Monday, July 25, 2011

Whole Lotta Whoring Going On

Guess what time it is!!!

That's right!  It's Sarcasm Goddess Award Show time!  You guys are so smart.  As usual, grab your drink of choice and get ready for a fabulous show.  To kick our show off good and proper, let's introduce our host Henry the Hippo.

Focus Henry!  We have a show to do.

First, allow me to welcome all of my new followers.  Welcome!  You are amazing and awesome and your awesomeness is increasing daily just by following my blog.  Congratulations.

As you know, this show is all about you guys!  My followers!  Except, of course, when it's all about me.  Which tonight?  It totally is.  But also?  It's all about you!  Get ready for some serious whoring of YOU.

But let's whore me out first, because duh.

What a week this has been.  As you know, I hosted my first linky, which was a fabulous success.  I was the featured Romantic Friday Writer for my Sweet Surrender short story.  If you haven't read it yet, you should.  It will change your life.

I overcame SERIOUS anxiety to do my first guest post on Mental Poo.  Honestly you guys, I almost had a nervous breakdown.  There was much screaming and "I'm a crappy writer!  This is the worst thing I've ever written! I'm going to take an anxiety pill or maybe just throw myself down the stairs!"  And the husband was all, "do it already!  whatever it takes so I can sleep!"

All of this had taken place by Wednesday and I was all, "this week just cannot get any better."  But guess what?!  It totally did.  I was given not one, but TWO awards by other fabulous bloggers.  The first was from Laura at Catharsis.  I have talked about her blog several times now and if you have not gone over there and visited her yet, there is something seriously wrong with you.  SERIOUSLY.  Like you should probably go to a doctor.

The award she gave me was:

Ooh ahh!

I was so excited to receive this because, I deserve it (obviously) and because I get to pimp 10 of my favorite bloggers.

As I was preparing my list of bloggers I wanted to pass the honor on to, I found out I got another award.  Seriously, you guys are in the presence of greatness.  This award came from the amazing Christine at Quasi Agitato.

I get to pass this one to 15 bloggers whom I love, which just totally made my day because I had a hard time only picking 10 bloggers to whore for my previous award.

These awards both require me to share seven things about me that you don't know.  I figured I'd combine them into one post, because I'm humble and don't like to talk about myself very much.


Let's get started, shall we?

Number one: I am awesome.

Oh wait, I'm supposed to tell you stuff you don't know.  Okay, for realsies.

1.  I am an accidental kleptomaniac.  I have stolen more things accidentally than most thieves have stolen on purpose.  Relax. I always realize it and go back to the store and am all, "hey I accidentally stole this."  And the cashier always gives me weird looks like he/she cannot believe that I came back to pay for it.

2. My entire life, the one thing I wanted more than anything was a trophy.  I'd received many accolades: certificates, medals, plaques and group trophies, but never an individual trophy.  I had told the husband this many years ago.  A few days after the husband and I had played a round of golf - the first time in which I broke 100 - I came home and saw a trophy on the kitchen counter.  I thought he had won a trophy at one of the many golf tournaments he plays in.  But no!  It was for me!  From the husband!  Best husband evah!

3.  I just cut myself shaving.  It's bad.  Like woah that's a lot of blood bad.  I should probably go to the doctor to get stitches, but I've got a show to do!  I always push through the pain.  Unless, of course, not pushing through the pain can get me out of work.

4.  I have a terrible headache.  Probably because I can't stop watching the woman who can't stop sniffing gasoline.

5.  I want to be a published author.  I think you guys probably already know that, but thought I'd just throw it out there in case any agents or publishers are reading this.

6.  When I was in the womb, I ate my twin.

7.  Sometimes I lie.

Time to whore some of my favorite bloggers!  These first ten I am giving the Blog on Fire Award

1. Things That Are Not Bagels because she once saved me from being eaten by an alligator.

2. Sassy Miss Allie because she pierces her body without fear.

3. Just Jennifer because her name should be Just Plain Awesome.

4. Musings of a Sarcastic Mind because she is my sarcasm sister.

5. Because My Life Is Fascinating because her life is fascinating.  Honestly, I shouldn't have to explain this.

6. Funny or Snot because she hosts WTF Wednesday, my favorite day of the week.

7. All The Things I Am because she is a fellow goddess.

8.  Quasi Agitato because she lives in Brooklyn and I am supremely jealous.  Also?  Brooklyn is the name of the daughter I'm never going to have.

9. Mama Wants This because she is the sweetest most supportive blogger on the planet.

10. The Suniverse because of her love of Gwenyth Paltrow.  (you guys know this is a sarcasm blog, right?)

Now it's time to whore out some of my favorite bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.

1. Handflapping because her blog is "profanity, insanity, and a splash of lime."  Seriously, what else do you need in life?

2.  Catharsis because I am obsessed with her.  It's starting to become unhealthy.

3.  Attracted to Shiny Things because she's raising awareness of plant rape.  And also?  She shit in the park.

4.  Yeah Good Times because she is so funny she makes my head explode.

5.  Life With Baby Donut because without her, I never would have created my first button.

6.  Atoll Annie and the Non-Specific Rim because she is an amazing writer.

7.  Coffee Lovin Mom because of thong onesies.


9.  My Time As Mom because she is a nerd.  And also?  Super smart.

10.  Absolutely Narcissism because she's not a Disney Mom but she is The Boob Girl.

11.  Writing In Flow because I love reading her stories.

12.  The Robot Mommy because of labia and leg warmers

13.  Saucy With a Twist because she shares my love of bacon.

14.  Not Blessed Mama because she is awesome.  Plain and simple.

15.  Momma Teacher Lady because she's a Momma.  A Teacher.  And a Lady.  Duh.

Now the rules of the Blog on Fire and Versatile Blogger awards are, you must share seven things about yourself and pass them on to 10 and 15 bloggers respectively.

There aren't any custom awards this week.  What is a custom award?  So glad you asked.  Read this and find out.  But I am super excited to announce the Comment of the Week.  You guys know that when you leave comments you make me so happy I pee, right?  All of the comments are awesome sauce, but this week the honor goes to:

MommaKiss in response to the post Magical is Not the Word That Comes to Mind 

so take this for what it's worth. trying to spell correctly


semen at prom? WHY I NEVER! (lying).



MommaKiss made me feel a little drunk when I read this, and who doesn't love that?

I hope you all have a fantabulous Monday.  It's the first day back from vacation for me, so I'm sure it will be super awesome.  

Liked what you read?  Of course you did!  Then hit the little follow button.  It would make me so happy to see your face there.  Don't want to wait hours upon hours for my next post?  Follow me on twitter @sarcasmgoddess and get minute by minute vagina action.  I also talk about bacon a lot.  And sausage.  It's exactly as awesome as it sounds.


  1. Wow thanks for the Blog on Fire Award!

    And congratulations on receiving not one but TWO awards in a week! And the guest post!

    Here's to another fantabulous week!

  2. I'm glad I'm not the only one who accidentally steals things :)

  3. Thank you for the Blog on Fire Award! As I told you on twatter--and now I'm telling all your followers--my next piercing is in your honor!

    I'm super happy you're back because well... I was going thru SG withdraws... (you are referred to as SG around here and Matt actually knows who I'm referring to, its amzing!) and yeah... I don't like getting the shakes and ticks and sweats that come with withdraws... So no more of that!

  4. Awesome! I love freaks of nature - long live the legwarmers!

  5. Also, I wish Matt ACCIDENTALLY stole things... he's a klepto... He did steal my heart and all...

    oh wow, the late hour and lack of sleep lately has made me all mushy and cliche... I think it's time for a drink...

  6. Thank you very much my #nerd friend. You are just awesome.

  7. I am simply beside myself! "Just Plain Awesome" is just plain sweet! Did you know you could be nice like that?

    So I have to write a post about this now, right? Do I get the button? And here I thought I wasn't gonna be posting anything for Monday.

  8. I won! I won! Yesssssss.

    You won twice... nice job, show off!

    Thanks so much for the award - I'm really pleased. Now, I want MORE. Put me on the wait list for one of those nifty custom awards, please, miss awesome-in-the-flesh.

    I am so glad I found your lovely smartass blog.

  9. You rock on so many levels. Congratulations! And Thank You! And well were much more thorough in your award giving than I was. Cheers!

  10. Congrats and thank you! Hope those book publishing agents are listening!

  11. OMG I won another award????!!!!! This is too much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! My head is going to explode from all this recognition and love! Eeeeeek!

  12. Hooray! An award! And, don't tell but I'm not really a lady. I'm secretly a dude pretending to be a woman, or maybe I got a sex change. I can't remember, I was really drunk a few weeks ago so anything is possible really.

  13. Thank you for the award! Ok, I'd like a Coach bag if you don't have cold hard cash for me...k? Is that going to be a problem? Going to read your guestpost at Mental Poo! You guestposted on his blog! You the girl!!

  14. thank you, thank you! i'll be anxiously awaiting my statue.

  15. I'm new. It's moooog's fault.

    But I'm staying. You have coffee, right?

  16. Why didn't I see this? Thank you so much for the high five on my writing. I truly appreciate it, especially coming from you who constantly writes hilarious blogs that make me grin from ear to ear. Not sure which of the new facts about you that I like best, but decided that I have to give kudos to "while in the womb I ate my twin." Thank you again!


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