Shh... Listen closely. Do you hear it? Turn down your radio, tell your husband to mute whatever sport's game he's watching and listen.
Can you hear it? It's getting louder.
Could it be?
I think it is!
I am super excited to be linking up with Funny or Snot for WTF Wednesday. Before doing so, I dug around her page looking for the twelve page manual outlining the rules, guidelines and standard operating procedures.
Turns out? There isn't one. Probably because it's pretty straight forward, stupid. If something makes you say WTF then write about it and link up.
Now there are many reasons a person might say WTF:
In confusion: WTF did I just step in?
In annoyance: WTF did my idiot neighbor do now?
In hilarity: WTF is on his head? Haha. Too funny.
And...when you want to bitch: WTF is so hard about making a sandwich?
Guess which one I'm going with.
That's right. Bring on bitch mode.
Ready? Here we go.
Seriously, Fresh Market. WTF is your problem?
First you employ someone who makes sandwich-making look harder than eradicating malaria in third world countries. If only there was a sandwich making equivalent of the mosquito net, I might get my lunch sometime before my hair goes grey and my tits touch my toes.
Secondly. SECONDLY. You have the balls to ask me if I'd like to taste some wine. On my lunch break. Hells yeah I want to taste some wine. I'd like to taste about 12 bottles worth. I don't know what about this suit and this walk-like-I've-got-a-stick-up-my-butt-cuz-I'm-a-business-professional implies I have the luxury of getting wasted at twelve in the afternoon, but I can assure you, I do not. I mean, I haven't consulted the employee handbook lately, but I'm pretty sure "getting shit-faced on your lunch break" is frowned upon.
Thirdly, where the hell are you getting these "wine sellers?" More like ex-con drug pushers. Are you part of some inmate rehabilitation program with the county prison? I wasn't asked one time if I wanted wine. I wasn't asked two times if I wanted wine. I was asked, hold on let me count...eleventy thousand times if I wanted wine. Just how much self-control do you think I have? There's only so many times you can dangle a catnip-stuffed mouse in front of a feisty feline before it says, "screw work, company policy and my reputation" and claws your eyes out to get the scrumptious little rodent.
Fourthly: Really? Really? We're back to sandwich making? Sandwich girl from number one must a gotten a demotion cuz I saw her sweeping up a bag of spilled WTF is all over the floor in aisle 3?; but her sandwich-making replacement? Not. Much. Better. I can't say for certain, but I'm pretty f*ckin certain he insulted me when making my sandwich the other day. I said, "can you please make me a chicken salad sandwich on a Kaiser roll with a little bit of lettuce." He pointed to a board that read SANDWICH MAKER and said, "so you want a sandwich maker?" Um, hmm, is that similar to make me a sandwich? I'm no genius but they sound pretty freakin similar. Seriously, there is nothing I love more than getting into a semantics game with the guy preparing my lunch. I'm not even going to get into the way he made my sandwich. Clearly the guy needs to go back to Sandwich Making Boot Camp.
Unfortunately Fresh Market makes such yummy food and bonus! -they're located just minutes from my office so I can scurry away and get my lunch and scamper back before I miss any of the action - so even with all their atrocities, I will be coming back. But seriously...
WTF Fresh Market?! W. T. F.
Now hurry on over to Funny or Snot and read the other WTF entries. Go! Now! WTF are you waiting for?!