Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I'm Not the Only One Who Thinks I'm Awesome

Guess what time it is!!!

Sarcasm Goddess Award Show time!  I know.  It's been so long since our last show.  Normally our shows are filled with awesome drawings by yours truly, but all the animal hosts are freaking out about the impending Hurricane of Doom.

So instead I will be hosting tonight's show.

Now, these shows are supposed to be all about you, but as per usual, it's going to be mostly about me.  What can I say?  I. Am. Awesome.

Would you believe I have been given three, that's right THREE, awards since our last show.  I am perfectly prepared to brag, but first I'm going to give out a long overdue award.

I have had so much fun with blogger on twitter it should be illegal.  In fact, it probably IS illegal.  Please don't contact the authorities.  She is the lead singer of our band #VaginaShenanigans, she is a lover of bacon, she did the most fantastic robot vlog, and she's down right pure unadulterated awesomeness.  Please join me in congratulating Kristi Gilbert aka @TheRobotMommy for her amazing award.

Are you wondering how to get your very own custom award?  (Of course you are.  That award was amazing.)  It's really quite simple.  All you have to do is become a follower.  And then...well...I'm not sure what you should do next.  I used to require people to ask for one, because in doing so they were agreeing to not be offended by the award.  But that seemed a little like asking you to beg so instead I just said to mention bacon in the comments and that way I would know you want an award and were agreeing not to sue me, cry or eat your hair in response to your award.  But now, bacon is a part of every day conversation and is mentioned so often I have no idea if people are just expressing their love of bacon or telling me they want an award.

The result?  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!  I've been seven kinds of anxious about this so basically if you are a follower and I owe you and award, lemme know.  Kay?

Now.  It's time for the Comment of the Week. You guys are making this ridiculously hard to pick a Comment of the Week.  EVERY SINGLE COMMENT makes me so happy I pee all over myself.  Honestly, do you guys read the comments?  Cuz you say the greatest stuff.  The awesomeness of my posts, which are pretty freaking awesome, pale in comparison to the awesomeness of your comments.

Since I'm so behind on the show, I'm only choosing comments from the Stop it Social Media post to the Summer Blog Social post.  The next show's Comment of the Week will be selected from the posts after Summer Blog Social.

Like I said, it's impossibly difficult to choose just one Comment of the Week.  So this week, I've asked a very special guest to choose a Comment of the Week in addition to my comment of the week.

The special guest?  The Husband.  I know.  It's exciting.

Drum roll please:

My choice for Comment of the Week goes to:
MamaMash for her comment on Mistaken Identity: What.  This seems completely normal.  I often contemplate molesting strangers on slow bloggy days.

You gotta love a fellow stranger molester.  (If you are feeling a little disturbed by this you obviously haven't read the post.  I forgive you, but GO READ IT NOW.)

And now...the Husband's choice for Comment of the Week:
Lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog's comment on Summer Blog Social: Must be a female thing.  I mentioned my junk once on twitter and lost 100 followers and had to sleep on the couch for two weeks.  Hilarious.

Now we've come to the portion of the show in which we talk about me.  Finally.  Honestly, you guys are such attention whores.

You may be tempted to stop reading - you know, cuz there's only so much reading about how awesomesauce I am before your head explodes - but don't!  Cuz one of the best things about getting an award is passing it on to someone else.  And that someone else could be you...

The first award I received is from one of my new bloggy friends Jennie of Fond of Blond.  If you are not reading her blog then there is something seriously wrong with you and I would yell at you, but I kinda just feel bad for you.  The award she gave me is..

WOOT!  Thank you so much Jennie!

The rules of the coveted Liebster: "The Liebster Blog Award is designed to bring additional recognition to those bloggers with less than 200 followers. If you receive the award, you should link back to the blogger that nominated you and nominate five more blogs. Also, don’t forget to let them know that you nominated them."

I love the concept of this award because it has to be given to bloggers of less than 200 followers.  Some of my favorite blogs have less than 200 followers, but they totally should have 200 followers cuz they are fan-freaking-tastic.  So, I am passing The Liebster on to:

1. Elise at Things That Are Not Bagels
I've mentioned this before, but Elise once saved me from being eaten by an alligator...in my dream.  Which totally counts.  I know I can always count on Elise.  Last week when I announced on twitter that I was totally pissed and going to stab someone, Elise grabbed her sharp instruments and then asked who we were stabbing.  That's true friendship friends.  Also?  I'm so totally in love with her blog.  She is witty, hilarious, and a great story teller.

2.  Yvonne at Attracted to Shiny Things
What can I say?  This chick Cracks.  My.  Ass.  Up. She raises awareness about plant rape - it happens, ya'll - and writes letters to klout for her lack of klout for #shittinginthepark.  If I ever get arrested, it'll be with this girl.

3. Suniverse at Suniverse (she's sunonymous)
The fact that she is does not have 200 followers is a crime against humanity.  Not only is she hilarious, she tells it like it is, and says things I wish I could say but don't because of my stupid self-imposed censorship.

(That's right.  This blog is the censored version of me.  Scared?  You should be.)

4. Jen at Just Jennifer
As I've said before, Jen is Just Plain Awesome.  We quickly became twitter and bloggy bff's even though one time, many many years ago she came to Florida and didn't visit me.  The fact that neither of us knew the other existed is no excuse Jen!

5. Kristi at The Robot Mommy
You guys, she's a robot!  But not an evil one.  I've mentioned above some of the reasons why she is so awesome, so it's obvious why she deserves this award.  Check out her blog, or pay the price.

The next award I received was from...Kristi at The Robot Mommy.  You guys!  I don't know if I've mentioned Kristi before - did you know she's a robot?! - but She.  Is.  Awesome.  Lookit this award she gave me. 

Jealous?  Well you should be.  Thank you, robot mama.  You're the labia to my leg warmers.  Or maybe the leg warmers to my labia.  Either way you, me, labia, leg warmers, 'nuf said.

Now, I did mention at the beginning of this show that I received THREE awards, but I think I'll save the other one for another show.  I need to go stock up on water, batteries, and of course, bacon, for Hurricane of Doom.  If you don't hear from me later in the week, assume I have perished.  In lieu of flowers, please send cash directly into my bank account.

You're welcome.




  1. I wish Mama Mash would molest me on slow bloggy days.

    Congrats on your award.

    I think you should get bacon as your prize.

  2. Oh my God.

    I had to run to the bathroom because I was laughing so hard.

    Labia and leg warmers. Frickin' awesome.

    I agree that you should get bacon as your prize. All kinds. Canadian bacon, thick sliced bacon, turkey bacon, vegetarian bacon, ... wait. No veggie bacon. It's awful. Maple bacon, thin sliced bacon...

  3. So if people don't hear from you in a few days they will send money to me. . . . .

  4. Ack! OMG, The Husband is commenting?? Holy shit.

    Thank You So Much for the SECOND award you have bestowed upon me!

    And you are absolutely an uber supportive blogger!

    For the record, I may not have visited you when I was in Florida 18 years ago, but you didn't really follow me to Tahoe last week either!

  5. It is so awesome that you use awesome more than even I do... AND you never say "awesomesauce". I hate "awesomesauce".

    Congrats on your neato keeno awards :)

  6. Congratulations on your awards, my dear feathered, labia-ed, bacon-ed, armed-to-the-teeth, ninja-kicking Goddess.

  7. Awards in general make me twitch but yours? Totally radical.

  8. I get this bad rep online of only having female followers and readers. Your husband proved that wrong. Thanks dude.

    Also, as a fellow robot, I support anything that helps Kristi the robot mommy.

  9. I just found your blog and now I feel like I have taken a bath in sarcasm. And it feels good. Really good. I am going to have to come back often but not necessarily everyday because who needs a bath everyday? I mean, maybe I should come back everyday because I need a bath. I'll have to check to see if I smell. Wait, what was I trying to say? Oh yeah, you are freakin' awesome. Sarcasm rules.

  10. That's really, really nice of you. In fact, I molested a stranger at PetSmart just the other day.

  11. Congrats to you and the other winners! I'm not bitter about all this winning you're all doing. So, if anyone tells you I am...don't believe them.

  12. --Congrats, all you talented biatches!
    Mama Mash... you are HILAREOUS :) xxx

  13. Bacon. Bacon Bacon Bacon. Bacon.(I can't promise I won't eat my hair.)

  14. I accept this award on behalf of all legwarmer-wearing, bacon-lovin, labia-bedazzling, molesters that hate Kermit shirt and awesome bloggers and blogger lovers out there. It's nice to give..... And receive. And be a part of the Vagina Shenanigans !!!

    You, lady, are a doll face. I love my award and are pretty awesome. Thank you!

    -the robot eating bacon in legwarmers

  15. well you are ALL KINDS OF AWESOME and I'm so glad the blogging world agreed and gave you the awards.

    now, pass that bacon!!!


I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.