I failed. I was going to post my super fabulous story so you'd have something super fabulous to read at 4 a.m. when you are feeding your precious baybee, but suddenly I feel like death and for the first time in the history of ever, my mind completely stopped. And I couldn't write another thing. Which is probably a good thing since I'm pretty sure I started talking about a spaceship fueled by a toaster. And although it was brilliant, I'm talking nobel prize worthy, it was also kinda weird. Or maybe just awesome.
Most likely awesome.
So I do not have a story, but I can't leave you with nothing (is that a double negative?) so I offer you, and all my followers, anonymous or otherwise, some tips on a happy marriage.
Marriage Tip Number Five:
You must be willing to compromise.
Mark: This house is always a mess! I want to live in a clean house.
Me: Get a maid.
Mark: How about I just clean up my stuff and you clean up yours?
Me: This entire mess is my stuff.
Mark: How about you just clean up half of your stuff?
Me: I'll think about it.
Tip number Six
It is important to recognize and appreciate your spouse’s natural talents.
Mark: What do you want for dinner?
Me. Hungry Howie’s Pizza. There’s one in (name of scary town that is due south of the town we live in.)
Mark: I want to go bowling.
Me: We don’t have a bowling alley here. There’s probably one in (name of scary town.) We could get a Hungry Howie’s Pizza, grab our nine and go bowling.
Mark: Our what?
Me: Our nine.
Mark: What’s that?
Me: A gun.
Mark with a look that says I are crazy: I don’t think so.
Me: Uh, yes. You know, like, I’m going to take my nine and bust a cap.
Mark with thought bubble above his head: No…
Me: Seriously? I’m way more gangster than you.
Mark with face of recollection: Oh yeah. (starts singing like 20 songs with the word “nine” in them.) You are more gangster than me.
Me: My brain works so much faster than yours.
Mark: It does. It’s like I’m on dial-up and you're on Comcast high speed.
Me: You’re so poetic.