Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Public Service Announcement: The One Where I Act Desperate and Needy

Please pardon the interruption in your regularly scheduled programming while I plead for you to follow me and in general whore myself out for your attention.

For those of you who've been 'round these parts for some time now, you know that I started this here blog because I've always wanted to be a writer (as in, write for a living; as in, get paid to write; as in, I put these words on paper in the most fabulous display and you fork over your hard earned cash to read them and your life is forever transformed), but I was terrified to have people read what I wrote.

But having readers kinda goes with the territory of being a writer.

So with much trepidation, I started this blog and held my breath.

And it's been great!  Love, love, love the comments.  They make me pee all over myself in excitement.  And I love my followers, sincerely I do.  I would give you big wet sloppy puppy kisses if you'd let me...or not, cuz, um...ew?

In the beginning, every time someone followed me I created an award for them.  But at that time, most of my followers were people I knew.  So I had no problem creating a "Has Never Contracted Rabies" award or "Leader in the Field of One Time Breaking Her Box"  which I awarded my friend S for one time breaking her box.  No not that box, her cornhole box.  No cornhole isn't code for something dirty.  You know what, go here and read for yourselves.

Back?  Awesome right?  S certainly thought so.  However as I acquired followers I didn't know, I wasn't sure if they'd appreciate if I talked about their box, cornhole or otherwise (for those of you who are all like, "what does she mean, their box?" you really should brush up on your body part slang.  It means v-a-g-i-n-a.  Gasp!)

And what if I created an award for someone I didn't know that said "Way to not get rabies" and unknowingly, and quite innocently I might add, touch upon a sensitive subject.  Like That One Summer the follower and her/his best friend promised never to talk about.  And here I am talking about it, and she/he gets all paranoid that I know all about The Rabies Incident.

So I stopped making the awards...but thought what if people want one?  What if they became a follower just so they could receive one of my high quality badges of honor and I have let them down.

And then I drank a bottle of wine and cried in the corner because I didn't know what to do.

Obviously my indecision was the decision because I stopped making the awards.  But I will totally make one for you if you want one!  But you have to promise not to be offended.  It's best if you're one of those "anything goes" type of people.

Want to see a sample?  Look here and here (you'll need to scroll down a bit.) Clearly we're talking high quality, superior design awards.  And one of those high quality, superior designed awards could be yours!

What, exactly, am I getting at?  Fine, I'll stop beating around the bush and just say it.

I want you to follow my blog.

You have no idea how hard that was.

A big giant THANK YOU to those who are already following and GRACIAS to all of you who are reading.  But if you are reading and aren't following, could you please do so?  Pretty please.  This is really hard to ask because I feel like I'm asking you to join my fan club and that brings back horrible memories of the fourth grade and the K.C. Fan Club.  There was no such thing, people!

The husband is one of the biggest advocates of people becoming followers (thank you, honey) and quite often the response is "how?"  The question is legitimate and the answer is "it's super easy." can be confusing.  Here are the instructions:

Look on the right hand side of my blog for the follow button.  It is right under "About Me."

Click the button and it will give you options to sign in.  This is where it can get a little confusing.  The first option should be Google or Google Account or something to do with Google.  You'll select this option if you have a Yahoo or (I'm assuming) Google account.  All you do is sign in with your email address and password.  It's that simple.

I'm not really sure about the other options, but I assume it is the same.  If one doesn't work, try another one.

Sign in with your full email address: and your email address password: youwishyouwereme.

That's it!  You will be a follower.  If you have ever created an email account in your entire life, you can handle this.  If you have a facebook page, you can handle this, because honestly, setting up a facebook page is one of the hardest things known to man.

All I ask is that if you do follow me, please don't do it anonymously, because then I don't know you're following and my "number of followers" doesn't increase.

Why is this important?  Because I also started this blog to create a platform, establish a community, get thousands of followers, people who love my writing so that way when I finally finish my book and go to a publisher I can be all "look at all these people who love me and will buy my book, you should publish me RIGHT NOW!"  And they'll be like, "okay, and here's an advance on your next book!"

Also?  If you follow anonymously I can't create a super duper awesome award for you.  And that would be tragic.

However, I understand if you are all, "I am a sane normal person, I like your writing and all, but I don't want to be associated with a lunatic like you."  That's totally okay.  I get it.  You can make up an identity.  My friend Ashley is following me as Ashley and as her alter ego Young Boy Dan.  Sometimes she comments as Ashley, sometimes as Young Boy Dan, sometimes as A, sometimes as Ashley R: ass size 38 in. around and fabulous)...I'm started to think Ashley suffers from multiple personality disorder.

In summary, if you are reading, please follow.  Cuz as I said in my newly updated "Who Am I?" page, if you follow me on the 'net, I will follow you in real life.  Because everyone deserves their own personal stalker.  I am willing to be that person for you.

Okay, that's all.  Enough whoring.  Regularly scheduled blogging will commence shortly.


  1. If I so did not already follow you, I would follow you again. I am horrible at commenting though. I read but don't comment which defeats the purpose but oh well.

  2. I'm now a follower and would also like an award :)

  3. You crack me up!!! Been following for awhile now and always end up trying to not pee my pants when reading your posts. I'm all for random awards, the more the merrier!!!

  4. Been following for a while now and by the looks of your tracks, I think you stepped in something!

    I love following your blog. My blog tends to cater to my more serious side with the occasional snark. This page allows my sarcastic side to smile, my sassy side break free. :)

  5. I have issues with cornhole boxes. Oh, yes, I do. Wait. What are we talking about? LOL
    I think I'd enjoy if someone gave me a "Has Never Contracted Rabies" award - that's truly an accomplishment.

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I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.