Women. We're faced with tough decisions every day. I would provide some examples of those decisions, but I am still recovering from the latest awful decision life thrust my way and consequently, my mind has emptied itself of all coherent thought.
I had two choices. Neither of them was good.
I am a hoverer. You know? When using a public restroom. You can spare me the lectures of why it is bad to do this: not fully emptying my bladder, contributing to UTI's...and not to mention hazards of another kind. Hazards where you are forced to choose between two really horrible options. No matter which you choose, it is going to end badly.
I was using the restroom at Borders and my stall was out of toilet paper. This is usually the worst thing that can happen to a woman when using a public restroom. It happened to me two weeks ago when the husband, some friends of ours and I were at a late movie. I was the only one in the restroom and out of 20 stalls I, of course, select the one stall without T.P. I drip dried as much as possible and then took my chances, and with my pants around my legs, ran into the stall next to me to "finish the process."
Yes, you read that right. I ran (and I use that word loosely) bare-assed from one stall to the next in a public restroom with the chance that someone could walk in and see me. What can I say? I like to live dangerously.
Thankfully today, my S-I-L was in the stall next to me and could just hand me some paper. Catastrophe averted right? No chance of someone walking in and seeing my bare bottom as I scurry from one stall to the next. There was no chance anything else could go wrong. Right?
The single greatest hazard to hoverers? Automatic flushing toilets. Because sometimes? They decide to flush while you are peeing. Which is exactly what happened tonight.
There I was mid-stream and forced to make the split second decision: get splashed in my ya-ya with public toilet water or jump out of the way and pee on myself.
I chose? Jump out of the way and pee on myself. Yes, it was as awesome as it sounds.
Some of you are probably thinking, oh you poor girl, that's awful. But can I tell you a secret? You promise you won't tell anyone? It'll just stay between us, right?
I'm kinda used to it. This is not the first time I've peed on myself while hovering. But the first time? I can't even blame it on spontaneous flushing. I just sorta got...distracted and the next thing I know my entire left pant leg Was. Soaked. And also? I was at work. I hadn't been working there very long so I was too uh, embarrassed? Ashamed? Horrified? To tell my co-workers I need to go home and change because I just pissed all over myself. So I just went back to my desk and continued working.
Honestly, you can't teach this kind of awesome. You're just born with it.
So ladies, what would you have done? Get splashed in your ya-ya with toilet water or pee on yourself?