At approximately 9ish p.m. yesterday the earth shook, the sky turned black and a whole bunch of other really bad things happened. Yep, I tweeted my first tweet.
For those of you not present for the blessed event I said...
@SarcasmGoddess: I'm a twatter. Now what?
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
I followed that little gem with several tweets about twat manuals and a manual for twats and something about winning twitter. I was all prepared, and tres excited, to send out countless tweets of inane twaterific nonsense. It's taken me a year and a half to get 75 blog followers, so I figured it'd take me half as long to get well, half as many twitter followers. (Math is hard! That'swhatshesaid! Um, no.) But then suddenly, I had followers! And more followers! Until I had twenty - one. Twenty. One.
I could no longer say any nonsense that just popped into my head. People were listening, or you know, reading. I had to think long and hard (long and hard -bahahahahaha) about my tweets. I am a writer, the written word is sacred.
What did I say?
Here's a taste (mmmm, yummy) of said sacredness:
@SarcasmGoddes: Just took my twats to the vet. Twats = dogs. Obviously. Honestly, I shouldn't have to explain these things.
@SarcasmGoddess: Remember the day I bought those boots & threw them away before wearing them? Yeah, me too. That day sucked.
I'm expecting the Pulitzer any day now.
I pride myself on being a Serious Journalist and therefore feel it is my journalistic duty to describe Twitter to those of you non-twatters. I think it can be summed up in one, albeit long, sentence.
Twitter is an orgy of mischievous crack addict honey badgers high on speed, with the occasional spider monkey throwing poo at the Chip N Dales in cowboy hats and ass-less chaps - and by Chip N Dales, I mean the cartoon chipmunks Chip and Dale, not the exotic dancers; obviously.
It's that awesome.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and I can't stop doing it. I have been sucked in to the twitter vortex. The twitortex. And I can't get out.
If you're not following me on twitter, you're missing out. Obviously.
If you're following me on twitter but not following my blog, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!
Sorry, that was the mischievous crack addict honey badger talking.