I don't know if you've noticed but I haven't been blogging much lately. The reasons for this are numerous and not all that interesting so I won't bore you with them except to say one of the reasons is that I've lost my blogging mojo.
I blame the voices. They really are gone. And I don't know how to get them back. It's so quiet inside my head and apparently without them I'm an incredibly dull person.
But I can't just never blog again. Seriously, what would you guys do without me? As it is, I deserve swift and harsh punishment for making you guys go so long without my awesomeness.
But you can rest easy today, because today, I am back. And not just back with jazz hands and a fabulous dance, but with a story that will make your head explode. So gird your loins, er head.
Yesterday during lunch I read the paper. I never read the paper because a.) the stories are so depressing they make me sad. seriously, why are there so many asshats doing asshattery things in the world and 2.) I am usually bored to tears. So either way, I end up crying and it's like high school all over again when I dated that douche canoe I called a boyfriend. Also? The paper hardly ever talks about bacon, so really, what's the point?
But yesterday a headline about the opening of a new Mexican restaurant caught my eye because my friend Mandy LOVES Mexican (the food, not the people. not that she doesn't like the people. she does. but she likes to eat the food, not the people. i mean, I assume she's not a cannibal. i've never really asked her because honestly, how do you even bring that up? um, er, so I was just, uh, er wondering, have you, ya know, ever, er, um, eaten a person?) and she's sick with bronchitis and also possibly walking pneumonia so I thought I could cheer her up by telling her about an awesome new place for her to get her Mexican fix.
The name of the restaurant is called Los Burritos. That's The Burritos for those of you who don't speak the Spanish.
The article said the restaurant specializes in burritos.
Hold the phone.
Los Burritos specializes in burritos? Cue head explosion.
Have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous? I mean, of all the things I would expect to eat at The Burritos, burritos would not be one of them. Pizza, yes. A Tempura Tokyo roll, possibly. Even a good ole fashioned American Cheeseburger would be a more likely choice at Los Burritos than burritos.
Honestly, what are these people thinking? This place will never work.
I kept reading, cuz like watching a train wreck, I could not turn away. Apparently the owners operated another restaurant called Lunch Box Cafe, which is closing after six year because it was "just not making a profit." Probably because it specialized in Lunch Boxes, and I don't know about you guys, but I find lunch boxes to be a little dry and hard to digest.
I expected to then read about the owner bemoaning the lack of business at Los Burritos due to all the pissed off customers who came there expecting egg rolls and wonton soup and were handed a burrito instead, but then I read, "This restaurant has already done better than [Lunch Box Cafe] and we just opened at 11:00 today."
A restaurant that has been open for a matter of hours has made more of a profit than a restaurant open for SIX YEARS?
Are the burritos at Los Burritos billion dollar burritos? It's either that or the featured dish at Lunch Box Cafe was a heaping pile of burning money, because how else is that even possible?
Why in the world would you stay in business for SIX YEARS if you weren't making a profit?
I now see why the owners thought burritos would be a good thing to serve at Los Burritos. These people have zero business sense.
I bet the burritos are awful, too. I mean, really, everyone knows if you want a good burrito, you go to The Pizzas. This is just common sense, people. Common. Sense.
In the interest of full disclosure, Los Burritos did not pay me for this ringing endorsement of their establishment.