Friday, September 9, 2011

Magic Jeans

Several weeks ago I wrote a short story, Sweet Surrender, for a Romantic Friday Writers prompt.  I recently decided to expand that story into a longer short story and try my hand at self-publishing.  I planned to write a scene before Sweet Surrender, as well as expand that scene and pick up where "the kiss" left off, and publish it - for FREE! - at Smashwords.

I had an idea of what I wanted the first scene to look like, but as soon as I read this week's prompt for Write On Edge, "JEANS", I knew exactly what I wanted to write.  The complete scene is longer than what I'm posting here, (and we'll all just pretend that what's here is within the word limit and hope that the Write On Edge ladies won't stab me in the face) and I tried to end it at a decent stopping point. 

It's a silly little story that I am having a blast writing and hopefully you'll like this scene and Sweet Surrender enough to want to read the rest and download it a Smashwords - did I mention it will be FREE! - when I publish it in (hopefully) the next week or so.  If you don't like it and won't want to download it, that's okay too.  *sob*

Magic Jeans

Emma spent the day watching him through her kitchen window.  He painted his white shutters blue, repaired the broken front porch railing and mowed the lawn.  And he did it all sans shirt.  The blazing sun had turned his skin an even more delicious shade of golden brown. Sweat ran between the peaks and valleys of his sculpted frame, accentuating each sinewy ripple. 

He drank from a water bottle before turning it over and pouring the remainder over his head. She watched a trickle start at his neck, round his chest, navigate his abs, and slide down the V of his hips before disappearing in his jeans. 

She fanned herself with her latest issue of Good Housekeeping and nearly fell into the sink when she leaned forward, straining her neck to follow him around the side of his house.  "Stupid woman," she muttered, catching herself before her face smacked the faucet.

Collecting herself, she looked at her watch and sprung into action.  The girls would be here any minute.  She emptied a bag of chips in a bowl and a bag of pretzels in another.  She ran to her bedroom, slipped off her house-clothes, threw on a sundress, fluffed her hair, and applied a dab of lipstick.  She answered the door on winded breath.

"You okay, honey?" Millie asked, frowning.  "You look flushed."

"I'm fine," Emma said ushering her and Katie inside.  "I lost track of time and had to hurry to get ready."

"I'm flushed and you didn't ask me if I was okay," Katie huffed, waddling to the kitchen and pouring a generous glass of lemonade.

Millie eyed Katie's rounded stomach.  "You're flushed cuz you're 'bout ready to pop." Millie made her signature drink - a raspberry mojito - and took a sip.  "I know you want that baby outta you honey, but tell him to wait until after our poker game, 'kay?"

Katie rolled her eyes. "If I had any control over when he's coming out, I would have gotten him out weeks ago.  This heat is brutal."

Emma made herself a dirty martini and the trio headed to the kitchen table for their Sunday night card game.  They didn't play for money and they didn't keep track of who won.  The night was really just an excuse to gossip.  "It really is unbearable.  They say it's supposed to remain in the triple digits the rest of the week."

"Kill me now," Katie moaned, lowering herself into a chair.

Emma and Millie sat on either side of her, Emma dealing the first hand.

"If there's one benefit to this heat, it's that hunk of man that just moved in next door," Mille said to Emma, picking up her cards.  "I spent the day on my porch sipping mojitos and watching that fine specimen."

"Was Roy off fishing again?" Katie sorted her hand.

Millie snorted.  "No man spends that much time fishing, Katie dear.  He was at the titty bar where he is most days.  I know that to be the truth and don't let 'im try to tell you dif'rent. I figure he can have I look, so can I.  I'll take two," Millie said, discarding two of the cards in her hand.

"Two for me too," Katie said.  "He was quite a sight to behold, wasn't he?"

"Oh no, Katie," Emma groaned.  "You haven't developed a wondering eye too, have you?"

Millie waved her hand dismissively, her sagging arm flapping like a flag in a windstorm.  "Aint nothing wrong with looking.  Roy and I started looking in other directions ten years after we got hitched and twenty years later, we're still together.  I got a full house."  Millie laid her cards down on the table.

"I think Katie wants a little more out of her marriage than what you and Roy have.  No offense,"  Emma said, showing a pair of Jacks.

Millie shrugged.  "Prob'ly so and none taken."

"I got nothing," Katie said dropping her cards on the table.  "I wouldn't even have to look if Chris weren't so bull-headed.  He's so terrified of hurting the baby, he won't even come near me.  I don't remember the last time we had sex."

Emma tucked her Jacks back into the deck, gathered the cards and passed them to Katie for her deal.

"I went into labor forty-six minutes after I had sex when I was pregnant with Lily," Emma said.

"I made the mistake of telling Chris sex can induce labor.  Freaked him out even more."  Katie shuffled the cards and dealt a fresh hand.

"I bet Emma's new neighbor could help you out with that."  Millie tossed a handful of chips in her mouth.

"Millie!" Emma scolded.

"Oh relax.  I'm not telling her to have sex with him.  All she needs are his jeans."

"His jeans?" Emma asked.

"Yes."  She turned to Katie.  "You just go on over there honey and tell him you need to borrow his jeans and give yourself a good rub down."

"A rub down?"

"Yep. Rub them jeans all over your body - I would do it naked if I were you - and you'll have that baby in no time."

"You're actually saying my new neighbor's jeans are going to make Katie go into labor?"  Emma asked, laughing.  One of the reasons she loved her friend, affectionately referred to by the rest of the neighborhood as Crazy Millie Milster, was that she never knew what was going to come out of her mouth.

"Sure am. Those jeans are magic, I tell ya." Millie slammed her cards on the table. "Full house again.  Damn I'm good."

Katie giggled.  "Magic jeans?  I'm desperate enough to try anything."

"You saw them jeans, right Emma?" Millie asked, polishing off her mojito.

"Um, yeah, briefly.  When I checked the mail today." She'd been too preoccupied with the scene above his jeans to remember the jeans themselves. She kept her eyes lowered as she slid her losing hand to Millie.

"Oh honey, you shoulda taken a longer look."  Millie grabbed her empty glass and stood up.  "Anyone need a refill?"  Katie handed Millie her glass; Emma shook her head.  "If those jeans were any lower they'da been on the ground.  I could see the top of his crack."

"Ugh.  I hate that," Katie groaned.

Millie handed Katie her fresh drink and sat down, taking a sip of her mojito.  "No complaints from me.  It was a nice change from seeing Roy's fat crack poking outta the top of his jeans.  It's like one a them rattle snakes all poised and ready to strike if you get too close."

Emma and Katie erupted in a fit of laughter.

"You laugh, but I have nightmares about that crack.  Really, I do.  In fact, do me a favor honey," she said to Katie.  "When you're done with them jeans, gimme to me. I'll sleep with 'em. Put 'em between Roy an' me to ward off his evil crack like garlic does a vampire."

"Gee Millie, why don't you just wear them around your neck?"  Emma said.

"Not a bad idea there Emma; I just might do that.  I bet they'd do more than just protect me from Roy's crack.  They'd prob'ly melt the fat right offa my stomach, erase the dipples in my butt and bring my boobs back up to my chest." Millie nodded.  "Mmm hmm.  I bet they just will.  Those jeans?  They're magic I tell ya." 


  1. I am loving this-light and fun. The way you described the water dripping down his body made me all tingly. And the word sinewy. Great word. Also loved the details of the poker game and how easy it is to identify with us girls playing like that and how much it would drive the guys nuts if they didn't keep score. Looking forward to downloading my free copy! Tell me when!

  2. Jesus, woman, you've got me all hot and bothered here. I wasn't planning on this. I had a nice crap and deep sleep in mind, but I might need to change my mind a bit. Let me know when you're all up and published. I'll be sure to get myself in the mood for that read.

  3. This is great. I was right there and laughing about those damn jeans. Got to say...why does every guy think his penis is large enough to hurt a baby?

  4. I loved this. Love the part about her almost falling into the sink and hit herself with the tap :-)

  5. Hot DAMN! Like SITC without the annoyances. I'll be waiting for the next installment with MY dirty martini! Also, I think Millie is a combo of all your sassy snarky twitter girls. Am I right? Love this. Keep em coming, baby!!

  6. This was hysterical. I'd love to hang out with these ladies--especially if Mr. Magic Jeans lives next door!

  7. This is amazing!!! I can't wait to read more. It reminds me of me and my closest girl friends. And no, there is nothing wrong with looking!!

    This would so be you and me if we ever got together lol!!

  8. I LOVED this and was so said to see that you stopped there (for this post). Dying to hear how the conversation ends.

  9. You are cruel, girl! Posting somethin' like this for me to read, especially with me being sex-depraved and all that (having a midlife crazed hubbs who wanted a divorce would do that to you, I guess ;). Ooh, ooh (waving my hands in the air), I want some of those magic jeans also!!! lol

    The GRAPHIC description of Emma's neighbor in the beginning... woohooo... dang hot! I've gotta fan myself while reading it.

    As I said, it's a cruel, cruel thing you're doing to me, girlfriend ;)!!

  10. I'm just going to say "Ditto" to everything dosweatthesmallstuff said.

    Damn, girl.

  11. The whole magic jeans thing just kills me. Millie's an awesome character.

    She kind of makes me think of 'Ouiser in "Steel Magnolias."

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