Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Desperate Times Call for...Burritos?

I don't know if you've noticed but I haven't been blogging much lately.  The reasons for this are numerous and not all that interesting so I won't bore you with them except to say one of the reasons is that I've lost my blogging mojo.

I blame the voices.  They really are gone.  And I don't know how to get them back.  It's so quiet inside my head and apparently without them I'm an incredibly dull person.

But I can't just never blog again.  Seriously, what would you guys do without me?  As it is, I deserve swift and harsh punishment for making you guys go so long without my awesomeness.

But you can rest easy today, because today, I am back.  And not just back with jazz hands and a fabulous dance, but with a story that will make your head explode.  So gird your loins, er head.

Yesterday during lunch I read the paper.  I never  read the paper because a.) the stories are so depressing they make me sad. seriously, why are there so many asshats doing asshattery things in the world and 2.) I am usually bored to tears.  So either way, I end up crying and it's like high school all over again when I dated that douche canoe I called a boyfriend.  Also?  The paper hardly ever talks about bacon, so really, what's the point?

But yesterday a headline about the opening of a new Mexican restaurant caught my eye because my friend Mandy LOVES Mexican (the food, not the people.  not that she doesn't like the people. she does. but she likes to eat the food, not the people.  i mean, I assume she's not a cannibal.  i've never really asked her because honestly, how do you even bring that up?  um, er, so I was just, uh, er wondering, have you, ya know, ever, er, um, eaten a person?) and she's sick with bronchitis and also possibly walking pneumonia so I thought I could cheer her up by telling her about an awesome new place for her to get her Mexican fix.

Yeah no.

The name of the restaurant is called Los Burritos.  That's The Burritos for those of you who don't speak the Spanish.

The article said the restaurant specializes in burritos.

Hold the phone.


Los Burritos specializes in burritos?  Cue head explosion.

Have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous?  I mean, of all the things I would expect to eat at The Burritos, burritos would not be one of them.  Pizza, yes.  A Tempura Tokyo roll, possibly.  Even a good ole fashioned American Cheeseburger would be a more likely choice at Los Burritos than burritos.

Honestly, what are these people thinking?  This place will never work.

I kept reading, cuz like watching a train wreck, I could not turn away.  Apparently the owners operated another restaurant called Lunch Box Cafe, which is closing after six year because it was "just not making a profit."  Probably because it specialized in Lunch Boxes, and I don't know about you guys, but I find lunch boxes to be a little dry and hard to digest.

I expected to then read about the owner bemoaning the lack of business at Los Burritos due to all the pissed off customers who came there expecting egg rolls and wonton soup and were handed a burrito instead, but then I read, "This restaurant has already done better than [Lunch Box Cafe] and we just opened at 11:00 today."

Time. Out.

A restaurant that has been open for a matter of hours has made more of a profit than a restaurant open for SIX YEARS?

Are the burritos at Los Burritos billion dollar burritos?  It's either that or the featured dish at Lunch Box Cafe was a heaping pile of burning money, because how else is that even possible?

Why in the world would you stay in business for SIX YEARS if you weren't making a profit?

I now see why the owners thought burritos would be a good thing to serve at Los Burritos.  These people have zero business sense.



I bet the burritos are awful, too.  I mean, really, everyone knows if you want a good burrito, you go to The Pizzas.  This is just common sense, people.  Common.  Sense.

In the interest of full disclosure, Los Burritos did not pay me for this ringing endorsement of their establishment.


  1. Yay, so happy to have you back my dear!

    Hum, this place you write about sounds a lot like a little place that opened near us recently. . . Mucho Burrito. I was really hoping to find a place close by that served really tasty Thai but now you have me wondering if they will just have burritos . . . so disappointing! ;)

  2. I could really go for a burrito now! Thanks!

    P.S. I read John and Darcy! I love it! Can't wait for the next installment!

  3. glad you're back... we missed you!

    and now .. I really want a burrito... you should try the burrito from there and do a follow up review.

  4. HAHAHAHA This is why I love you.

  5. Cue head explosion. HAHAHA.

    My old company hasn't made a profit for almost 10 years and they're still going. Ugh.

    Is it wrong that I believe in Business Euthanasia?

  6. I.Love.Burritos.So.Much. Seriously, I may have been Mexican in a past life. If I believed in past lives...

    Remember when I listed my top 10 fave foods? Burritos were in there! In fact, ppl who search for pictures of burritos are directed to my blog.

    That's how much I love them.

  7. Aww. Too bad you don't have an interesting local paper to read like mine. Today a dearth of local news was filled with a large picture of a praying mantis. The letters to the editor feature the same dozen people arguing over creationism vs evolution, who should pay for spaying the feral cat population etc. for the past 40 years. I do, however, LOVE the reports from the restaurant inspections.
    And I would never get a burrito at any place other than an authentic Mexican restaurant like Taco Bell.

  8. That is so weird that they make burritos there. You'd think they'd give the place a name that clues people in to that fact, but what do I know. Anyway, I feel that now, you have no choice but to go there and find out how the burritos are. You must sample one of every kind. I'm secretly hoping there's 50 different kinds. THAT would give you something to write about! :)

  9. 6 years they stayed in business losing money? That's insane. Maybe Los Burritos will get a little crazy and sell tacos. Or nachos.

  10. Have I ever told you about the swanky Italian restaurant I plan to open called Teriyaki Joe's?

  11. Oh burritos sound so good. Wonder if I can talk hubs into going out to dinner tonight? I think it's worth a try!

  12. More importantly do they serve Corona with those burritos?

  13. I am so with you. Los Burritos? Psht. Please. Let me know how they are, though. I assume you ARE going? Just to, you know, check out how fucking stupid the whole thing is?

  14. I promise you...I've got enough voices for all 4 of us... it will return to normal (I think they're all just helping yell at me to figure out more details of the mystery surrounding my birth, so it's totally my fault, your mojo is over here SCREAMING at me...
    And I'm glad to return it. Cause I got enough voices.
    So, um. Anyway.
    I don't LIKE burritos, however, the sheer marketing genius they showed in the name says it all.
    Simple. To the point.
    I don't see where you could get confused. A lunch box could be ANYTHING...
    (Good to see you btw...)

  15. But I think Los Burritos SHOULD have paid you! You did a great job. I'm totally craving Mexican food now.
    I hear ya on the blogging mojo thing. I forgot to renew my domain, and so I lost my domain, some asshats bought up, and want a small fortune to sell it back to me, and now I'm a .co NOT a .com, and I'm all, "Why bother..."...sigh...wait, this wasn't supposed to be about me...sigh...carry on sweet girl! Your job is to save all Mexican restaurants for imminent closure my providing ringing endorsements.

  16. Wait, are you talking smack about burritos? I for one appreciate that they were honest about their fare and didn't try to fancy it up with some stupid name like La Hacienda. Dude, it's not an "estate." You're selling crap in a tortilla.


  17. Don't you mean that if you want a good burrito, you should go to Los Pizzas?

    Glad you're back, Your Awesomeness.

  18. I've noticed, and I've definitely missed you.

    Because this FABULOUS! HAHAHAHA!!

    I don't even want to know what they are putting in those Burritos. *shudder*

  19. Oh how I have missed these posts!


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