Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Marriage Advice

Olives?  I've never seen you put olives on your taco.
Mark Williams

Tip Number Two.
It is important for one of you to remain sane at all times.  This one is very important.  It will prevent one or both of you from getting into some serious trouble, aka getting arrested and probably losing an awesome friendship.

Me (after visiting our friends who recently had a baby): You know our baby will never be as happy a baby as Camilla, right?

Mark: Right.

Me:  I mean, seriously, she is the best baby ever.  She like, never cries.  Our baby will cry all the time.

Mark: Right.

Me:  So we shouldn't even try to have our own baby.

Mark: Right.

Me:  We should just steal J and P's baby.

Mark: Ri...what?

Me:  We should steal Camilla.  You'd help me right?

Mark: No. You are crazy.

Me:  But she's the best baby ever.  Would you at least cover for me?

Mark:  No. You are insane.

Me:  Do you think they'd still be friends with us if we stole her?

Mark:  No.

Me:  I think they would.  I mean, we'd let them see her every other weekend and holidays and stuff.  They are, technically, her parents.  In that they share the same DNA.

Mark:  Did I mention you are crazy?

Me: So you're not going to help me?

Mark: NO.

Me: Fine.  (pout in corner)

Me (five minutes later):  You're not going to tell J and P I want to steal their baby, are you?

Mark: Probably.

(Update:  Last weekend, Mark totally told them I want to steal their baby.  But they probably thought he was just kidding, because this is the type of stuff we joke about (like the whole butt baby thing), so phew.  Except J reads my blog and now she knows I wasn't kidding and is probably in the process of getting a restraining order, but please don't J.  I was totally kidding.  Just like I was about the whole rabies thing.  You can keep your happy baby.  I'll visit her every other weekend and holidays.  And you can supervise me the whole time.)


  1. Kiki,
    Some day (like when I can drive...or at least walk), I'm going to get mad at my mom and dad for something silly (probably as a result of too many teenage hormones) and run away from home, and then I'll just come and live with you ok? I promise I'll still be happy. (Ok, I can't promise that b/c are there really hormonal teenagers out there that are happy?????)

  2. Peanut,

    You can live with me any time.

    Hugs and kisses.


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