Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Facebook

I think the time has come for me to get my own facebook page.  For those not aware, my current facebook page is the husband's facebook page.  Well technically his page is my page.  We're not one of those couples with a combined page, like Mr. and Mrs. Sarcasm Goddess.  No, his page just says Mr. Sarcasm Goddess, except that it doesn't say that all, it says his name, Mark W.

Those of you who've read my I Don't Get Technology post are probably all what!  You're getting a facebook page?!  I thought you were against it and didn't get it.  And to you all I say, yes you are right.  But after the latest facebook disaster, I think it is an absolute necessity and yes, it is going to be one hot mess.

What was the latest disaster?, you ask.  Well, let's just say the husband and I were watching The Shawshank Redemption. (Okay, time out.  Have you guys seen The Shawshank Redemption?  Worst. Movie. Ever.  You're probably like, no.  It's such a good movie.  I love that movie.  Yeah, that's what I thought too.  Until I watched it.  Again.  I watched it one time a long time ago and ever since I've been like, it's such a good movie.  I love that movie.  But apparently I had blocked out the bad parts.  Can we say insane amounts of prison rape and beating?  The prison rape and beating isn't graphically shown, but it happens.  A lot. For years.  And it made me sick.  For days.  To those of you all pissed because you've never seen TSR, and you think I just spoiled the movie, RELAX.  I didn't.  It's a movie that takes place in prison.  Of course there's going to be raping and beating.  And now you're probably all if you knew there was going to be prison rape and beating, then why were you so upset?  And to that I say, don't question me.  And also. It was disturbing.)

Time in.  So the husband and I were watching the worst  movie ever when his phone starts beeping like a kitchen timer.  Which can only mean one thing.  People are leaving a message/commenting/whatever-it-is-you-do-on-facebook on Mark W's wall.  I think it's called a wall.  I'm not really sure, because remember I DON'T GET THE FACEBOOK.  So then he starts telling me what people are saying and I start to freak the freak out and run to the computer.  The comments weren't bad or inappropriate or anything.  They were actually very nice and I LOVED them.  They just needed to be removed immediately.  Which made me feel horrible, because these super awesome ladies are my friends and they were doing something that I beg people to do on the daily and now I had to remove what they said and send them a private message to NEVER DO IT AGAIN.  (I know it would probably make more sense if I explained what they said and why I was so freaked out, but it's just better if I don't.  If I did it would probably cause the world to implode or something, and I'm already incredibly stressed out and I just can't deal with that guilt.)  So I sent my super awesome friends, that I love so much, a private message and then removed their comment, which forever removed them from my wall, which I totally did not want.  Which led to more freaking the freak out.  It was finally all resolved but I'm pretty sure I broke Mark W's page forever.  It just hasn't seemed to operate properly since the incident.

I'm kinda sad to be leaving the husband's facebook page.  Somewhere Green Day's "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" is playing to a slideshow of all the great times we've had there.  Tear.  It really is the end of an era.  I'm not going to shut down his page, because, memories (and because I've heard once you create a facebook page, you have it for, like, ever.  Remember that, you slutty teenage girls).  I think I'll turn his page into The Husband and Sarcasm Goddess facebook page, only with our real names.

One person who's really going to be sad I'm getting my own page is the husband.  He just loved it when I was him on The Facebook, especially when I sent all my girl friends (not girlfriends, I'm not a lesbian Patrick.  Quick! Name that movie!) a martini bumper sticker that said Girls Night Out.  Or after returning from a fabulous Las Vegas trip with the fabulous McL's, I sent my friend Ashleigh a chip-n-dales bumper sticker with the message "next time we're there."  Only instead of sending it to Ashleigh McL. I sent it to her husband Adam McL. because in my list of friends, and in the alphabet, Adam comes before Ashleigh and because Adam's profile picture was what Ashleigh's used to be, and oops.  So what appeared to The Facebook world went something like this: Mark W. sent Adam McL. a chip-n-dales bumper sticker with the message "next time we're there."  Yes, yes, I quickly realized my mistake and there was loud gasping, coughing, sputtering, clutching of the chest and hysterical-spewing-up-a-lung laughing from me, while the husband shouts "what did you do!"  But really, honey it's okay, cuz everyone knows it's me on The Facebook.

But apparently not everyone knows it's me on The Facebook, because recently it was Adam McL's b-day and I said Happy Birthday! complete with the exclamation mark and jazz hands.  And he responded "thanks bro" so either Adam thinks I'm a dude or he thinks Mark W. gets really excited about his bros' birthdays.

Yes, I'm going to miss all the good times.  Like when Mark W. told Kinsley he loved her dress or when Mark W. told Tabitha, right after she had a baby, that he hopes her vag will be feeling better and back and action soon.  Don't worry, that was sent over the private message thingy.  I didn't check with the husband, but I'm pretty sure he would have lost his s.h.i.t. had I posted that for all the world to see.  He's so uptight.

Anyhoudini, be on the lookout for my page.  And if I friend request you, you better accept or I will develop all kinds of issues.  More than the ones I already have.  If you friend request me and I don't accept right away, don't take it personal.  I'm pretty facebooktarded and sometimes it takes me awhile to realize what's going on.  But if it takes me more than awhile, then you should take it personal because it probably means I don't like you.  I kid.  I love you.  I really do.  So let's be bff's on The Facebook and we'll have good times.  Not as good as the times we had on the husband's page, but we'll do our best...Just Kidding!  We'll totally have way more fun on my page!  See you there!


  1. Should I be worried that I haven't gotten a friend request? :-) BTW I'm sorry I'm such a horrible friend and haven't talked to you for real to say Happy Birthday!!! I have no excuse. But I could totally come up with one if that will better my chances at the aforementioned friend request. Miss ya bunches!

  2. love the shout out! WHile reading this, I specifically thought of the comment about my dress, and then lo and behold you mentioned it. FYI my Word Verification is "duclue". Weird.

  3. also wondering where my friend request is...are you having another crazy week at work? Oh, i know-you're probably too exhausted after all that laundry you did. Love you!!


I had to change my comment settings because I was getting too much spam. You can no longer comment anonymously. (I don't think anyone besides the spammers were doing this.) But I don't want to block the rest of you from commenting! If you're having trouble, tweet me at @sarcasmgoddess or email sarcasmgoddess at ymail dot com and I'll see what I can do to fix it.