Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Lily Lemonade

Today's post is a story for the kids!  And by "for the kids" I mean, not at all suitable for children.

It is a (probably) true story about a little girl named Lily.  And?  There is a moral at the end.  Read about little Lily and see if you can figure out what it is.  Don't worry, I won't think you're stupid if you can't.  I don't understand half the stuff I write, and I'm the one who wrote it.

Lily Lemonade
written and illustrated by the Sarcasm Goddess aka Me aka Kelley Williams.  We all remember what happens when you steal my stuff right?  That's right. You get stabbed in the face.*
*this is the worst subtitle ever

Once upon a time there was an adorable little girl named Lily.  Seriously, she was ad-or-a-ble.  One day Lily decided she wanted to open a lemonade stand in front of her house.

She spent weeks making signs and a beautiful stand made of wood and perfected her recipe until she had the best lemonade ever made.  Not too sour.  Not too sweet.

Finally the day had come for Lily to open her stand.  She was so excited!  She had wanted to sell lemonade her whole life!

She told her family and friends about her stand, and a few of them showed up.  They tasted her lemonade...and they loved it!  They said it was the best lemonade they'd ever had.

"That girl has talent!" they cheered.

This made Lily very happy.  She knew her friends and family were going to tell everyone they knew how great her lemonade was, and they would all stop by her stand and buy some lemonade too. 

She took pictures of everyone who bought her lemonade and put them on the "I Love Lily's Lemonade" wall behind her stand.
Some day there would be enough people buying her lemonade and on her wall that she'd be able to open a permanent store and become a professional lemonade seller.  She'd be known throughout the world, or at least the United States, as The Great Lemonade Maker: Lily Lemonade!

The next day Lily woke early, made several pitchers of lemonade and eagerly waited for  people to stop by.  A few more friends and family members showed up.  Lily was so happy!

The next day a few more came.

"This is great!" they said.

"Thanks! " said Lily.  "Can I take your picture and put it on my wall?"


"What if I make you a cookie for being on my wall?  I'll custom make it just for you."


This made Lily confused.  These people loved her lemonade, they stopped by all the time to buy some, but didn't want to be on her wall.  Even some of her friends wouldn't be on Lily's wall.

Lily did not give up.  "Surely I can find people who will want to be on my wall!"

Weeks and weeks and eventually months went by and no new people came by to buy Lily's lemonade and no new people were added to Lily's wall.  This made Lily very sad.

"Why aren't my friends and family, the people who love me most in the whole world, telling everyone they know about my great lemonade?  Don't they want me to fulfill my dream?" Lily asked her stuffed bear, Mr. Henry, as she lay in bed at night.

That night Lily had very bad dreams.

Despite the evil dreams, Lily woke the next day with a great idea!

She made a flyer advertising her lemonade stand and asked her friends and family if they would help her pass them out.

"No," they said.

Lily was persistent.  "What if I give you a cookie for every new person you get to buy my lemonade?"

"No," they said.

"What do I have to do!" Lily moaned.

The next day she was walking home from school with her head hung down in sadness.  She wasn't paying attention to where she was going and was impaled by a unicorn and died.

The news of Lily's death spread far and wide.  People were so very sad.  They arrived to her lemonade stand by the hundreds, hoping for a taste.

Luckily there were a few pitchers saved in the fridge.  Lily's mother measured each cup carefully so everyone would have a sample.  People took their time drinking it, knowing once it was gone there would never be more of Lily's lemonade.

Everyone loved the lemonade  - except for a few critics, there's always gotta be a critic - and soon she was known throughout the United States.  Her wish had come true, she was The Great Lemonade Maker: Lily Lemonade, but it didn't matter.  Because she was dead.

The End.

Did you figure out the moral?  Here I'll help you.

 The moral of the story is:

a. This is the best story ever.

b. These are the best drawings ever.

c.  If you don't watch where you're going when you're walking, you will be impaled by a unicorn and die.

Just so you're all aware, the husband and I are on vacation and internet access is spotty.  Thankfully I wrote this gem of a story last week and was able to just hit publish before I was kicked off.  I'm telling you this not cuz I want you to go rob my house, but because I haven't been able to stop by too many blogs this week, due to said spottiness.  I have tried to comment a few times, the most awesome comment in the history of comments, and as soon as I hit "yes I want to publish this awesome comment," the internets are all "haha! no commenting for you!"  Miss Allie - did you get my comment where I said I was trying to figure out how to make a code for your award but it's like someone teaching me how to perform brain surgery in Japanese? I don't speak Japanese so it is very difficult.  Do you know how to do it?  (create a code, not perform brain surgery?)  If so, lemme know and I'll create one for you.  Oh, and don't tell anyone I have know idea, how to do this, kay?  It's super embarrassing how technologically inept I am.


  1. I didn't get it but I do know how to get the code! Lol, just upload the graphic to Photobucket and steal the HTML code. I'll fix it so it links back to you before I post it.

  2. I love this! I think we might be twins or something because I do drawings too! Well, sometimes. I haven't done one in weeks because I'm so bad at it, it takes me forever to do just one. So the fact that you drew so many, I bow to you.

    Enjoy your vacay! I really wanted to comment on the awards one, but I had like 200 tabs open and lost sight of your page. I like the Monkey picture!

  3. I know EXACTLY the moral of this story :) Basically because I'm a genius I could figure it out. Except I have to say I did not like the ending with the whole dying thing. Well I guess that is part of the moral too. Appreciate and support the ones you love before it is too late. yes? And I'm telling you if the whole writing thing doesn't pan out (which it will, duh) you could always be an illustrator. Those pictures are as awesome as your writing :)

  4. Oooh! I loved this! I read it to my daughter before she went to bed :) just kidding. But seriously. Hilarious illustrations--my favorite was the pissed off squirrel. Lovely allegory. Thank you thank you!

  5. lol. this is great. Now i have to find a child to read this to. Also your drawrings are ART in my book. :)


I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.