Thursday, September 16, 2010

This Story Really Isn't All That Interesting and You Should Only Read It If You are Feeding Your Baby at 4 a.m., are bored at work, or someone is holding a gun to your head forcing you to read this

Please pardon the title.  I got tired of capitalizing the first letter of each word. 

I couldn't be more lazy if I tried.

Today I ordered a chicken bacon ranch sub, with a side of ranch, from Dominos.  (And I wonder why I'm gaining weight.)

I walked into Dominos and told the Dominos Dude I was picking up an order for Kelley.

Dominos Dude: Shelley?

Me: Kelley

Dominos Dude: Shelley?

Me: Sure.

Dominos Dude: Oops.  I wrote down Shelley.  Wait...did you order a sub?

Me: Yes.

Dominos Dude: I have an order for a Shelley and a Kelley.

Me: Oh, it was probably my twin.  Well, technically, she's not my twin.  When I was little I had a friend who looked a lot like me and we used to pretend we were twins.  She would say her name was Kelley and I would say my name is Shelley.  Which means you were right when you called me Shelley.  How'd you do that?  Oh my gosh, do you think the Shelley who placed an order is my long lost twin who technically wasn't my twin, just a friend who looked a lot like me?  I should stick around until she shows up to see if it's her.  But I guess if it was her she would have said her name was Kelley.  Unless she did and that's why you kept saying my name is Shelley.  Shelley's kind of a weird name, don't you think.  I mean, it has the word shell in it.  Shells are something you collect at the beach.  You can't just throw an "e.y.", or a "y,", or an "i," or an "i.e." at the end of it and call it a name.  That'd be like someone looking at the sand and saying "you know what would make a good name?  Sandy."  Wait, that actually is a good name.  Okay, it'd be like someone naming their kid Beachy or Oceany.  Those are horrible names.  Um, unless your mom or your sister or your mother or your wife is named either one of those.  Then they're totally awesome names.  You're not going to spit in my sub are you?

The Dominos Dude said nothing.  Possibly becasue that entire soliloquy happened in my head.

Why do I feel the need to share these things?

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