While cooking dinner...
the husband: That was a sad movie you watched last night.
me: What movie?
the husband: Country Strong.
me: Oh. Yeah.
the husband: That's not what the previews made it seem like.
me: What are the previews like? I haven't seen any.
the husband: They made her seem like a real sassafras.
me: What's that mean?
the husband: You know, like a sassafras.
me: No, I don't. Like bitchy?
the husband: Yeah, sure.
Later that night in bed...
me: what was that word you made up tonight to describe Gwenyth Paltrow in Country Strong?
the husband: ?
the husband: Oh. Sassafras. That's not what I meant to say.
me: What were you thinking? Sassy?
the husband: Maybe.
the husband: No... I meant sassafras.
me: Sassafras isn't a word.
the husband: It's a type of food.
me: No, you're thinking of sasquatch.
the husband: No, that's a mythical creature.
me: It's not mythical.
the husband: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was living with a crazy who thinks Big Foot is real.
me: A mythical creature is
the husband: A creature of myth.
me: A unicorn.
the husband: I'm looking up sassafras.
The husband Yahoo's sassafras and finds the following Wikipedia definition:
Sassafras is a genus of three extant and one extinct species of deciduous trees in the family Lauraceae, native to eastern North America and eastern Asia.
me (hysterical laughing): So in the movie Country Strong, Gwenyth Paltrow is a deciduous tree?! Ahahahahahahahah!
the husband: I'm looking it up on Urban Dictionary
Urban Dictionary definition of sassafras: 1. a fiesty girl 2. one who sasses
the husband: see?
I respond by taking the phone away from the husband and go to dictionary.com.
1. an aromatic deciduous lauraceous tree, Sassafras albidum, of North America, having three-lobed leaves and dark blue fruits
2. the aromatic dried root bark of this tree, used as a flavouring, and yielding sassafras oil
3. ( Austral ) any of several unrelated trees having a similar fragrant bark
me: Nowhere does it say anything about a sassy lady
the husband: Yeah, well that's according to the dictionary.
me: Oh, I'm sorry. How stupid of me to refer to the dictionary to determine the meaning of a word.
the husband yanks the phone away from and I get up from the bed to grab my notebook.
the husband: This is going on your blog, isn't it? Don't slander me.*
me: It's not slander if it's true.
the husband (back on urban dictionary): Do you want to know what a magic turd is?
me: No. This conversation is over.
Why did I feel the need to share this conversation with you? I just thought you'd like to be privy to the stimulating banter between two highly intelligent individuals. You're welcome.
*Pop Quiz: Was the husband right in using slander? Or is libel the correct word? I sincerely hope someone knows the answer, because I can never remember which is the written word and which is the spoken word, and I no longer trust the Internets to tell me what words mean.