So. I'm sure you've all heard by now that one of Mama Kat's prompts this week is the Top Ten Reasons Bacon is Awesome. Of course we have Mama Kat to thank for this because she is our amazing host, but we also have Carri Brown (Mommy's Little Monster) to thank because she inspired the post. And I like to think that I inspired Carri Brown - cuz everything's always about me even when it's nothing about me - so therefore you all have me to thank for this week's awesome prompt.
Okay, for serious now. If you're my twat, then you know the amount of bacon talk on twitter borders on obscene. So it was no surprise that a few of you were all, "hey did you see Mama Kat's prompt about bacon?" Because honestly, if anyone has ten reason bacon is awesome it's me, right?
You see. Umm...Well...Me and pressure? Well we don't get along.
Pressure? What do you mean? Make a list containing ten reasons bacon is awesome. It's not that hard.
Actually, it is. Have you noticed how I tell stories about the husband, but I've never actually written a "why I love the husband so much" post? There's a reason for that. You see, when I love something sooooo much, it's hard for me to put it into words.
Yes, I realize the tragedy of this. I am a writer and the times when I need words the most, they fail me. Combine that with the pressure to write something heart-warming, inspiring, funny, or witty about bacon, and, well, has anyone seen my anxiety meds?
I mean, honestly, what else do I have to say about bacon other than one: I love bacon, two: I eat bacon for breakfast lunch and dinner, three: I like to strip naked and roll around in bacon, four: I...wait, WHAT?!
Okay. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take a little tiny itty bitty liberty with Mama Kat's prompt. Hopefully she won't be pissed and stabbed me in face. I don't know if you guys have heard or not, but twitter is violent. Seriously, all you have to do I tweet: "I'm so pissed I'm going to stab someone" and within seconds an entire volunteer army is amassed outfitted with scissors, knives, forks, really sharp number two pencils, and ninja stars.
It's really quite inspiring.
As I was saying, I'm taking liberties. Instead of talking about why bacon is so awesome, I'm going to give a BACON QUIZ!
I know. You're so excited you want to pee, but please, try to control yourself. Or don't. It's really up to you.
Leave your answers in the comments and whoever gets the most right gets a special super de-duper totally awesome prize. Or, you know, it might kinda suck.
Just kidding! It'll rock your world.
Are you ready?
Here we go.
Wait! I forgot something. You cannot research the answers on the internets.
How will I know if you do?
Oh, I'll know.
And you'll be sorry.
I'm watching you...
1. Bacon bits sold at supermarkets are actually vegetarian.
2. Bacon contains some vitamins and antioxidants.
3. Bacon usually comes from:
a. the butt of the pig
b. the belly of the pig
c. No animals were harmed in the making of bacon, because denial and all
4. Bacon is tastiest when it is:
a. barely cooked
b. slightly rubbery
c. crunchy and crumbly
5. Kevin Bacon's ancestors were pig farmers and traded the first units of bacon on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange
6. People who don't like bacon are:
c. robot aliens
7. A micro nutrient found in pork products like bacon could actually boost the intelligence of an unborn child.
8. Which country consumes the most pork?
a. United States of America
c. The United States of Sarcasm Goddess
9. Eating bacon makes you more awesome than The Sarcasm Goddess
10. Which of the following statements is true?
a. The Sarcasm Goddess has always liked bacon, but her like turned to love when the husband made her breakfast seven years ago and proposed. The breakfast consisted of bacon cooked four different ways including a bacon quiche which contained her engagement ring.
b. The Sarcasm Goddess does like bacon but not nearly as much as everyone thinks she does. An innocent tweet months ago somehow spun out of control and now she has this incredible bacon-loving image she has to live up to, causing her insane amounts of anxiety.
c. The Sarcasm Goddess cooks in bacon in the microwave, not on the stove because when she was very little, another little girl in her grandmother's neighborhood was cooking bacon on the stove, knocked over the frying pan and was burned very badly by the grease. It was so bad the ambulance had to take the little girl to the hospital and The Sarcasm Goddess has be traumatized ever since.
Good luck! The answers, the winner and the prize will be announced on Friday.