Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Letter to the Totally *Awesome* Guys Revving Their Engines at the Red Light.

Dear Guy in the Motorcycle and Guy in the Sports Car Revving Your Engines in the Lane Next to Me,

Wow.  What a stunning display of masculinity. Seriously, you guys are hot.

I think I can safely say I speak for all woman in the surrounding two mile radius that, as the two of you alternated revving your engines, each rev louder and longer than the next, it took all the strength we possess not to rip off our clothes and throw ourselves at you.

Way to assert your dominance over all the other male drivers.  You made all those guys sitting in their silent cars seem like real douche bags.  Douche bags with small wieners.  
 
Speaking of wieners did you two figure out the answer?  It was hard for me to tell.  Clearly you both have giant penises.  The biggest penises known to man.  But did you figure which one of you had the largest penis?

If only the light hadn't turned green you could have continued your raw, unadulterated display of my-penis-is-bigger-than-yours-and-I'll-prove-it-by-revving-my-engine-at-the-red-light.  Some may say spare us the noise, save us all a good deal of time and just pull down your pants and look at whose penis is larger.

But I say, where's the fun in that?  Plus, the revving-your-engine method presents an air of mystery.  And we could all feel the atmosphere hum with anticipation.  And the vibrations from the revving?  Oh.  Mah.  Gah.  It's a good thing Marky Mark's Feel the Vibrations wasn't playing or I would I have lost my mind.  Remember that video?  Feel it, feel it.  Talk about a display of masculinity.  Until this day there was no finer display.  Until the two of you.

Darn that green light!  I was in the presence of the two manliest men alive.  But WHICH ONE WAS MANLIER.?!  Motorcycle?  Car?  Motorcycle?  Car?  MOTORCYCLE?  CAR?  WILL I EVER KNOW??

Maybe one day, at a red light in the hopefully-not-too-distant future, we will meet again.  And you will rev your engines louder, and longer, and faster and harder.  And my soul will finally be at rest.  I will finally be able to sleep at night.  My life will finally have meaning again.  Because I will finally know which of you has the larger penis.

If, of course, I don't die of excitement first.

Sincerely yours,
The SARCASM Goddess

6 comments:

  1. Lol. I'm still trying to figure out if this actually happened or if this is a metaphor for the who-has-the-longest-drive display we saw on the golf course this weekend. I'm sure we could think of other examples of manly men trying to prove who has the bigger wiener. I agree with you- whipping it out would save a bunch of time.

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  2. Howling! Why in the name of all that is holy do men still engage in immature games like this? Then they say women incur in drama! I agree with Tabitha, whipping it out would have saved more time. I'd like to add that it would also have been better for the environment! :)

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  3. Chads is bigger. Mystery solved.

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  4. But you see.... what you are missing is the fact that they are both so humiliatingly small that they have to make up for it by shows of supposed masculinity to hide their teeny weenies! hee hee!

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  5. Nacherluver - that thought did occur to me, but only briefly. If you would have heard to the POWERFUL sound of their revving you too would have concluded they were packing shotguns in their pants.

    Tab - this actually happened on my way home from work...and it did remind me of the long drive competition. I think that story is deserving of its own post!

    Bella - I'm not sure why men do this. From the moment they discover their wiener as a small child they are in love with it and expect the rest of world to be also!

    Kinsley - I want proof! Physical proof. Or if Chad prefers he can divulge the size on his blog ;) Classic Chad.

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  6. Hahahhaha!!! This made my day. I haven't been blessed with such a fantastic display in quite some time. If ever - in such grandure. But I wish I could have been there to judge which one had the biggest vibration. LOL. Nice.

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