictures. I'm trying to eat healthy too. Unfortunately, my weight loss comes from the fact that I'm chasing a baby around and barely get a chance to eat during the day.

  23. Dieting during football season is worse than dieting during the holidays. Bleh.

  24. Are you licking the stairs in that last stair picture?

    Because if you are? AWESOME.

  25. I don't diet. Because I can't live on a diet for very long so I'll just gain the weight back.

    Also, I must say that my feelings are hurt that you have not yet embraced my alligator hunting on a bicycle workout program. But, I'm confident that you will eventually.

    I LOVE your pictures! Especially 'you're pathetic' and 'pass the ranch'. They made me very happy!

  26. I was going to inform you of the delicious raw vegetable options available for dieting, then I remembered they only taste decent with ranch. Sorry.

  27. Good luck SG!!!! All the "extra" pounds I lost in FL before our trip to PA I found there at the picnics, weddings, pig roasts and home cooked meals with family and friends! Maybe we can run stairs together when I get back!

  28. eating healthy is total bullshit! excuse me, i have to go. i'm busy eating this pizza at 1 am and being fat...


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