Saturday, May 7, 2011

Just Who Is Vagina Joe?

I was going to title this post "A Collection of Random Thoughts," but if you were perusing a list of blog titles which would you check out, "Just Who is Vagina Joe?" or "A Collection of Random Thoughts?"

Exactly.

1. Was at dinner the other night with a friend.  Table next to us was full of teenagers who had "ants in their pants," played Chinese fire-drill, and in general could not stay seated during the meal.  I found it annoying.  Antsy-pantsy teenagers started saying bad words.  Bad words do not offend me.  Bad words coming from the mouths of teenagers?  I find irritating.  In conclusion: I find teenagers to be annoying and irritating.

2. I entered the Writer's Digest writing contest.  I submitted three entries, because being rejected once isn't nearly as good as being rejected thrice.

3. My new favorite thing is to call people wieners.  I mean it as both a term of endearment and as an insult, depending on the situation and who I'm talking to/about.  I anticipate an outbreak of mass confusion/highly offended people in the very near future.

4. There is a station on Pandora radio that plays parody songs like "D*ck in a Box" and "Amish Paradise."  Apparently there is a song called "My D*ck, Your D*ck."  It's about, you guessed it, comparing the you-know-whats of two dudes.  Generally, I am not offended by d*ck jokes, but this was a bit much.  But then it was kinda funny.  And then it was down-right catchy.  However, having my d*ck, your d*ck playing on endless loop in your head for days after hearing the song?  Is just plain awesome annoying.

5.  I get words stuck in my head like other people get songs stuck in theirs.  Awhile ago it was: brown chicken, brown cow.  In high school it was clostridium botulinum.  Lately it's been vagina joe.  Can someone please tell me what the hell vagina joe means?

6.  We all know how much I love getting comments on my blog - a feeling that is shared by all bloggers - and as such, I try to comment on other blogs. You get what you give, or something like that.  While I am very interested in whether the blogger comments on my comment and appreciate being alerted when this occurs, I do not appreciate 98 emails worth of comments from others weighing in on the blogger's post.  I'm like the honey badger in this respect.  I don't give a shit what everyone else has to say.  That probably comes off sounding a lot meaner than I mean it, but I'm just sayin.'

7.  I've been suffering with extreme heal pain for four weeks and counting.  Was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis, which is when nipples grow on the bottom of your foot.  Or not.  I don't really know because my podiatrist likes to breeze in, freeze my foot, shoot me up with what I can only assume is heroin, and tell me to walk through the pain.  He is at the top of this week's Douche Canoe List.

8.  Vagina joe is not defined by the urban dictionary.  Someone please go over there and define it for me so I can sleep tonight.

9.  However, vagina jack IS defined:
     it is the headphone's jack under the ICON console mixing desk (by digidesign) on the right hand side, it looks like a vagina and feels like one it has the shape of it, and the hole for the jack it self feels like the clitorice or to be nice the ''soft spot'' or a womans body, discovered by Amro, Jesse and Stefan
    I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Amro, Jesse and Stefan have absolutely know idea what or where a woman's "clitorice" is.  I also highly doubt they have any idea what a vagina feels like.  Stop sticking your wieners in headphone jacks Amro, Jesse and Stefan.

10.  Great.  Now I have the word clitorice stuck in my head.  And the accompanying image?  Is.  Not.  Pleasant.

11.  Dear Child of Indeterminate Age Shrieking and Thrashing About in the Pool,
If you have to ask someone six times if they want to see your back-flip, it's not because they can't hear you, it's because they are ignoring you, which just so happens to be your answer.  Shut up and move on to more productive activities, like practicing silence.

12.  Sometimes I think my brain is on backwards.

This post is the result of a vow I made to myself that I will post more regularly.

You're welcome.

2 comments:

  1. Thank You. LOL I must admit I did click because I had to know what a vagina joe was just so I can fit it into my next 33 conversations because it is that cool.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1. Teenagers- I kinda dig them (except for the ones I can't STAND)
    2. Keep trying. You'll get there. Either that or you'll end up with enough rejections to wallpaper your shitter.
    3. Wiener. Ha ha ha ha! Funny. Wiener!
    4. Sounds like a station run by men obsessed with their naught parts.
    5. Brown chicken brown cow. I have a card that says that when you open it. I'm keeping it forever! And vagina joe? It sounds like a very masculine vagina or perhaps a coffee spiked with pms meds.
    6. um... what? you get e-mails saying when people respond to other people's blogs? how's that work?
    7. my son has that. his doc said it's when the arch of the foot is pulled flat, er... the tendon is stretched on the bottom.... uh... the.. it's when your foot is in major pain and there's not much they can do. yeah. that.
    8. refer to answer # 5
    9. I'm soooo confused!
    10. Buah ha ha ha ha! A clitoris stuck in your head. Ha ha ha ha!
    11. Awww.. there's a poor rejected child out there somewhere (or perhaps 'said child' is at home right now blogging about some total snob lady at the pool. Tee hee
    12. um...

    Is this officially the longest response you've had? ;) Sweet!
    Great. Now I'll probably end up on some list like...

    5. Isn't it annoying when people respond with a book to your blog post?

    ReplyDelete

I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.