Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Recent Conversation With The Husband

While cooking dinner...

the husband: That was a sad movie you watched last night.

me: What movie?

the husband: Country Strong.

me: Oh. Yeah.

the husband: That's not what the previews made it seem like.

me: What are the previews like?  I haven't seen any.

the husband: They made her seem like a real sassafras.

me: What's that mean?

the husband: You know, like a sassafras.

me:  No, I don't.  Like bitchy?

the husband: Yeah, sure.

Later that night in bed...

me: what was that word you made up tonight to describe Gwenyth Paltrow in Country Strong?

the husband: ?

me: ...

the husband: Oh.  Sassafras.  That's not what I meant to say.

me: What were you thinking?  Sassy?

the husband: Maybe.

me: Fresh?

the husband: No... I meant sassafras.

me: Sassafras isn't a word.

the husband: It's a type of food.

me: No, you're thinking of sasquatch.

the husband: No, that's a mythical creature.

me:  It's not mythical.

the husband: Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't realize I was living with a crazy who thinks Big Foot is real.

me: A mythical creature is

the husband: A creature of myth.

me: A unicorn.

the husband: I'm looking up sassafras.

The husband Yahoo's sassafras and finds the following Wikipedia definition:
Sassafras is a genus of three extant and one extinct species of deciduous trees in the family Lauraceae, native to eastern North America and eastern Asia.

me (hysterical laughing): So in the movie Country Strong, Gwenyth Paltrow is a deciduous tree?! Ahahahahahahahah!

the husband: I'm looking it up on Urban Dictionary

Urban Dictionary definition of sassafras: 1. a fiesty girl  2. one who sasses

the husband: see?

I respond by taking the phone away from the husband and go to definitions:

1.     an aromatic deciduous lauraceous tree, Sassafras albidum,  of North America, having three-lobed leaves and dark blue fruits
2.     the aromatic dried root bark of this tree, used as a flavouring, and yielding sassafras oil
3.     ( Austral ) any of several unrelated trees having a similar fragrant bark

me: Nowhere does it say anything about a sassy lady

the husband: Yeah, well that's according to the dictionary.

me: Oh, I'm sorry.  How stupid of me to refer to the dictionary to determine the meaning of a word.

the husband yanks the phone away from and I get up from the bed to grab my notebook.

the husband: This is going on your blog, isn't it?  Don't slander me.*

me: It's not slander if it's true.

the husband (back on urban dictionary): Do you want to know what a magic turd is?

me: No.  This conversation is over.

Why did I feel the need to share this conversation with you?  I just thought you'd like to be privy to the stimulating banter between two highly intelligent individuals.  You're welcome.

*Pop Quiz:  Was the husband right in using slander?  Or is libel the correct word?  I sincerely hope someone knows the answer, because I can never remember which is the written word and which is the spoken word, and I no longer trust the Internets to tell me what words mean.


  1. My grandmother use to make sassafras tea when I was a child....used bark from a tree...sorry, I have to side with your husband this time!

  2. I still love U but have to agree with Mark....sorry, honesty is about the only thing I have going for me right now so I have to stick with it!


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