What's real life?
It's that thing that happens outside of twitter and your blog.
Never heard of it, but it sounds terrifying.
Oh it is. That's why I try to spend as little time as possible there, except when I'm hanging out with my real life BFFs.
Did you notice how that first sentence isn't even a sentence? It's an incomplete thought. I know this because I has smartness.
But apparently some people think I don't.
If I had finished that first sentence it would have said: Those of you who know me know that I am a highly intelligent articulate person.
We all agree with this, yes?
Well you know who doesn't agree? A one @jeffblakely22.
Now please believe me when I say I don't want to feud with anyone on the interwebs. I'm a can't-we-all-just-get-along-and-eat-bacon-kinda girl. But when I am so viciously attacked, I must respond!
Viciously attacked might be slightly overstating the incident. But you know what they say about assumptions. They make you an asshole.
The whole thing went down on twitter because of course it did. Now while I do has smartness, I also have tech-tardedness so instead of inserting the conversation from twitter, I will have to retype the entire thing verbatim.
Ready? Here we go.
@sarcasmgoddess: Work sucks balls. I am so over it.
@jeffblakely22: Been there. Best escape route is a degree, no question. Here's some info on programs/financing
Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! This person does not even follow me, has never spoken to me and assumes I do not have a degree! The nerve.
Allow me to be clear, I do not think you have to have a college degree to has smartness. I don't think you even has to has a high school degree to has smartness. But to just assume I don't have a degree? That's what makes me want to unleash the fury of tampon bird on his ass. But instead I responded like the mature adult I am.
@sarcasmgoddess: I agree! Thing is, I have a degree. In vagina. Do you think that's where I went wrong?
@sarcasmgoddess: I also minored in bacon and specialized in sausage. On the surface it seems the 3 are unrelated but you'd be surprised...
@sarcasmgoddess: ... At the similarities.
@sarcasmgoddess: and as I just told @SarcasminAction I am considered an expert in the field of uterus explosions.
@sarcasmgoddess: if you don't believe me about the uterus explosion thing, just ask those poor sweet women at pottery barn.
@sarcasgoddess: the incident happened over a year ago and they're still dealing with the aftermath.
@sarcasgoddess: I am also the single authority on tampon bird. Every one of my followers will agree with me.
I was going to keep going but I was afraid he was going to send the twitter police after me for harassment.
But, do you notice how he doesn't even respond? So rude. We're having a conversation @jeffblakely22.
I decided to do a little research on Mr. @jeffblakely22. He follows 28 "people" some of which are:
USA Today College
Inside Higher Ed
US News Education
Women in Higher Ed
New York Times College
The White House
I checked out every one of these websites and not one of them mentions vagina anywhere. Not even The White House. No wonder this country is in the midst of a debt crisis. Don't they know vagina is the answer to everything? And bacon.
If those are the sites he follows, I suppose I can't blame Mr. @jeffblakely22 for not appreciating the value of a degree in vagina. I don't even think he knows what one is. So...
I have decided to make it my personal mission to help him understand. I mean, honestly, if we want to grow as human beings, improve as a nation, unite as a global society, we must all understand and appreciate the value of vagina. And bacon. And sausage.
I invite you all to join me in this effort. Together, we will make a difference.
Linking up with lovelinks again! Have you linked up? Well, why not? Did you know you can vote for me to win lovelink? Well you can! I don't know what I win, exactly. Maybe endless supplies of bacon. Or maybe just the right to say HA! In your face! I won! But, I would never do that. #yesiwould.
Liked what you read? Of course you did! Then hit the little follow button. It would make me so happy to see your face there. Don't want to wait hours upon hours for my next post? Follow me on twitter @sarcasmgoddess and get minute by minute vagina action. I also talk about bacon a lot. And sausage. It's exactly as awesome as it sounds.